


why would you ever kiss me?

by scrawnycatra



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Fluff and Angst, No infidelity!!, Post-Canon, Smut, Some Humor, aka s6 dhfsjdfsd jk its not... its not, apparently some breakup fic has infidelity but NOT THIS ONE, bros i'm so sorry this summary like sucks, but like fr ya please read this, hello and welcome to breakup fic, its funny i swear and also fun, op wrote most of this fic before she started posting, someone described this as fluffy angst, this fic is just a good time ok trust me, watch catra and adora be terrible at being exes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:21:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 62,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26424049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scrawnycatra/pseuds/scrawnycatra
Summary: Catra gets attacked by an angry civilian while they’re restoring Salineas. She’s put in charge of Bright Moon’s military to avoid any more mishaps, while the rest of the Best Friend Squad travels around Etheria to fix its kingdoms. Though initially hesitant to part with her girlfriend, Adora decides that Catra’s safety is more important. They have all the time in the world to be together anyway. Or so she thinks.Alternatively: Catra breaks up with Adora a few weeks into their relationship. They remain friends, and Adora nearly falls apart, except... she can’t shake this feeling that Catra still wants her. Still loves her too. So why did Catra call it quits?Alternatively, Alternatively: Growth is a journey. Catra and Adora still have lots to learn, about themselves and each other. (post s5)
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 1278
Kudos: 1347





	1. this could be the end of everything

**Author's Note:**

> hello. welcome to breakup fic. this is gonna be very heavily focused on catra and adora and it will be essentially like entirely from adora’s POV. trust me there’s a good reason why. also if ur scared let me assure u this ends happy! and that it’s like not just super serious all the time i hope u laugh a lot reading this fic too. unless u think i’m unfunny in which case i am very sorry :( 
> 
> i wrote this fic because of apsa (follow @appsa on tumblr! they are an incredibly talented artist u have probably seen their art) i got the idea randomly and pitched it as a joke in the replies of a post they made. they told me to write it. i did. jules also told me to write this. but she gets NO credit. let me reiterate that jules in no way inspired this. no credit for jules :) anyway what are u still doing here go read my stupid fic

It all starts in Salineas.

They get right to work after Horde Prime has been vanquished. She-Ra might have brought back Etheria’s magic and prettied the place up, but there is still much to do. Places to fix, people to resettle, infrastructure that needs restoring.

Some of it can be a little boring, but Adora doesn’t care. She’s with Catra. She’s with Bow and Glimmer. She’s with any number of their friends in the Princess Alliance (right now, Mermista is back in her throne room settling into her newly rebuilt castle). But once again, she’s with _Catra_. And she gets to hold her and touch her and kiss her, in between random spots of healing and magic.

Until it happens.

“Hey! I know you... you’re that cat lady from the Horde!”

When they both turn around, a man with lobster arms is pointing at Catra.

“You led the charge on Salineas, didn’t you? You’re the reason why we all had to run! Why our homes were destroyed!”

Adora’s heart is pounding. There’s something she doesn’t like very much about this situation, but she knows that Catra did a lot of bad things in the past, and not everyone knows about all the good things Catra has done, and has been doing, in order to atone. They don’t know that Catra helped saved the world, helped save Adora. But she also knows that it’s not her place to say anything. She has to trust Catra to resolve and diffuse this situation on her own. She has to trust Catra to be accountable for her own actions.

Catra raises her hands in a surrendered attempt to calm him down. “Yes. I, uh, I did do those things,” her lips are shaking a little, “and I’m sorry for all that. I’m here to help make–“

“Get out of here, Horde scum!” He interjects in an outrage, picking up a stray rock and hurling it at Catra.

It connects with the side of her face, scratching it up, bruising her.

_“Ow!”_

Never mind. Forget not getting involved. Forget remaining calm. Adora is livid, actually. Adora is prepared to kill a man.

“Hey!” Adora shouts in her rage, and she points her sword at the perpetrator, a blast of energy nearly hitting him. Adora can’t even bring herself to apologize for that, even though it was an accident. “That was uncalled for!”

“Uncalled for? It’s what she deserves and more!”

“You little–“

“Adora!” She feels Catra’s small hand tugging at her wrist. “You can stop now. It’s okay, I’m... I’m okay.”

Her heart sinks at the sight of Catra’s face. She’s bleeding, the side of her face going black and blue. She’s far from okay. She’s not fine at all, and she’ll continue to be all banged up if Adora doesn’t do something about it. With a small sigh, she clutches the side of her face that isn’t injured, and shuts her eyes.

Light and magic glow together as she restores Catra’s face to its unhurt form. Adora heaves in relief at the sight.

“ _Now_ you’re okay,” she says a little bit cheekily, stroking her face, her hair. Giggling at the smile on Catra’s face as she touches her healed skin in childlike wonder.

“You’re a simp for Horde scum, aren’t ya?”

They turn to look at the seething crustacean man. Adora nearly forgot he was there. She wraps a cautious arm protectively around Catra’s shoulder.

The look on his face is a mix of disbelief and abhorrence.

“What kind of She-Ra protects threats to Etheria instead of its people?”

His remark chills Adora to the bone, but a second later she regains her sense and realizes this man isn’t showing much of any.

“Catra isn’t a threat!” She argues belatedly, but he is already walking away, refusing to entertain her response. “Can’t you see that she’s helping you now? That she’s trying to fix things too?”

Just then, Glimmer and Bow teleport right before them.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Glimmer asks in worry.

“We heard something when we were over there,” Bow continues, pointing at where they were. “It sounded kind of bad. Are the two of you okay?”

Adora looks at Catra, who nods. Seeing that calms her down.

“Yeah, we’re okay.”

They tell Bow and Glimmer everything. Hours later, they’re on one of Mermista’s new ships, traveling back home. They don’t actually need to travel by boat since Glimmer could’ve easily teleported everyone home, but the ship is so nice that they just couldn’t say no. It’s bigger than any other ship they’ve been on, with a cabin that Catra is currently resting in, keeping her away from the sight of water. Apparently, she’s more comfortable with that than being teleported at the moment, so they’re going along with it. Adora feels bad that Catra feels some level of discomfort with both modes of travel they have from Salineas to Bright Moon, but Catra insisted she was perfectly fine this way, that there was nothing wrong with traveling by boat so long as she didn’t have to be in contact with the sea.

Adora is out on the deck with Bow and Glimmer. It’s nice to rest like this on a calming boat ride home, the salty smell of the sea wafting through the wind. They start talking about what happened earlier, when Catra was attacked. But when she hears the suggestion they propose, Adora almost wishes she didn’t tell them what had happened. Their plan gives her an ill feeling in the stomach.

“But... we need Catra,” Adora appeals to the two in a mildly distressed voice. “We can’t just leave her at Bright Moon. Isn’t it safer for the four of us to stay together?”

Glimmer puts a calming hand on her shoulder. “Adora, of course we need Catra. But that doesn’t mean we physically need her with us on _every_ mission to restore Etheria’s kingdoms! I’m not trying to sideline her, I’m putting her to work on our planet’s defenses. We know Horde Prime is gone now... but who knows what other threats are out there? We need more than just the Princess Alliance to keep Etheria safe. We’ve got loads of ex-Horde soldiers volunteering to join Bright Moon’s forces, and tons of Horde Prime’s clones who need a new purpose to fight for. All they need right now is someone to pull it all together. That’s where Catra comes in.”

“You don’t have to worry about her, Adora. Catra’s a military strategy genius!” Bow enthuses with his fists excitedly clenched. “Did you know the Horde got four times more efficient when she took over as second-in-command? She’s more than qualified to streamline our defenses at Bright Moon.” He continues to beam bright with a shrug. “Honestly, I would’ve been more impressed if she hadn’t been our enemy back then.”

Eventually, Adora begrudgingly agrees with Bow and Glimmer. She knows they make a lot of sense. She knows they’re right. She knows Catra would be a lot safer back at Bright Moon. She _wants_ Catra to be a lot safer back at Bright Moon. But at the same time... she selfishly wants nothing more than to keep Catra by her side. The thought of being separated from her, even if only for a moment? She hates it. She just got Catra back, she just got Catra to want to stay again, and now she has to leave her?

But on the flip side, there is no way she’ll risk Catra’s safety like what happened earlier today. What if someone else picked up something deadlier than a rock? What if more than one person attacked? Even if Adora could heal her, even if Adora could save her; the emotional toll that would take... she could never let Catra suffer like that.

Later on, she quietly enters the cabin Catra is resting in with a tray of warm tea.

Catra’s sitting up in mild surprise as she enters, eyes blinking a little rapidly. She had been napping, but now she smiles as Adora walks in.

“Hey,” Catra greets, her voice stuffy with sleep. “What’re you doing here?”

Adora sets the tray of tea on the nightstand, pouring out a cup for Catra. She hands it to her with a smile.

“Just wanted to check on you,” she says offhandedly. “Make sure you’re okay... and hydrated.”

Catra takes a sip of tea with a sly smile. “Aw... did you miss me?”

Adora sits on the chair next to Catra’s bed. She wants to return the light teasing, but it’s hard. She doesn’t know how to tell Catra, or how to broach the subject in a good way.

“Yeah. I really missed you,” she says with a far off stare. It eats her up to think about just _how_ much she’s going to miss Catra, in the days to come.

Catra makes a face of concern. She reaches for Adora’s hand, fingers gently brushing her wrist. “Hey... is everything okay? Something wrong?”

Adora shrugs and sighs. “I, um. I just need to tell you something.” She scratches her head. “It’s about what happened today, and... Bow and Glimmer... they think you should stay in Bright Moon. Because–"

“Oh,” Catra’s face relaxes in understanding. “Yeah, I knew that. They already asked me. I said yes.”

She drinks some more tea, and Adora’s eyes widen in shock. “You already knew that? And... and you’re okay with it?” The words blurt out before Adora can think them through.

“Yeah.” The look on Catra’s face is pretty positive. She puts the cup back on the tray. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Oh, uh. It’s, it’s nothing.” Adora shakes her head to retract her statement. What did she expect? For Catra to be sad? For her to be upset? Like Bow and Glimmer said, Catra is needed and necessary for an important job that will keep her safe. There shouldn’t be any reason for her not to be okay with it. “I just thought–“

“Thought I’d wanna stay with you?” Catra crosses her arms smugly, tilting her head. She then proceeds to cup her jaw. “Thought I’d tell them no because you can’t _stand_ being away from me?”

“Huh?” Adora blushes at the sultry tones in Catra’s words, as well as their implications. “No! I didn’t, I didn’t—that’s not what I thought.”

“Then what?” Catra asks. “Are you not okay with this?”

“What? No, I’m fine, I promise. I feel great about this. So great! It’s a, it’s uh–“ Adora takes a deep breath, shutting her eyes in the process. “Sorry. I guess... I was just worried. I was being stupid. But yeah, you’re right, Bow and Glimmer were right. This is a good idea. It’s much safer for you to be at Bright Moon than it is to come with us.”

Catra scoffs, shifting even closer to Adora. “That’s not why I’m staying at Bright Moon. I don’t care about being _safe_ , idiot. I just don’t wanna piss off any more Etherians. And I don’t want you getting all worked up every time it happens.”

“Oh...” Adora feels guilty. She really overreacted today, maybe. “I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be _sorry_ ,” Catra shakes her head with a sigh. “That’s dumb. I know you can’t help it, okay? But... these people are right to be mad at me. And if I keep sticking around while you run around fixing up the world, it’s gonna keep happening, y’know? I don’t want people to think you’re a bad She-Ra for protecting me.” She sighs in thought. “Maybe if Melog were still here, I could just go around with you guys and stay invisible.”

“I miss Melog.”

“Me too,” Catra rubs her ear, “but they had to go back and fix things on their home planet, now that Prime’s gone. Maybe we’ll see them again some day.”

“When we go to space,” Adora says in a hopeful voice. “We’ll find Melog again. I promise. Maybe Entrapta will develop space travel so well that we could go visit them whenever we wanted to. Or Melog could come back to Etheria.”

“Yeah,” Catra snorts and smiles at the thought. “But that’s not gonna happen yet. And until that happens, I can’t just go running around Etheria with you. So I might as well hang back in Bright Moon, and do something... I dunno... good? For Etheria’s defense? While I’m at it or whatever.”

“Right... I guess I didn’t see it that way,” Adora gulps. “I should’ve, I–“

“Wait.” Catra’s eyes shift. “If you didn’t see it that way... why were you so worried again? Why didn’t you want me staying back at Bright Moon?”

Adora shrugs, blushing. It is embarrassing to admit that she is selfish. It is embarrassing to admit that she just wants to be with Catra... all the time, and that she doesn’t know if she’ll smile as much if Catra isn’t there. She doesn’t know if she’ll laugh as much. “Nothing. It’s nothing!”

“Come on, what is it?” She sits up straighter this time, teasing her, goading her into an answer. She prods Adora teasingly in the ribs. “Why, do you really need me around so bad? Afraid you can’t turn into She-Ra if I don’t kiss you?”

Adora scoffs in between laughs and dodging Catra’s attacks. “Oh, you wish!”

She retaliates, pushing against Catra and tickling her. They struggle against each other for a bit, and it’s unclear who wins, because they end up in a fit of giggles. Eventually, they declare a silent truce and share a long wistful stare.

“Maybe I do wish that,” Catra admits quietly. “That you need me around.”

“I do,” Adora says just as vulnerably. “I want you around, all the time. Even if it’s just to hold your hand... or–“ her cheeks get warm–“to kiss you. And who knows? Maybe She-Ra really _won’t_ work if you’re not around to kiss me. I haven’t exactly been going without your kisses since we... since we started it.”

Catra snorts but it’s ever so gentle. “It’s okay,” she leans her forehead against hers. “You’ll be okay.” She gives Adora a tender peck on the lips. “I’ll give you enough kisses to charge up for weeks,” she whispers softly afterwards.

“I’m still gonna miss you,” Adora whispers weak and wanting, barely a whisker away from Catra’s mouth. “Even with the extra kisses. I’m gonna miss you so much.”

“Well, don’t start missing me _now_ ,” Catra strokes her hair, running her fingers through Adora’s ponytail. “I’m still here, dummy.”

She pulls Adora down to her bed with a kiss and they both giggle. The kiss is messy and flirty and warm. Getting to feel Catra’s body lithe and mischievous under her own after a long hard day... Adora will miss this too. She winds her fingers through her hair. Deeply inhales the scent and familiarity of it, as if making up for all the days she won’t get to breathe in something that makes her head spin so good.

But still. Catra is right. There’s no need to be disappointed right now, not when she’s making out with Catra and there’s no better feeling. And besides. What’s a few days? What’s a few weeks? They have the rest of their lives to be together. They have all the time in the world to look forward to.

* * *

A week later, Catra leaves her.

Well, not literally. Catra is still here. But she breaks up with Adora. It happens on a cold morning, when they are alone in their room. Adora had just gotten back from consecutive trips to various kingdoms in Etheria, and she had been looking forward to spending the day with Catra again. Apparently, Catra had different plans.

“I think we should stop dating each other.”

Adora thinks she dies right there, for a moment. If her heart were made of glass, it shatters as Catra breaks the news to her.

Catra is so frighteningly gentle and nice about it. She doesn’t throw a fit, she doesn’t burst into tears, throw things around or fight Adora. She doesn’t lash out and yell about all the ways Adora has wronged her, all the ways in which Adora has been a terrible girlfriend. In fact, Adora’s not really sure _why_ Catra’s breaking up with her. She hasn’t been listening properly, too focused on the pounding in her head to really process anything Catra’s said beyond... the words that ended their relationship. Her throat is too tight and dry to speak. She’s doing everything she can not to cry. She might be too shocked for tears, actually.

She just... lets it happen. Her ears are ringing slightly. Catra holds Adora’s hands as they freeze up. When she looks up, she sees concern and pity painted on Catra’s face, and for a moment, reality comes back into focus.

“Are we...” Adora says with quivering lips. “Are we still friends?”

Her words dribble out in a tremble, and Catra scoffs with no malice. “Uh... yeah. I...” she looks away for a moment. “Of course we’re still friends. For as long as you want, okay? I said I’d look out for you and I’m keeping that promise. Besides, I uh. I’m always... I’ll always want to be your friend. I mean, duh.”

Adora wants to yell for a moment. How is she supposed to know what Catra wants and doesn’t want anymore? This whole situation has her chest getting all tight and angry. But at the same time... thank goodness for this. At least Catra is still Adora’s friend. At least Catra is still here. She’s staying, she’s not going anywhere. Catra leaves Adora, but she doesn’t _leave_ Adora. And technically... can she even go anywhere? She’s officially employed under Bright Moon to command their military. Adora thanks the stars for that.

Until she remembers that it was this job that kept Catra away from her for a week. Or... no, wait, it was the other way around. It was Adora going off around Etheria to help people that did this, didn’t it? Or was it something else? What happened when Adora was gone, and when Catra was in Bright Moon, far away and removed? When they talked to each other over Bow’s tracker pad, was something wrong that Adora should have noticed? Could Adora have prevented this? Why doesn’t Catra want to be her girlfriend anymore? Did she explain it when Adora wasn’t listening? Did Adora do something unforgivably wrong?

Adora can’t feel her legs, and her arms are starting to feel numb too. She must look very strange, because Catra grabs her body in concern.

“Hey, are you okay?” She wishes the worry in Catra’s eyes were solutions instead. Ways to solve this mess in Adora’s heart. “Do you need to talk about this?”

Adora doesn’t want to talk. She wants to cry. She wants to beg Catra not to do this, to be with her, to be with her the way she wants her, the way they both wanted to be, up until just now, when Catra ended things. It all feels so surreal. Is any of this... even real?

Adora wants to take back these last few hours. To erase them like they never happened. Maybe she wants to take back these last few weeks too, and go back to that moment under the pastel sky, when they were holding each other, foreheads pressed together, not thinking about how it could all fall apart.

If Adora could, she would go back to that blissful little Adora, who had just saved the world and kissed the girl of her dreams, and she would’ve thumped her on the head. She would’ve told her to appreciate these short weeks with Catra even more, because these scarce few weeks are all she’s going to get. She would’ve told her past self to fight tooth and nail to keep Catra by her side on all their missions in rebuilding Etheria, come what may, because now she wants that week back. Knowing what she knows now, she would have milked that week for all it was worth before letting Catra go. Before letting Catra leave her. Surely all roads would have led to this moment. To Catra deciding this isn’t what she wants. So now that week feels like lost time. Time Adora was cheated out of.

Adora’s not going to have the rest of their lives to love Catra after all, no matter what fantasies she’s had of their future. She finds herself questioning everything that’s happened. When Catra said she loved her that first time, was that a lie? Every time she’s said it since then, were those lies too? That love of Catra’s... is it not the same love that courses through Adora’s veins? Does she not want her the same way after all? Why would Catra even _kiss_ Adora if she was just going to do this in the end? If she was just going to call it quits?

Adora has so many questions, many of which have not even crossed her mind yet. Her head is too messy right now, and her heart is aching more with each passing second. She wants to ask Catra so, so many questions. But she doesn’t want to ask the wrong things, or wind up looking clingy and desperate. Catra said things are over, so that’s all there is to it. Adora holds her feelings back. She keeps them all bottled up, because she is afraid. God forbid Catra decides she doesn’t even want to be friends anymore. God forbid Catra leaves Bright Moon, and runs away again, to some place Adora can’t find, going where she can’t follow. Adora doesn’t want to lose Catra more than she already has.

“It’s okay,” she tells Catra. Catra, whose smile looks too perfect and practiced to be real. “I just... want you to be happy. And if you don’t want this, then I don’t want to force you. I don’t wanna force you into something you don’t want.”

Catra scowls for a moment. “This isn’t about me,” she says in a pained voice, with an anguished sigh. She shuts her eyes for a moment before looking at Adora again, pulling out that big smile that’s meant to be reassuring. “Hey. Uh. Don’t worry, okay? You’ll find someone else. People would line up the second they find out you’re single. Because...” she rubs the back of her neck. “Y’know. Because it’s you.”

Adora’s teeth clench at the thought. Finding someone else? The space between her eyes burn with agony. She cannot imagine, cannot even begin to fathom being with anyone else. She has only ever wanted Catra. She’s only ever felt this deeply for Catra. Only for Catra, and for no one else, has her heart burned like this. What is she going to do now? All these feelings she has for Catra, where is she going to put them?

“Thank you,” Adora lies in a deadpan voice. “You’ll... you’ll find someone else soon, too.”

Catra’s face falls for a moment. “Uh... I don’t think I want that. Not for now. I still have a lot to work on, y’know? Being a better person and stuff. I have a lot to make up for.”

For a moment, Adora allows her mind to wander again. She wants to ask. _Is this why?_ Is this why Catra is breaking up with her? Would Catra be willing to come back to Adora after she’s done working on herself? Because Adora would wait for her. Adora would wait years if it meant seeing Catra’s light at the end of the tunnel. But she doesn’t ask. Because she’s afraid of what the answer may be.

“Oh, I see,” she barely manages to say instead.

They go their separate ways soon after that, because Catra has a lot of work to do and Adora gets summoned for some She-Ra related duty before she can even collect herself properly. But it’s good. It’s comforting to have a distraction instead of staring into space and entertaining her thoughts.

The day runs by and Adora doesn’t speak a word of what happened. She goes through the motions, smiling at all the right moments, doing what she’s meant to do. Bow and Glimmer look so happy together, everyone looks so happy, and Adora knows telling anyone anything at all would only ruin the bliss her friends fought so hard to have.

* * *

“I can leave, you know,” Catra offers when night falls. She’s standing awkwardly in her sleepwear, back against the wall with her arms barely crossed.

The sight hits Adora as she remembers how much has changed in the past day. She’s been so numb, just going through the motions, but in doing so she forgot how their motions have to change. Them breaking up isn’t just them breaking up. They’re going to have to sleep in separate rooms now. Separate beds. They’re going to have to tell people, such as Bow and Glimmer, so they can arrange to have separate rooms and separate beds.

“I mean, I _should_ leave,” Catra scratches her head. “This is your room.”

She starts walking to the door, and Adora stays silent for a moment. Sleeping in a different bed from Catra... she can barely fathom it now. Her body’s already carved a space for where Catra should be. Resting in the crook of her neck, the curve of her back against Adora’s front.

“Where would you even go?” Adora asks as Catra opens the door, the words making her freeze up.

“I... uh. Don’t... don’t worry about it.” Clearly, Catra doesn’t quite know the answer to this, but she stubbornly marches on, trying to leave the room anyway.

Adora sighs, pushing all her suppressed feelings into that one exhale. She walks up to Catra and pulls her back in the room. “You’re not going anywhere.” She shuts the door, and Catra looks at her with wide nervous eyes. “We can figure it out tomorrow. For now... we can share that bed–“ she points to it, as if that bed wasn’t _their_ bed, as if they hadn’t been sharing it blissfully for every night they’d spent together–“unless you have a problem with that.”

Catra looks scared for a moment and it dawns on Adora that maybe her tone is coming across rather harsh. Perhaps she is being too hostile. She takes a calming breath. “Are you? Are you okay with this?”

Catra shifts her weight from one foot to the other. “Yeah. As long as you’re fine with it.”

Adora nods. “I am. So, that settles it then. We’ll be sharing this bed. As... friends.” The word leaves a sour taste in her mouth. Adora never thought it would feel painful to be Catra’s friend. All because she wants to be more, all because they used to be more, but now they aren’t.

“Huh,” Catra remarks. “I guess that’s not weird then.”

Adora whips her head around to look at her. Briefly, she wonders if she can convince Catra to keep sharing a bed with her. If she can still have _this_ , despite not getting anything else. “Yeah! Why would it be weird, right? It’s not weird at all. And besides, we’ve shared a bed as friends before. We can do it again... can’t we?”

Catra nods in agreement. “Yeah,” she takes a breath. “This is normal. We can do this. For tonight, at least.”

 _Or, for every night,_ Adora wants to say. Instead, she makes her way to the bed, the new bigger one that replaced Adora’s old single. Adora wonders if she’ll need to ask for that bed back. She’s not sure how long she’ll get to keep Catra in this bed with her. She’s not sure she could sleep on such a big bed alone.

“We should go to sleep,” she tells Catra, pulling open the covers, offering the space to Catra as she crawls in.

They lie down in bed side by side, both of them facing the ceiling, with a tiny bit of space between them. Adora doesn’t know which way to turn. To face Catra would feel too painful, to turn away would feel too foreign.

Somehow, without thinking, without saying a word, Catra and Adora turn to look at each other at the same time. Adora watches as Catra’s eyes widen, filled with surprise as she lets out a small gasp. She presses her lips together tightly after that. Catra tries turning away again, but Adora catches her shoulder.

“How... how was your day?” Adora asks, hoping Catra doesn’t realize how made up the question is, how it’s just an excuse to stare at Catra’s face. Just a little while more.

“Uh... it was okay I guess?” Catra’s eyes shift around as she talks. “I talked to some. Ex-Horde soldiers. Think some of them don’t actually wanna be soldiers anymore. They just wanted to help and didn’t know any other way,” she clears her throat. “So... guess I tried helping them find other stuff to do.”

Adora can’t help the spark that ignites in her chest. “Catra... that’s amazing. You’re doing such great things. Bright Moon’s lucky to have you.”

For a moment, a shy smile touches Catra’s lips. “Thanks... it really isn’t all that great though. I’m, I’m probably making it sound greater than it actually was–“ she searches for more words but can’t find much of any–“how was... how was your day?”

_Horrible._

“It was okay,” Adora lies instead. She hesitates for a moment before she confesses something quietly. “I missed you.” She watches as Catra’s mouth falls open. “We barely saw each other. Can we... see each other more tomorrow? I was with Bow and Glimmer a lot, but I didn’t get to see you. I want to see you.”

The words rush out one at a time the way falling objects rush to hit ground. An unexplainable force pulling them out of her blabbering mouth. She barely manages to get herself to stop talking, and when she does, she’s just staring at Catra, whose eyes are wide with... something Adora is too embarrassed to figure out. She looks away from Catra as her heart pounds and she racks her brain for a way to get herself out of this mess.

“Friends can see each other, right?”

“I missed you too.”

They both blurt out at the same time, and Adora can’t help it, she chortles at the absurdity of the moment. When she stops, she is greeted by the warmest, sweetest look on Catra’s face. Her eyes gleam in the moonlight, her smile tiny and cute.

She falls in love with her all over again, even though that’s the one thing she shouldn’t be doing right now. But she lets herself live in this lie for a minute more, just gazing into the eyes of the woman she loves. If she lies to herself, what’s the damage? No one will know anyway, and no one else stands to get hurt. Catra’s words about missing her decide to hit Adora right at this moment. _Catra missed her today, too._ She hangs onto those words for dear life and lets herself pretend being missed is the same as being loved.

“We can... be normal, right?” Adora asks again hesitantly, after long moments of silence. “We can go back to the way we were?”

Catra exhales, the smile weakening but staying put on her face. “Yeah. I don’t see why not. And I’d like that too.”

“So we won’t ignore each other? We’ll hang out like we always do?”

Catra nods. “I promise, yeah. We will.”

Adora stretches in delight. Her face gets playful. “Does this mean I’m allowed to kick your butt again?”

“When were you _ever_ allowed to do that?” Catra retorts immediately, incensed in the funniest way. She shakes her head with a dry laugh. “You’re welcome to try, but it’s not gonna work, because my ass is unkickable, just like it’s always been.”

“Hm, unkickable?” Adora raises her eyebrow. “We’ll see about that,” she moves her arms, hands under her head as she looks at the ceiling again, formulating ideas.

Catra snorts, and Adora can’t help it, she turns around and looks at her again. “Hey, so... you’re better now? About... this whole thing?”

Adora feels her throat tighten. “Uh, sure,” she says anyway, because she doesn’t want to burden Catra with her feelings. “I mean, I get to fight you again, so–“

Catra’s the one who laughs this time, chuckling in that pretty sound. “Adora, I really don’t think fighting each other is something exclusive to friendship... or something you straight up just can’t do in a relationship. Didn’t we spar several times when we were dating?”

Wow, that’s impressive. Especially considering how short their relationship was! Oh, Adora feels like crying again.

“Oh, yeah,” she blankly agrees instead, shrugging. “Guess I forgot.”

Catra yawns, stretching, and Adora’s eyes roam the moving curves of her body. She gulps at the sight.

“Of course you did,” Catra’s eyes blink slowly. “Idiot.”

“You–“ Adora scoffs, but then she’s yawning too–“you’re the idiot, idiot.”

Catra’s eyes shut longer when she blinks now. “Okay. Good night, idiot.” She pauses, her tone shifting to something more sincere. “Good night, Adora.”

“Good night, Catra.”

When Adora wakes up the next morning, Catra is curled up against her again, and they are snuggling, and it is so comfortable and perfect. Adora is so satisfied she shuts her eyes and sleeps again. When she wakes up the second time, however, Catra is gone, and she feels colder than she’s ever felt before. She realizes this is how every morning will be like from now on. Waking up alone, with nothing but emptiness surrounding her.


	2. sat by the river, and it made me complete

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for over 200 kudos!! please give me more hdfjfsdk i mean i know it's been 2 days but still
> 
> slight warning for like. shadow weaver stuff! don't worry too much though, it's nothing out of left field, if you're more or less okay with the show you should most likely be okay reading this it's not meant to be traumatizing

“So... this is your new room, huh?” Adora remarks as she walks in, admiring the newly decorated space.

Her heart tightens just a bit. Catra sure was efficient in informing Glimmer about her need for her own space. Adora wants to resent how big Bright Moon is, and how many fully furnished bedrooms they have. But she should let go now. Catra deserves to have her own room, away from Adora, now that they’re no longer dating. Besides, Glimmer did a good job here. Just like almost everything in Bright Moon, gentle pretty colors slide across the walls, and the room is bathed in a warm light.

And yet, the prettiest thing in the room is still Catra, standing shyly next to the door as Adora explores the place. Adora should probably stop finding Catra so pretty. If it wasn’t already a bad habit before, it sure is painful to think about now.

“Have you tried out your bed yet?” she offhandedly asks instead. “When I first got here my bed was too big and soft, and it was squishy all over, and I... broke it on accident,” she remarks with a tinge of shame as she continues to look around the room. “You should be care–“ she gasps as she sees it, almost missing it because it was in the corner of the room–“is that a hot tub?!”

She makes a beeline for it immediately.

“Is that a what now?”

Adora smiles as she senses Catra catching up behind her. She turns around and greets her with a knowing grin.

“Oh, it’s this new thing Glimmer told me about. It’s like a tub, but it’s hot.” Great explanation, Adora! She tries to elaborate so Catra doesn’t make fun of her. “Uh, it makes the water warm and bubbly and... and stuff. Heard it’s supposed to be better than a bath. Hey, is it okay if I try it out?”

Catra looks at her, those eyes wide with color. She gulps and her lips part for a moment. “Uh... couldn’t you just... get them to put a hot tub in your room? Or you could just take this one. I didn’t ask for it or anything, Glimmer told me it came with the room.”

“Oh, no... I don’t, I don’t need a hot tub,” Adora waves her off. “Besides, really don’t think I have space for a hot tub in my room. I’ve already got a fountain. You’ve seen me fall in.”

Catra chokes up laughing for a second, and already, this moment is the best part of Adora’s day. What a blessing to be alive. What a blessing to live in this moment, to be standing where she is right now, watching Catra’s eyes curl ever so prettily as the most beautiful laugh she’s ever known rolls out that enticing mouth.

“Right,” she smirks. “You looked so stupid, waving your arms about like an idiot. Fun times.”

“Fun times?” Adora scoffs. “I nearly got a concussion!”

Catra shrugs. “Eh. You’re always bumping your head into stuff. Must’ve developed a resistance by now. Your stupid hair poof protects you, remember?”

Adora lets herself blush as Catra lightly thumps her very valid, not at all stupid hair poof, teasing her.

“Are you gonna let me test out your hot tub or not?” Adora complains with her arms crossed.

Catra rolls her eyes, sighing. “Fine, whatever. Just don’t break it or make a mess.”

“I won’t, I promise!” Adora flashes a look that’s hopefully reassuring, before getting her hands all over the controls of the hot tub. She presses buttons and hot water begins to fill the tub, steam vapors rising from the surface. Colorful lights glow and strobe from the walls of the tub, and another button press fills the surface with thick bubbles. She turns off the water when the tub gets full enough.

“All done!” Adora announces to a curious but reserved Catra, crossing her arms hesitantly but peering into the warm tub. Adora reminds herself of Catra’s phobia and water-related trauma and decides not to pressure her to get in.

“Oh,” Catra deadpans. “Cool. I didn’t know this thing had weird lights.”

The lights radiate different shades of orange, pink, and white. It is the most mesmerizing display.

“Yeah, aren’t they great?” Adora responds as she pulls off her jacket, before reaching for the hem of her shirt and tugging that off too. Catra catches sight of it and gasps.

“Wait, what—what are you doing?!”

When Adora’s finished pulling her shirt off, leaving her topless, she sees Catra with her hands over her eyes.

“What do you mean?” she smirks to herself, realizing the situation at hand and finding it very fun. “I’m getting into the hot tub. Can’t get my clothes wet. Is everything okay, Catra?”

Catra’s hands are still over her eyes. Feeling mischievous, Adora reaches for her wrists and pulls them away.

“AH!” Catra quickly shuts her eyes once her hand shields get taken down, and Adora bursts out laughing. “Don’t do that!”

“Why are you being weird?” Adora titters, letting Catra shove her naughty hands away. “You’ve already seen me naked, remember?”

Memories of their nights together, rolling about between the sheets, flash past Adora’s mind. Oh, the things she’s seen too. They imprint in her mind, the memory seared in hot and deep. She may have... lost Catra, in many painful ways. But her memories? Those are hers to keep, so long as she can remember them.

She watches as Catra blushes, slowly opening her eyes again, but deliberately looking at the ceiling or the walls this time.

“I’m taking my pants off now, Catra,” Adora announces deliberately, mostly to elicit a reaction. “Just warning you this time, in case you freak out about it again.”

“I did not _freak out–“_ Catra finally makes eye contact with her again, albeit in an uneasy manner–“and just because I’ve seen you–“she clears her throat–“uh... uh, before–“ a deep breath–“doesn’t mean you can just pull all your clothes off in front of me without. Fine. Some sort of _warning_. Things are different now, okay?”

“Okay,” Adora takes her pants off and stands still, and normally she wouldn’t just stay rooted to the spot, fully nude, for so long. But Catra is looking at her body, looking at her like she can’t help it, her eyes roaming and scanning Adora like she still wants her somehow. And that’s crazy, but receiving Catra’s gaze is just... hypnotizing.

Catra finally breaks her stare and accidentally looks Adora in the face, making her embarrassed for a moment. She quickly averts eye contact, staring at a spot in the ground this time. “Look. You need to know that the things you do have–“ she sighs–“an effect.”

“An effect?” Adora raises her eyebrow, putting her hands on her hips rather cockily. “Hm, an effect on who? You?”

Catra’s cheeks stain pink as her entire face stiffens. Then, she gets angry. But it’s very funny to watch. “Shut up! No it doesn’t—ugh—you’re such an idiot! Forget this, I’m leaving–“

“This is your room!” Adora points out with a hearty guffaw, grabbing her wrist. “Where else would you go?”

Catra smacks her forehead with her hand in frustration. “Okay, fine, whatever. I’ll stay, but... will you just get in the tub already?”

“Okay, okay,” Adora climbs in obediently, and she sinks into the water with a heavy sigh. “Ah...” she shuts her eyes, and to have her skin enveloped like that feels so good. She lies her head on the edge of the tub. The sounds of the water bubbling is strangely comforting to hear.

“Does it feel that good?” Catra asks in a small voice.

Adora opens an eye, then both of them, and then she sits up a bit straighter in the tub. She gives Catra a calming smile. “Mhm. If you want to try... uh... maybe dip a finger in it? I don’t know if that–“

Catra actually does it. Slowly, she puts a finger in. And then her entire fist. She relaxes her hand and soon half her forearm is under water. She stares at it in a disconcerting way, but at the same time, she looks... okay. Somewhat comforted by this.

“How does it feel?” Adora asks, slow and careful.

“Hot,” Catra answers. “And warm. And... weirdly good. It’s different from...” she shuts her eyes for a moment, pained. “The water he put me in was cold.” She bites her lip, and Adora stays perfectly still so Catra can continue. “It made me feel like I was going to freeze. This, this is completely different.” Another pause, but she’s contemplative this time. “I think... I think I wanna get in.”

She pulls her hand out and steps away from the tub, reaching for her clothes. Adora feels her insides burn when she realizes what Catra’s about to do.

“Should I look away?” Adora asks and it makes Catra snicker.

“Look all you want,” Catra says nonchalantly. “There’s not much to look at anyway.”

Adora wants to protest that, but Catra is undoing a clasp and it makes her throat go dry. She finds herself turning her body to face Catra head on, and her arms gather on the edge of the hot tub in anticipation.

Catra’s top loosens and she slowly starts shifting out of it. She pauses and snorts at Adora’s position. She must be making a real spectacle. She must look really interested in watching Catra.

“Wow, you’re really gonna look, huh?” Catra remarks with a teasing tone.

Adora props her face up with an elbow. “Uh huh. Is that... not okay anymore?”

Catra’s tongue seems to be swirling slightly in her mouth. “No, it’s fine,” she responds. “You can look. But I feel like I should be charging you, the way you’re staring.”

Adora should argue this but she laughs instead, partly because she can’t believe herself and partly because it’s not even debatable, the way she’s leering at Catra. “Go ahead and charge me, Catra,” she manages to respond after she calms down. “I’ll pay.”

Catra looks blank faced at her for a moment, inhaling deeply. Adora doesn’t even _have_ money. The very notion is ridiculous, and it seems Catra somewhat knows that, because she scoffs at her again.

“You’ve already seen me naked before, idiot,” Catra asserts with a bitter tone. “Why would you pay to see that again?”

Adora looks down at the frothy bubbles for a moment as her heart tightens. Catra really doesn’t understand, does she? She doesn’t know, and perhaps she will never know, just how deep Adora’s waters run for her.

“Why wouldn’t I?” this is followed by a quieter: “it’s you.”

Catra seems to ruminate over this for a while, her face stunned, her mouth silent. Then, she begins to move. She takes her clothes off slow, looking directly at Adora the entire time. Adora, on the other hand, isn’t so good with keeping eye contact. Her gaze travels wherever Catra’s hands move, at the expanse of skin she reveals. Her heart is pounding just to watch, and a heat forms between her legs that has nothing to do with the hot tub she’s sitting in.

Catra gets fully undressed and she moves slowly towards the hot tub.

Adora offers her hand. “Need help getting in?”

Catra takes her hand, and slowly steps in. Adora makes sure not to pull Catra into the water with her, just in case she changes her mind about getting in after all. But Catra gets in and stays in. She looks a little uneasy though, and she hugs her legs in the tub, looking down at the bubbles, the vapors.

“Catra... is everything okay?”

Catra nods slowly. “Yeah...” she responds after consideration. “This... really is okay.” She sighs, her body visibly relaxing. A little stiff, but just being in here is a big move for her. She looks at the ceiling. “I think it might even be good.”

“You like it?” Adora can’t help but feel good for a moment. Maybe she shouldn’t take credit, all she did was hop into a hot tub that just happened to be in Catra’s room. But by doing that... she helped Catra find a way to be less scared of water. Less hurt by it. Perhaps she doesn’t feel good because she thinks she solved Catra’s problem, but rather because it’s just so nice to see Catra feel a bit better about something that was haunting her so much.

Catra gives her a small smile. “Yeah. I do.” A pause. “Hey, Adora?”

“Yeah?”

“Is there any, like, button you can press to make this thing a bit... warmer?”

Adora beams at her. “Of course.” She sits up a little bit and reaches for the right button. In doing so, however, she exposes her chest, no longer obscured by soapy suds for a moment. The only reason she notices this is because Catra audibly gasps, and when she turns her head she watches as Catra averts her eyes, turning a full ninety degrees away. Adora swears she bites her lip. Under the water, her hand squeezes so hard on her knee that it shakes. It’s not hard to put two and two together, but the realization that she has—that she _still_ has—an effect on Catra... it hits her like a ton of bricks.

Knowing that Catra might... or well, _is_ still somewhat physically attracted to Adora... it’s interesting. It’s a nice feeling too. It’s not the best feeling though. The best feeling would be to be loved by Catra completely, body _and_ soul. To be loved by Catra... the same way Adora loves her right now. The way she’s loved her for so long. Still... she’ll take this consolation prize.

“Is this good?”

“Huh?” Catra turns around again, and it’s funny watching her get so flustered.

Adora doesn’t give her a hard time for it. “Is the water hot enough now?” she asks more specifically.

Catra gives several quick nods. “Yeah. It’s good.”

“Great,” Adora says. They rest in silence like that for a while.

It ends up being a very nice afternoon after all.

* * *

“I saw her,” Glimmer recalls in an airy voice. “When I was trying to free my dad. She came through, she spoke to me. And I know that was her. It wasn’t some vision, it wasn’t some memory. It was... I think it was really her. She’s out there,” she smiles, hope in her eyes. “I think we can save her.”

“Entrapta and I have made the calculations,” Bow steps in excitedly, pointing to said calculations on the board with a pointer. “The reason why opening a portal used to be so dangerous was because Mara put Etheria in Despondos. But when the Heart was activated, we got pulled back into the universe. Our reality is now back in its place. The right place! Where portals can totally be opened. Entrapta’s built a machine to detect portal activity. She found something that we think might be Angella. She’s almost done working on a new portal machine too. We could bring Queen Angella back to our reality! Back to Etheria, right here on Bright Moon.”

“That’s amazing!” Adora marvels, genuinely so excited and relieved to hear this. She’s always felt guilty for letting the queen sacrifice herself. She’s always wondered if they could ever bring her back, not just because she felt bad, but because she became her family along the way. Always such a strong, nurturing presence. Plus she’s Glimmer’s mom, and Glimmer deserves to have her mom back. “Do we have to prepare anything? What’s our plan? When do we leave?”

“We should be hearing back from Entrapta in a few days,” Glimmer responds. “She’ll give us more updates then.”

“And there isn’t really going to be a big plan,” Bow continues. “We’re gonna... open a portal. And hopefully when we do, the queen will be there and we’ll... pull her to safety?”

“But what if it isn’t that simple?” Catra pipes up from her reserved position in the corner of the room. “I don’t wanna like, burst anyone’s bubble,” she rubs her neck. “But what if there’s monsters to fight or weird creatures to kill or–“ everyone is looking at her now–“what if she isn’t there when we open the portal? And we’ll have to go in to search for her?”

“Then we’ll go in and search for her,” Glimmer interjects firmly. “And we’ll fight _anything_ that gets in our way. I mean...” her face falls in realization. “I’ll fight anything that gets in my way.” She pauses with a sigh. “I’m sorry. I know this could be dangerous. I’m only telling the both of you so you stay informed. You don’t actually have to come along.”

“No, that’s not what I meant,” Catra shakes her head, hands straightening in explanation. “I’m not chickening out or anything. Of course I’m coming. We just, I just think we need to think this through more. Our world isn’t _just_ science. It’s also magic. A lot more magic now, these days, than we’ve ever been used to. And magic, as good as it is, it can be like—unpredictable—and dangerous.”

“Catra’s right,” Adora agrees. “We don’t know what we’re going to face for sure, or how dangerous it might be. Bringing too many people on this mission could even destabilize the portal, putting our reality at risk again. I think the less people we have searching for the queen, the better.”

“That is a good point...” Bow mumbles in thought.

Adora smiles, happy for the validation. “I was in the portal with Queen Angella, at the end. When she stayed behind to seal the place off from our reality,” her throat tightens a little at the painful memory. “I know the place better than anyone. I’ll go and get her back myself. Smaller team makes it safer, right?”

Glimmer scoffs. “Oh, come on. Alone?!”

“Adora, there’s no way we’re letting you do that,” Bow scowls at her. “We’re not letting you risk it all by yourself.”

“I’ll come too.” Catra stands up. “She’s right. There’s every chance this gets dangerous if too many of us come along.” Her eyes shift, and the way they shift bothers Adora. “Besides, like Adora said, Queen Angella... stayed behind to keep reality safe the last time. If we, if we end up needing someone to stay behind again… that person should be me. I should be replacing her.”

Bow and Glimmer are livid to hear this. Adora feels herself go numb and her skin starts to buzz in a bad way.

“Nuh uh,” says Bow, firmly shaking his head. “Out of the question, Catra.”

“I’m not saying I’ll stay behind on purpose or anything,” Catra argues, and the fact that she’s so calm about this makes it all much worse. “But if it comes down to it, and we need a person to take the queen’s place, I should get to stay behind.”

Glimmer takes a deep sigh, balling up both her fists. “Catra... my mother is an immortal being. You... are not,” she emphasizes. “We are not _sacrificing_ you like that.”

“Well,” Catra smirks with mischief, shrugging. “So, maybe I’m not immortal. I do have nine lives, though. Oh wait, make that eight. I accidentally died yesterday.”

“Oh my god.”

“Catra, why are you doing this?” Adora interjects, frustration lining every one of her words. “This isn’t a joke–“

“And I’m not _joking_.” Catra turns to glower at her.

“Why are you trying to sacrifice yourself?”

“You say that as if you weren’t trying to sacrifice yourself first,” Catra retorts with her arms crossed, frowning. “Stop being such a hypocrite.”

Adora scoffs. “What? I’m not being a hypocrite! I was trying to minimize manpower on a mission, which success might depend on the number of people we send into that portal! What are _you_ trying to do, Catra?”

“I’m trying to make up for what I did!” Catra sharply retaliates, throwing her words. “Come on, Adora. Don’t act like this whole thing wasn’t my fault. I know it was almost you, okay? It was almost you left behind in that portal. I know that now. If it weren’t for the queen... it would’ve been you stuck between realities.” She looks ashamed. “You... paying the price for a mistake I made. How else am I supposed to make up for that?” Her voice gets small. “I don’t know how you can even look at me.”

Adora goes very quiet, her eyes burning, her heart breaking. Why would Catra think that? How could she think that? Why would she want this? She presses her lips together, and when she opens her sour mouth, words come barreling out.

“Is that why you broke up with me?”

Catra’s reaction is immediate. She stiffens, her face freezing over as her mouth falls open a little too. Her eyes are wide with fear. She doesn’t move, until she does, upon which she runs out the room, slamming the door behind her.

Adora’s knees crash to the floor. She clenches her fists as tears leave her eyes. Everything she’s been suppressing and holding in since their break up comes rushing out and she starts bawling harsh and painful into her hands.

“Adora?”

“Hey, come here...”

Bow and Glimmer rush to hug her tightly, almost immediately. A part of Adora feels ashamed. It’s embarrassing enough to be crying, but before this, she’d been so vague about her feelings. She brushed off all their concerns, putting on a big smile and telling them everything was fine, that her breakup with Catra was no big deal, that she was perfectly happy staying _just friends_ with Catra. Apparently not. And apparently, trying to hide and ignore how she felt about the whole thing is breaking her at the seams. It has made her into a dreadful storm, rushing in unwelcome during a warm, sunny day.

Getting to rescue Glimmer’s mom, having such a hopeful new mission... today should’ve been happy. This meeting should’ve ended in giggles and a kitchen raid. Instead, Adora’s wails dull the occasion with the most agonizing sounds.

“I...” she sniffles, in between sobs. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, no, it’s okay!”

Glimmer slowly shushes her, gently rubbing her back. “Let it all out, Adora. We’re here for you.”

“I can’t stop,” Adora shrugs in her tears, shaking her head. “I can’t stop loving her—why can’t I stop loving her?”

Neither Bow nor Glimmer provides an answer to that. Instead, they hug her tighter.

“I want her... so bad,” she continues with a snivel. “I want her back. Why doesn’t she want me?”

A minute later, the door opens again and Adora looks up in her tears to see Catra standing there. Oh, now this just got way more embarrassing. She tries to rub her tears away immediately, but there’s no hiding the fact that she cried. That she’s been crying. Catra knows. Catra knows this now.

Catra sighs that all too familiar sigh. Adora senses her footsteps, walking closer, and it makes her insides crawl until she feels those arms of Catra’s wrap around her, flinging around her with some sort of desperation.

Bow and Glimmer let go and step back. They stay quiet, perhaps knowing that this is what Adora needs. What she badly craves, too.

“Shh...” Catra says so quiet and soothing, inhaling deep as she hugs Adora. Adora hugs her back just as tight, and then she sobs, because she can’t help it anymore. She cries, in the arms of the girl that broke her heart. The girl that is breaking her heart more and more, even as she embraces her now. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m sorry, okay? Please... please be okay.”

Adora’s sobs die down to slow sniffles. She gets the strength to look up at Catra. Catra looks worried. Great. Even after their break up Catra still has to be burdened with her silly little emotions. But perhaps Adora doesn’t feel that guilty about it. There’s no space for guilt when Catra is gently stroking her hair, tucking loose strands behind her ear.

“You scared me. Please... don’t scare me like that again, okay?”

Catra snorts, but there’s barely any substance to it. She smiles a bit sadly at Adora. “I won’t,” she says, “so you can stop crying about it... you baby.”

“No, for real,” she shakes her head. “No sacrificing yourself. No risking your life like that.”

Catra looks down at this, seeming guilty. “I... I have to make it up to the people I hurt. You know that.”

“Do it without getting yourself hurt,” Adora argues with a weak voice. “You don’t deserve to suffer like this anymore. And you can’t hurt yourself without hurting me too. I can’t handle that, okay? I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to you,” she blurts out. Adora feels her eyes fill with tears again. She cups Catra’s face with a quivering hand. “Promise me you’ll live?”

Catra looks winded. She gulps. “Okay.” The air grows still. “I’ll try. For you. And... for me too, I guess.”

* * *

Glimmer ends up sidelining the both of them, barred from partaking in the Rescue Queen Angella mission. Which, is kind of a bummer and also really embarrassing, but it’s a small price to pay to know that Catra definitely won’t try to sacrifice herself, and take the queen’s place in that portal.

The big price Glimmer ends up making Adora and Catra pay though, is to spend the morning with Perfuma, meditating and... getting therapy.

The meditation is downright torturous, and Adora nearly dies trying to stay quiet and focused the whole time. She keeps secretly opening her eyes to look at Catra, and a few times, she manages to open her eyes right as Catra cracks an eye open. The whole affair thrills her even as Catra rolls her eyes at her once or twice, even as Perfuma catches her and hits her with some plant magic so she shuts up or shuts her eyes again.

Right now, they’re in the spare room, or the... well. Shadow Weaver’s old garden. And Perfuma is making them... do plant stuff.

“This is ridiculous. You’re the _plant_ princess,” Catra scoffs. “Your entire power is to magically control plants. You could fix up this whole garden in seconds, barely lifting a finger, and you want us to go around the place... what, doing it manually? Digging our hands into the dirt?”

“Yes! Was I not clear about it before?” Perfuma gleefully responds without batting an eye. “Gardening is a form of therapy,” she interlocks her fingers. “It is meant to bring joy and relaxation.”

“Well, maybe for you,” Adora grumbles under her breath, and Catra must’ve heard it, because she snickers unwittingly. It makes Adora smile.

“What was that, Adora?” Perfuma asks, and Adora flushes with embarrassment.

“Nothing!” She gives her a big smile, one that shows her teeth. “I just... just can’t wait to... garden.” She picks up one of the tiny shovels and a pair of pincers. “Let’s get started?”

Catra follows along picking up similar tools, and they get to work under Perfuma’s tutelage.

Tending to the dull, thorny plants Shadow Weaver nurtured... it is not a nice feeling. There is something ominous and dangerous about it, but Adora decides it’s probably not a good idea to bring it up. Perfuma doesn’t know of her discomfort anyway, and Catra hasn’t been told whose garden this was. What Catra doesn’t know won’t hurt her, right?

“What are we supposed to do here?” Catra asks with a disgruntled look. “Just like. Pull these out like weeds?”

“We have to make space for the new flowers!” Perfuma explains. “And. As you can tell. These plants... have horrible vibes.”

“Okay. I think I got it,” Catra yanks out an ugly discolored daffodil with her bare hands, groaning from the exertion. Adora gulps at the sight. It’s... distracting to remember just how strong Catra is sometimes. Catra grunts as she exerts force again to dig a hole in the dirt, plopping in the new seeds and covering it back up. Adora feels this great urge to kiss her.

“Great!” Perfuma’s smile makes her eyes curl happily. “You seem to have the hang of this. I’ll go get us all some hot herbal tea.”

Hm. Tea does sound very good. “Thanks, Perfuma,” Adora says as she leaves, and they wave at each other.

The door shuts. Adora looks at Catra, who’s still hard at work, pulling out weeds and dying flowers. Catra catches her stare, and stops momentarily to narrow her eyes at her.

“Why are you slacking off?” Catra asks, and this catches Adora off guard.

“Huh?”

“What, you’re tryna like. Mooch off my work or something? Take credit for my gardening? Not gonna happen, Adora,” Catra shakes her head disapprovingly, tutting at her. “Just because you’re bad at gardening doesn’t mean you get to cheat off of me.”

Adora scoffs, feeling this familiar competitive energy build up within her. “Yeah, right,” she puts her hands on her hips, standing up and moving far away to the other end of the garden. “Too bad for you, I’m great at gardening. I don’t need to take any credit for your work. Just, don’t go crying when I completely destroy you at this.”

Catra snorts, snapping a thick stem in half, dropping it dramatically to the ground. It makes Adora bite hard on her lip. “We’ll see about that.”

Adora lets out a giant exhale when she turns around and begins to throw herself into gardening. She has to prove a point now, and also she needs to calm down. It seems just looking at Catra is giving her all these... urges. The urge to pounce on her in the middle of this garden, for instance. And doing that is completely out of the question.

So plant flowers she does, dig through soil she does, and she finds that Perfuma is right. There is something a little therapeutic about this. A little fun, a little fulfilling. There’s a slight thrill too, in getting to dispose of Shadow Weaver’s plants. The plants she poured more care and gentle love into than she did Catra and Adora’s upbringing.

Catra makes a groan of frustration and it catches Adora’s attention again. She turns and titters quietly as Catra seems to be stabbing a bed of soil to no avail. She’s unable to make a dent for some reason. Adora doesn’t think about why Catra can’t make a dent in the soil, only focuses for a moment on how annoyed Catra looks. She then turns around and goes back to the lavenders she’s been planting.

“Forget it, I’m just gonna–“ Adora hears a snipping sound, and that’s when it happens–“ah!”

“Catra?”

She turns around and spots Catra backing away from the daisies. One of them lies on the ground cut off at the stem. But what matters here is how Catra is reacting to it. She’s shaking and parts of her body are spasming in a way that’s too familiar.

In ways that Adora has seen all too many times before.

“Adora? Adora!” She barely manages to choke out her name, shutting her eyes in agony as she grunts, biting her lip to stifle the pain. Adora quickly abandons her gardening tools and leaps to her side. “Adora, it’s her!”

“Catra? Catra, what’s wrong?!” Adora’s grabbing onto Catra’s body in a panic, willing it to stop, to stop hurting her. She cradles her in her arms, shaking with fear. “Who’s here?”

In her desperation, Adora transforms into She-Ra on the spot and immediately starts trying to heal Catra. But it seems like there might not be anything to heal. If there is, she’s failing to do it. She tries her hardest, but Catra still shakes, not able to really move, like she’s being shackled by dark magic. But whatever’s happening to her isn’t visible to the naked eye. Adora can’t see what’s hurting her.

Somehow, it seems like Catra’s caught in some illusion only she can see and feel. A pain that only she knows. Adora wishes she could take it all away. She racks her brain for solutions, and looks ahead at the daisies. Shadow Weaver’s flowers. Of course. These horrible flowers must be doing this to Catra somehow. Enraged, Adora sends a blast of energy at the flowers. Other flowers are knocked back, but the daisies are less affected, staying more or less upright. She yells in frustration.

Catra’s breathing erratically as Adora holds her hand for dear life. “It’s her,” she struggles to speak in a cold sweat. “Shadow, Sha–“

The door opens just as she’s saying this and Perfuma walks in with the tea. She drops the tray and it smashes to the ground.

“What’s going on?!”

“Help her!” Adora shouts at her in distress. Catra seems to be in less pain now, but she’s still suffering, she’s still shaking, hyperventilating. “It’s the daisies, something happened–“

Perfuma focuses her energy and suddenly something’s happening to all the plants in the room. Adora doesn’t pay much attention to it, choosing to focus on Catra instead. She heaves a sigh of relief when Catra’s breathing slows back down to something resembling normal. She doesn’t seem to be in any kind of distress anymore.

“Catra?” Adora asks in a very small voice, interlacing her fingers with Catra’s. Catra squeezes her hand and it inadvertently gives Adora permission to breathe again. Catra wearily opens her eyes before letting them shut from exhaustion. She rests her head against Adora, her chest rising and falling.

Adora looks up at Perfuma, who has her brows furrowed.

“She’s okay,” Adora says, gently stroking Catra’s head. “What happened here?”

“It was the daisies, like you said,” Perfuma explains. “Shadow Weaver must’ve put some kind of spell, or curse. To hurt anyone who tried harming them,” she continues nervously, a heavy note of guilt. “I couldn’t sense it until I purged the flowers from existence, and the curse along with it. I put the both of you in danger... I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Adora smiles weakly. “You stopped it. You saved her. That’s more than what I could do, apparently,” she sighs. Why couldn’t she stop things the way Perfuma did? Why couldn’t she take away Catra’s pain?

“This isn’t your fault, Adora,” Perfuma assures her, sitting down next to them and putting a hand on Adora’s shoulder. “The curse must have conjured some kind of illusion. Something mental. You can heal injuries and restore lives. This is something different. You can’t fix matters of the heart, or mental scars. That’s why we have therapy. Although... that’s clearly a work in progress too. It’s not a perfect solution yet.”

She makes a good point, but Adora wishes she could mend mental scars too. And this whole thing happening... it’s obviously Shadow Weaver’s fault, but she’s gone now, and Adora could’ve said something about how handling her garden made her uncomfortable. She could have told Catra this garden belonged to Shadow Weaver so she could protest if wanted. But she didn’t, and it leaves a bad feeling in her stomach.

“That’s okay. You still helped us today,” Adora assures Perfuma one more time, not wanting her to feel bad for something that’s more of Adora’s fault than anything. “Thank you,” she adds, before carefully picking Catra up. She looks so tired. “I think I’ll be taking her back to her room. She needs to rest.”

“I’ll see the both of you soon.”

Adora walks back to Catra’s room with her small, weakened body in her arms. She ignores the looks she gets when she walks past various guards or staff members in Bright Moon. She focuses only on Catra and how much it hurts to see her like this.

Gently, Adora tucks Catra into bed and decides to try again. Catra looks so lethargic and devoid of energy. It looks so unnatural. There has to be a way to heal her just a bit more. Adora can’t stand seeing Catra like this. She thinks very carefully about trying to take away whatever pain Catra is feeling now. It doesn’t matter if she can’t take it all away, but she has to do something. She has to try and make things better for Catra. Somehow. Maybe it’ll work this time because she’s calmer and not freaked out like she was earlier.

She takes a deep breath and holds Catra’s hand, spreading She-Ra’s healing energy to Catra as best as she can. When she finishes, she goes back to her regular body and sighs. She sits and stares, and a minute later, Catra gives a cough.

“Catra?”

Catra sits up, by no means perfect, but looking a little less worse for wear than she had been.

“Hey, Adora.”

“How are you feeling?”

She lies back down on the pillow. “Weird.” She sighs. “And... kinda stupid I guess.”

Adora raises an eyebrow. “Stupid?”

“We saw her die. We _watched_ as she got killed by that monster. There’s no way she could still be alive. There’s no way she could’ve hurt me again.” Catra turns away. “But I thought she was back anyway. And I fell into her stupid... flower curse trap or whatever.”

“Catra, that’s not your fault,” Adora insists, placing a comforting hand on Catra’s wrist. “She placed a strong curse on those daisies. She’s a bad person and doesn’t care who she hurts with her dark magic. I can’t believe she would do something like this. I mean, I can believe it, but...” she sighs. “It’s just flowers, and they aren’t even nice. Maybe those daisies had something magical stored in them... and she wanted to protect them at all costs. That would explain why the spell was so powerful.”

“Well, I should’ve fought it anyway,” Catra holds her arms in a tight, crossed position. She then shrugs, sighing. “I don’t know. Who cares. It’s my fault for trying so hard to destroy those daisies, I guess.”

“No, it’s _my_ fault,” Adora interjects, feeling guilty. Catra deserves to know the truth. “I knew those flowers, the whole garden—belonged to Shadow Weaver. I should’ve told you that. I should’ve said something to Perfuma so she would’ve let us do something else.”

“How is any of that your fault?” Catra scoffs, sitting up with an arm draped over her bent knee. “Don’t be an idiot. There’s no way you could’ve known this was going to happen.”

“Well... if it’s not my fault then it’s not your fault either,” Adora insists with a smug smile. “I’ll admit it’s not my fault if you do too.”

Catra rolls her eyes, crossing her legs. “Fine. Guess it’s not my fault.” She gets a smile now. “By the way, if we hadn’t been so rudely interrupted, I would’ve totally kicked your ass at gardening.”

Adora huffs, crossing her arms. “Oh yeah? Well, dream on, because that was never happening.”

Suddenly, Glimmer teleports a few feet away from them.

“Oh! There you are. I’ve been looking for the two of you everywhere! Come on, we got my mom back!”

Adora leaps to her feet. “The queen’s back? You guys saved her?”

“Yup! And she’s been asking for you. Come on, we gotta go!”

Adora quickly turns to look at Catra who seems a bit uncomfortable and reserved. “Are you feeling okay?”

“What’s wrong?” Glimmer asks, immediately concerned. “Did something happen?”

“Nope!” Catra answers quickly, before Adora can say anything. “Nothing happened, and I’m perfectly fine, so, let’s go meet the queen.”

Glimmer teleports them almost immediately as Catra says this, and Adora looks carefully to make sure Catra’s okay right as they land in the throne room. She doesn’t look too nauseous, so Adora focuses on the reason they’re all here.

“Your Majesty!” she greets with a big smile, bowing respectfully. Catra does a half bow too, beside her, looking a bit awkward. She seems to feel out of place and Adora understands. She’s never really met the queen before, not in any positive way. “So glad to have you back.”

“Adora,” Queen Angella smiles kindly as she holds lovingly onto her husband. “Have you been well? Glimmer told me she took you off the team to, well–“

“Oh, uh–“ Adora scrambles for an answer that isn’t _‘my ex tried to suggest she take your place in that portal and I started ugly crying because I am still in love with her’_ and comes up empty–“well, you see...”

“Adora was just busy with other things, mom!” Glimmer hastily explains. “And uh, so was Catra. They were both very busy together, so–“

“Catra?” Queen Angella looks slightly confused as she gazes upon her. “Is she not–“

Catra looks afraid and starts to back away but Adora holds onto her and pulls her back, presenting her to the queen. “Your majesty, this is my friend, Catra. She helped to save Etheria.”

“Uh, hi,” Catra waves in a strained manner. “I used to be evil.” She clears her throat. “Trying to... not be that anymore. And uh, Adora’s giving me a bit too much credit here,” she jabs her thumb in Adora’s direction. “She did most of the world saving.”

Queen Angella lets out a small laugh. “I see. How exactly did the both of you save the world then?”

Adora feels herself freeze up. She turns to look at Catra, who has that same frozen look on her face.

“Uh... magic?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, walking in two days after chapter one dropped with chapter two in my arms, posting this despite telling myself to space these out at least 5-7 days: hey…. Hey……
> 
> anyway yes let’s break down these 3 scenes. I have to admit I thought chapter one was the weakest chapter in this fic, not because it’s bad, like I like it, but I just thought the later chapters are better. but u guys blew me away with your feedback!! Thank you so much and PLEASE please do keep commenting. I mean it when I say more comments = faster updates. i got over 60 comments and it changed me as a person. i also got a bunch of asks on Tumblr which I loved. It’s so fun y’all make this so fun please don’t stop 😩😩I am really Really looking forward to ur thoughts on this chapter, big or small, long or short, coherent or incoherent. I want it all. I don’t care how many you have. Give it to me. Anyway, what am I thinking right now? Am I filled with fear that chapter one was like incredible and all the other chapters mysteriously suck for some reason? and that all of u are gonna spit in my face and leave? No I’m not <3 yes I am <3 no I’m not <3 
> 
> Ok anyway YES I gave them a lesbian hot tub. It’s what they deserve ok. I think a hot tub with lesbian themed lights would fucking slap. I would get in so quick I swear. Also yeah the cold and hot stuff. for me I think it’s plausible that the green pool horde prime put catra in was like… cold. Because he’s like a metaphor for religion and god and heaven and stuff. he sees light as good and darkness as bad, so it wouldn’t be crazy to assume that he utilizes coldness and low temperatures in his torture. Hell burns hot, right? So for horde prime I figured he would burn cold. ergo hot/warm water would be a way to like…. counter the pain she suffered in the cold freezing water. and her getting into the hot tub was not as scary because it’s a small tub that she can get out of whenever she wants and Adora Is There looking very comforting and making it not feel so scary. It’s like. Her choice, u know, and that’s important. Lol its v random I don’t think it’s super woke or anything. Or maybe it is woke. Idk I just wanted to explain it. And I hope I did the scene justice 
> 
> anyway… the rescue angella planning scene…. i think that. While catra knows she did a lot of bad stuff I think she was unaware of some of the specifics until she was sent to work at bright moon with various bright moon soldiers and staff who like. Likely did not know much of her good deeds and mostly knew her for her bad… deeds? So they remind her about it. And some of it is new info to catra, like she knew opening the portal harmed the rebellion + princess alliance, but she probably wasn’t properly conscious of the fact that adora could’ve been locked away in the portal? And that angella got trapped there for years? So catra who is on a journey of redemption and growth will likely take it one step too far. Ergo, she wants to sacrifice herself if needed lmao. And adora…. who is miss sacrifice thyself…. Obviously she wants to do that less because she learnt to value her life and everything, but old habits die hard and if she can do something difficult she would rather do it then let anyone else. blah blah blah lol i know I should shut up because I want to hear ur thoughts and interpretations but I have can’t shut up disease. I am so bad at explaining too so… but ya go off I guess
> 
> Adora: I can’t stop loving her…. Why can’t I stop loving her?
> 
> Bow and glimmer: bc ur a furry 
> 
> Istg bow and glimmer just…. They’re just like Jesus fucking christ what is this. bro u know what as long as they’re not starting wars over their gay bullshit we’ll leave them be. Literally what the fuck
> 
> Sorry about the shadow weaver stuff :( hopefully I warned u all enough. I don’t find it triggering on a personal level but what I can take isn’t universal. That being said I didn’t do anything that is completely different from what we see in the show? Like basically what happened was catra relived stuff shadow weaver did to her, and thought she was still alive and trying to like… get her. Yeah :( also yes perfuma doesn’t give them perfect therapy. She’s like their age not a licensed therapist. I don’t think perfuma should be everyone’s therapist but I do think perfuma would try and help everyone who needed it… to various degrees of success? lmao idk 
> 
> And angella is back!!! They were weird about telling her how they saved etheria because they’re broken up, not because they saved the world in a gay way <3 imagine u go up to the queen and say I saved the world by kissing this girl!!! And she’s like nice y’all banging? And u gotta be like we were…. For a bit then she dumped me. What a fucking bummer right ghdfjsdkjfs 
> 
> Really REALLY hope u guys liked this


	3. walked across an empty land

They throw a big party at Bright Moon to celebrate Queen Angella’s safe return to Etheria. To their reality. All the hard work and missions to do whatever they usually do on a day to day basis gets halted for the festivities. Adora’s sitting in Bow and Glimmer’s room as Glimmer pulls out some new dresses to model for their opinion. Well, mostly Bow. He’s hyping Glimmer up and giving genuine comments on which color brings out her eyes or whatever. Adora’s mostly just... sitting there.

“What do you think, Adora?” Glimmer presents her look with a smile. “Is this the best one?”

“I... think so?” Adora offers a sheepish smile. She knows Glimmer just wants to look good for her mother’s welcome back party, but she doesn’t feel the least bit useful here. “Hey, maybe you should ask Catra what she thinks. She’s got a better eye for fashion. Uh... where is she, by the way? Did you ask her to come in?”

“Yeah, but Catra said she had her own outfit to work on,” Glimmer explains. “She said she might come in later to see what I’m wearing though.”

Adora’s entire body buzzes with curiosity and excitement. “Huh,” she restrains herself, trying to seem cool and composed. “I wonder what Catra’s wearing for the party.”

Bow and Glimmer exchange a look.

“You should go look for her, Adora,” Bow suggests with a supportive smile and two thumbs up.

“We all know you wanna know what _she’s_ wearing,” Glimmer says with the tiniest bit of judgement. “Go, she should be in her room,” she smiles widely and supportively anyway.

Adora gets a big wide grin on her face. “Okay!” She gets up, running out and waving at Bow and Glimmer as she leaves. “I’ll see you two later!”

She barges into Catra’s room without knocking and catches Catra stepping out of the shower, a white towel wrapped around her torso.

Adora probably should’ve knocked, but she was too excited to remember, and Catra never made it a rule to knock before coming in. Then again, she’s only had this room for a short while. Adora’s cheeks grow warm looking at her.

“Jeez. Ever learned to knock?” Oops. Guess it’s a rule now. Catra goes behind the divider of her changing area and Adora stumbles over to one of the beanbags to wait for her. Yes. There are beanbag chairs in Catra’s room now. Adora might have broken one of them before but that doesn’t matter right now. No one shall speak of it.

“Sorry,” she hastily apologizes, “but uh, Glimmer–“ she prepares to lie–“told me to come over here and check on what you’re wearing to the party.”

Catra emerges from her changing area in her usual daily outfit. She carelessly drapes her towel over the top of the divider and hops into the beanbag next to Adora’s. “Okay. Well, what are _you_ wearing to the party? S’not fair for me to show you and not see what you’re wearing in return.”

“Oh,” Adora nervously plays with her hands. “I was just gonna wear that red dress I always wear on special occasions. You’ve uh... you’ve seen it.”

Catra snorts, shaking a head. “Seriously? That dress?”

“Why, what’s wrong with that dress?” Adora bites her lip. “Is it that bad?”

“No, you still look good in it. Hot in an uptight sorta way–“ these words make Adora flush with heat–“but you’ve worn it a bunch of times already. Everyone’s seen you in it. There’s gonna be so many girls at this party. If you wear something different and nice you could... reel someone in.” She pauses. Adora frowns, not liking the sound of ‘reeling someone in’ that’s not... you know who. “And besides. I don’t think you even like that dress.”

Adora shrugs. “I don’t know. It doesn’t matter whether I like it. It’s just something I wear to parties and stuff. Parties don’t happen everyday. I should be focusing on... celebrating the queen’s return, instead of. Meeting people.”

“Who says you can’t do both?” Catra stands up, holding her hand out to Adora which she instinctively takes. “Come on. I have something for you.”

Catra leads her to Adora’s own room, opening her closet, which now has a fitted suit inside that wasn’t there before.

“Sparkles told me you wouldn’t be caught dead getting a new outfit for the party,” she remarks as Adora steps closer to the beautiful suit in awe, touching the lapels. “So I had one made for you.”

“It’s beautiful,” she beams, her heart pounding with gratitude. “You made this... for me?”

“Uh, duh, do you see any other fashionably inept girls in here?”

Adora’s smile only gets wider. She chortles momentarily. “I love it. It’s white... and gold.”

“Wait, you mean it’s not black and blue?”

“Huh?” Adora does a double take, before looking over at Catra who’s also staring intently at the suit. “Why would it be black and blue?”

“I don’t know,” Catra says with a shrug. “I meant for the suit to be white and gold but it turned out black and blue anyway.”

Adora grabs onto her face with heaps of concern. “Catra, are you okay?! Why are you seeing those colors?! Is this because your eyes are wrong?”

 _“Wrong?”_ Catra scoffs with contempt. “What’s wrong with my eyes?”

“Nothing!” Adora insists, her energy still just as high and sort of deranged. “They’re, they’re the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen! It’s just, growing up Shadow Weaver would tell me your eyes were broken because they were different colors and that would—never mind.” She stops herself because any train of thought about something Shadow Weaver once said is one that shouldn’t be continued. “I don’t believe anything she’s ever said anymore.” She takes a deep breath, shutting her eyes to collect herself. “I need to remember that.”

Catra’s mouth opens then closes. Her eyes blink slow. “I... I see it as white and gold.”

“What?”

“I was... I was just messing with you, okay?” She hugs her arms a little guiltily. “I didn’t mean to make you think my eyes were broken.”

“You scared me,” Adora groans, a little embarrassed. “Why would you pretend you thought the suit was black and blue?”

“I thought it was funny! And it’s kinda true. Because it happened to someone. Some other people. Like, when I showed Scorpia your suit she genuinely thought it was black and blue.”

Adora snorts. “Wait, she did?”

Catra shrugs, snickering. “Look, I don’t know. She thought it was black and blue. So we kind of gathered a few people to decide who was right—some of them thought it was white and gold, some of them thought it was black and blue,” she raises her hands in some sort of resignation. “So... eh, mixed views. I think it might be a lighting issue. But... whatever, who cares about that. Are you gonna wear the suit to the party? You... you don’t have to y’know, I was just tryna give you some options.”

Adora looks a little shyly at the suit. She can’t help but feel special somehow. As far as she’s concerned, Catra didn’t make party outfits for anyone else. “Of course I am. I love it.”

“Cool,” she says nonchalantly, but a soft smile creeps up to her face. “Uh… you need any help putting it on?”

“Yes please,” Adora jumps at the chance, hoping she doesn’t sound too enthusiastic about this. “I have... no _idea_ how to put suits on. Please help me.”

Catra snorts again. “It’s not exactly rocket science, but,” she grabs the suit. “Sure. I’ll help you.”

* * *

Adora grabs nervously at the lapels of her suit, surrounded by ruckus and music and people. Every time she touches the fabrics that clothe her she remembers the person who buttoned her top, who held her suit jacket as she put her arms through it.

She gulps at the memory of Catra, her body mere inches away, her face tightened in concentration as she dressed Adora up like her own personal doll. As she brushed her hands against her hair, telling her it looked good down around her shoulders. The hair that Adora runs some fingers through right now. Catra did all this for her. With the utmost care, warmth, and sincerity.

And the way Catra looked at her when she was done with her work... she looked at Adora in the suit like she wanted to take it off again.

They were so busy with getting Adora dressed, and when that was done Bow and Glimmer barged in to fawn over Adora’s new party look. Catra skulked off to change, so now Adora still has no idea what she’ll be wearing. She’s waiting near the entrance of the ballroom, eyes locked on the door willing and waiting for Catra to show up.

And she does.

Catra walks through the door and... wow.

Catra is wearing a black choker. Black stockings, short black boots with cute little buckles. High-waisted satin shorts, a black mesh top and a blue bralette. Lastly, she sports a navy blue shoulder cape made out of silk.

Adora finds this sight to be equal parts funny and heartbreaking.

Funny, because Catra’s clearly doing a bit from their color debacle earlier. Black and blue isn’t even her usual color palette. It still looks good on her though. Then again, every color is good on her.

This is heartbreaking because the Catra that stands a few feet from her looks heavily reminiscent of the Catra from her future vision. The future vision that she now knows is fake. An actual _dream_ that will never be real. A happy life of romance and bliss with Catra... that feels just as impossible now as it did back then, when she was dying. Right now, even though her body is physically unharmed, she feels like she’s dying again still. Every day that passes, every morning that she wakes up to alone and without Catra in her arms... it’s killing her slowly.

Adora puts a smile on her face as Catra approaches her. Catra’s outfit only looks more and more stunning as she walks towards Adora. Maybe she is so blown away that she can forget her sadness for a moment and stare at Catra to her heart’s content.

“Hey,” Catra says with a crooked smile, and she seems to be admiring her work on Adora’s body again. Adora doesn’t know why she would bother when Catra looks so drop dead gorgeous herself.

“You look amazing, Catra,” she tells her breathlessly. “But also... did you do this on purpose?”

Catra smiles in a way that shows how proud she is of herself. She crosses her arms. “Obviously.”

“There you guys are!” Glimmer barges in with Bow and they’re both holding drinks. They each hand Catra and Adora one. “Guess what? I told my mom we’re all old enough now, so she’s allowed alcohol at this party!”

“These are a cocktail called a mojito!” Bow excitedly explains upon Catra and Adora’s confused faces. “They’re pretty good, but if you wanna try something else, you can just walk over to the bar and ask the bartender.”

Adora takes a sip. The mojito makes her feel really warm inside. In a good way. “Oh, I like this.”

“Be careful not to drink it too fast,” Glimmer warns, “also don’t drink too many cocktails. It could make you sick... or like. Loopy. You could lose control and not be aware of anything that’s happening.”

“Oh, sign me up for that.” Catra immediately begins to chug her mojito until it’s empty. She looks a bit wrecked from the activity that makes Glimmer put a disapproving hand over her face. Bow looks worried. Adora catches Catra by the arm to steady her.

Glimmer sighs a little judgmentally. “Really, Catra?”

“I do what I want, Sparkles,” she clears her throat awkwardly. “But maybe you do have a point about going slow,” she shakes her head around a few times. “Never mind. I’m good, I’m good.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Adora asks with concern. Catra laughs it off.

“Uh, duh. I could finish your drink off if you can’t do it.”

Adora moves her drink out of Catra’s reach. “Nope. This one’s all mine.” She takes a few more sips, and then the music playing changes into something awkwardly familiar.

Bow and Glimmer’s faces light up. “Let’s go dance!” she tells him, and then they’re laughing as they skip away to the dance floor, where many people are partnering up.

Adora looks on wistfully, thinking back to Princess Prom. This was the song that played when they danced. She turns to look at Catra, who’s been looking at her. She raises her eyebrows in question.

“Sorry,” Catra says as she looks away. “This brings up bad memories, huh?”

Bad memories? Adora wouldn’t say that. She didn’t appreciate it at the time _(and was right to because back then Catra was orchestrating the kidnapping of Bow and Glimmer)_ but Catra dancing with her and dipping her in the most perfectly dexterous way might be one of the best moments of her life. Their hips pressed together, their legs slotted so tightly, Catra’s hands on her back… Their lips were so close they could have kissed. In the strangest way, Adora misses the intimacy of that moment. She was so clueless and sort of naive back then, much more naive than she is now, but there was something so nice about dancing with Catra and grumbling about Catra’s evil plans and letting their bodies fall into each other. Ignorance truly is bliss.

Adora no longer has the luxury of ignorance. Now, she knows she wants to dance with Catra, but she also knows it would be wrong to ask.

“It wasn’t all bad,” Adora tells her as such. “The only bad thing about back then was that we weren’t on the same side,” she does mean _same side,_ but she also means something else entirely. “We’re friends now,” she gives a small smile as her heart tightens. “That’s all that matters. Having that is good enough for me.”

Catra seems to take a moment to process this. “We should dance again,” she suggests. “We should dance so that this song won’t be about, about bad times, or when I was hurting you. But more about… our friendship or whatever. Dancing as friends instead of enemies.”

Now, the smile on Adora’s face is sincere. Also, she cannot believe Catra is suggesting this. She doesn’t care that it’s a friend dance, or why Catra would want this dance with her, she just takes it.

“Let’s do it,” Adora quickly concludes, before sliding their hands together and pulling Catra out to the dance floor. She twirls Catra towards her in a fast spin and catches her by the waist with a smirk.

“Wow, someone’s got moves,” Catra snorts as they step back and forth in choreography, making Adora snicker for a moment too.

“You’re the one who knows how to dip people,” Adora reminds her, giving Catra space to brag. She takes the chance immediately, dipping Adora, and then they giggle again as she pulls her back up.

“Yeah? And you know how to lift people,” Catra continues, and Adora feels her insides burn.

She proves it right away too, and Catra looks momentarily shocked at getting lifted up so high before smiling. “You mean like this?” Adora asks in a cocky tone, feigning ignorance.

“Yes, you show-off,” Catra teases, and Adora titters as she puts her back down.

The song changes. It’s slower now, and the way everyone else dances changes. Everyone kind of just... silently holds their partners and sways to the music. Something about it feels very romantic. Catra and Adora mimic the slow dance positions that everyone is in.

They don’t talk for a while.

“You look... beautiful,” Adora whispers next to Catra’s face. “I hope you know that.”

“You’re not even looking at me,” Catra jokes.

“I don’t need to,” but Adora shifts and looks anyway. Catra’s eyes blink in a daze as she stares. “Yup... you’re...” she exhales, “beautiful. I was right.”

“Pft. Shut up,” Catra shakes her head, reacting a moment too late, but Adora pretends not to notice. “You’re the one that’s beautiful. You’re so stunning it shouldn’t even be possible. Uh, but, I mean... that’s just obvious,” she shrugs. “Everyone knows that.”

Adora stops dancing. She stands there and stares awestruck at Catra’s face. Catra looks back in confusion. It’s like she doesn’t know the things she says, she doesn’t know what comes out her mouth, and she doesn’t know just how overwhelming it is, the effect her words alone can have on Adora.

“Adora? What’s wrong, why’d you stop dancing?”

Adora feels a heavy, heavy lump in her throat. She remains perfectly still for the moment, because if she moves she’ll pull Catra in for a kiss, and if she opens her mouth she’ll just ask for Catra’s lips.

She might beg, actually. She would go down on her knees in desperation. To taste her kiss again in the middle of this dance floor, not caring who could see it. She wants it so, so bad it kills her. The worst form of torture is to stand here as she does now, staring at Catra’s beautiful face and her gorgeous body, and do nothing. To meet none of her urges.

Because Catra is no longer hers, and she no longer wants to be hers, and it doesn’t matter how stunning or beautiful Catra says she is, doesn’t matter how confident Catra is in Adora’s looks, doesn’t matter how many dances they share in this ballroom.

_Catra doesn’t want her this way._

And oh god, does it hurt so much to dwell on that.

Perhaps the only way to resolve this is to leave the situation.

“I’m sorry,” she tells Catra, letting go of her, and then she walks away, weaving through throngs of happy couples dancing. Happy couples she cannot join the ranks of because the reality is: she is alone, even in the midst of so many people. Even in the midst of the girl she loves.

She hears Catra hesitantly call her name once or twice. First a little agitated, then a little sad, kind of like how Adora sounded when she spoke. Oh, well. This is the most she can do for Catra. This is the best she can do for herself.

Adora turns at the last moment when she exits the dance floor, but Catra is gone too, and despite looking around she can’t spot her anywhere. But it’s for the best. Spending too much time with Catra will only hurt in the end.

She stands at the edge of the room, against the wall, watching everyone fly past for a long while. Just... deflates all by her lonesome, because there’s not much else to do that interests her at the moment. There’s not much she wants to do, when her heart is so heavy and her mind is so ravaged.

Adora hears familiar noises and voices bumble and fumble their way over to her.

“Sorry, Glimmer, but you’re wrong. It’s white and gold because She-Ra’s colors are white and gold. That’s just the logical explanation! I don’t know what else to tell you.”

“No, _you’re_ wrong!” Glimmer declares in a stubborn voice. “It’s black and blue, because Catra’s outfit is black and blue, and she designed both outfits to match on purpose. You know what, Adora’s right there. Let’s just ask her!”

“Hey, you guys,” Adora gives them a smile since it’s clear she can see them, and they’re close by enough for her to just greet them. “How’s everything?”

“Adora, is the suit white and gold–“

 _“It’s not–“_ Glimmer interrupts pettily.

“Or black and blue?”

Adora snorts but there’s barely any feeling to it. “Uh, well, Catra–“ she nearly chokes at having to reference and remind herself of her–“she... she meant for the suit to be white and gold.”

“Hah! In your face, Glimmer!” Bow fist pumps as he taunts her. He turns to look at Adora in silly, lighthearted gratitude. “Thanks, Ador—uh—hey... are you okay?”

Adora tries to put on a happy smile, a happier more assuring smile. “Oh, I’m good! I’ve just uh... alcohol. You know! Hah,” her hand flicks at the wrist, “those cocktails. I’m just taking a break from all the uh... inebriation?”

They assume she’s drunk, or getting drunk, which is better than nothing. They giggle at her.

“Okay. Remember to pace yourself, okay, Adora? Drink lots of water.”

“Where’s Catra? Weren’t you two together? Think we saw you dancing earlier.”

Adora goes red at the memory. And the embarrassment of how she essentially ran away. “Oh, uh. Catra’s getting a drink for me,” she lies.

Bow and Glimmer give each other happy knowing glances.

“Glad to see the two of you getting along.”

“Have fun! We’ll catch you later, okay?”

Adora nods and they leave with cute little waves. It’s good that they’re caught up in loving each other and thinking that they’re giving Catra and Adora some alone time, not knowing that they’re leaving her alone. Adora knows they’re doing it with a good heart, hoping that Catra and Adora get back together. Sadly, there’s not really anything she can do about that. If there was anything she could do to get Catra back, she’d do it in a heartbeat. But, as far as she knows... there isn’t.

So she stands there alone, but the mundaneness of this activity starts to set in after her short-lived conversation with Bow and Glimmer. It brought her back to reality in a good way. Maybe. Adora isn’t so sure how great she’s feeling at the moment. Maybe she should follow up with the fake story she told them and get herself a bit drunk. She makes her way over to the bar.

“Uh... what alcohol drink can you give me?” she clears her throat weirdly as she asks the bartender, trying not to look and sound like she is completely new at this.

The bartender looks at her strangely. “You should take a look at the menu.”

“Oh!” Adora reacts awkwardly as she takes hold of the menu on the countertop, scanning the list of drink items, not really understanding anything she’s reading at all.

“You should try the sangria,” an unfamiliar voice pipes up beside her. “Perfect for drinking beginners like you.”

Adora turns around and finds herself standing next to a very... attractive woman. She’s tall, incredibly muscular, and flashes a charming smile. Adora feels a little wobbly just looking at her. “What makes you think I’m a drinking beginner, and... and not a hard, seasoned alcoholic?”

The woman snorts, laughing. It’s quite a pretty laugh. Adora tries not to think about another laugh she knows, she tries not to compare both sounds. This woman’s laugh is nice enough and it makes Adora forget enough of her pain to smile.

“Oh, just about the everything about you,” she teases, and Adora laughs this time.

“Really? Was it that obvious?”

“Next time, don’t call it an ‘alcohol drink’,” she raises an eyebrow.

Adora nods slowly. “Right. Got it,” she looks over at the bartender. “Hi, could I have a sangria please?”

“Yeah, sure thing.”

“If it tastes bad, I’m blaming you,” she says with a bit of a stink eye.

“Don’t have to blame me. I’ll buy you the drink.”

“Aren’t all the drinks here free at this party?”

“Oh, smart,” she says, kind of sarcastically and patronizingly, snorting when Adora gives her a look. “Fine, so the drinks are free. I’ll buy you dinner instead,” she leans in flirtatiously. “I hope you _hate_ the drink.”

Adora finds her heart picking up a faster pace. Her cheeks get a tinge of pink.

She hears a slurred voice behind her.

“Hey. Hey!” A glass slams somewhat roughly on the bar top. “Hit me again. Hello? I want another one!”

Adora fails to resist the urge, she turns and looks because she would know that voice anywhere.

“Catra?” she whispers to herself.

Catra looks absolutely wasted. A little bit of a mess right now. She stumbles, somewhat slumped against the bar. She wonders when Catra got here. Maybe she’s been going to and from the bar while Adora had been sulking over in some corner. She has no idea how Catra got so drunk. How long was Adora moping around for?

“Hey, lady! I thought I already cut you off. Scatter! Go!”

He shoos her away and Adora can’t help it, she makes her way over to Catra and pulls her steady.

“Catra, are you okay?” She takes Catra’s drinking glass from her and returns it to the bartender. “How much did you drink?”

Catra snorts, collapsing into one of the bar stools. “Hm. Enough,” she then proceeds to chuckle like it’s a joke, and the sound of her laugh washes over Adora like a cleansing wave. She feels so hooked on her all over again.

A strong arm wraps around her shoulder and Adora nearly forgets she had been talking to someone before she got all caught up in Catra again. It’s pretty embarrassing actually.

“Hey, is everything okay?” She gives Adora a smile that she returns. “You wanna get outta here?”

Adora suddenly sees the expression on Catra’s face. She’s seething, gripping tight onto her chair.

“Get. Your arm. Off. My girlfriend,” she says with clenched teeth, scowling. And Adora’s jaw nearly drops to the floor.

“Catra?”

But Catra doesn’t respond and gets up, going right up to the woman whose name Adora doesn’t even know, and staring angrily up at her in a menacing manner.

“Did you not hear me?!”

“What?” She takes her arm off Adora’s shoulder.

Catra hisses, and it sends a chill down Adora’s spine. “You think you can just put your arms wherever you want, huh?” She smacks her lips. “You think I won’t fight you? ‘Cuz I’ll fight you, lady. I’m not scared. I’ll fight you right now–“

“Catra? Catra, please calm down,” Adora soothes as she takes to her side, gently pulling her back. The whole image was actually really funny to watch—Catra threatening a woman with a massive height and muscle advantage—but Adora knows how skilled Catra is, how strong she is. She doesn’t want things to get ugly, no matter how... interesting this situation is.

“Adora...” Catra seems to lack focus in her gaze. “Hey...”

She leans her head into Adora’s shoulder. Adora alerts the bartender. “Can I get some water here?” She turns to the woman. “I’m sorry. I have to take care of her.”

The woman shrugs. “It’s fine. I shouldn’t be flirting with someone who already has a girlfriend anyway.”

Adora opens her mouth to protest but realizes that she doesn’t care. She would rather date Catra for one more night than entertain the possibility of a new relationship. Although, Catra doesn’t seem to be in the right state to date anyone right now, let alone her. The best she can hope for is a night of babysitting this intoxicated Catra.

The bartender hands her the water. She takes it and gingerly holds it up to Catra’s lips. “Catra? Catra, please drink this. We need you to sober up, okay?”

Catra lightly sips at the water. “Mm,” she frowns and rejects it after a few sips. “Where is she?”

“Where’s who?”

“That home wrecker–“ Catra groans and rubs at her head, and Adora nearly laughs–“gonna... gonna _wreck_ her. Who... who does she think she is? Tryna steal you from me...”

Adora plays along, her heart pounding like she’s the one who’s drunk. “No one’s stealing me from you, Catra.” She takes a deep breath. “I’m all yours, okay?”

Catra wraps her arms around her tight, resting her head on Adora’s chest. “Mm. All mine–“ she drags out those words–“good... I love you,” she mumbles incoherently, but the words hit Adora so hard her eyes burn. She has to blink back tears and compose herself. She needs to... get a handle on things. She needs to calm down. Catra clearly isn’t in her right state of mind, so why does it feel so right? Why does it feel so honest? Why does she feel so good?

“I love you too,” Adora whispers back in a euphoric way, hugging Catra and breathing in her scent. She should get to do this, at least.

* * *

Adora walks into Catra’s room with a glass of water and some medicine that will apparently help with the headache Catra will almost definitely have. She drank so much last night, and Adora doesn’t know much about alcohol, but from what she’s heard and been told (mostly by Bow and Glimmer when she told them Catra got drunk), drinking too much will give you a hangover, and that stuff hurts your head for a good while the next day.

She’s just in time to see Catra getting up, slouched in her bed, rubbing her temples.

It’s a good thing Adora got up early. You see, she kind of slept in Catra’s bed last night. At no fault of her own though! Catra was holding onto her and wouldn’t let go. Every time Adora tried to leave, Catra would get so upset and confused and she kept asking _why_ and Adora didn’t have the heart to tell her they were broken up. Or that Catra dumped her, no less. So she (very easily) gave up and slept next to Catra, staying on her side of the bed, but not bothering to resist when a very drunk sleepy Catra would snuggle up to her.

“Uh, thanks–“ Catra takes the water and pills, swallowing them uncomfortably–“but like... what are you doing here?”

Adora crosses her arms, snorting. She’s intending to milk this situation for all it’s worth. Catra isn’t getting away so easily with what happened last night. “Oh wow, that’s rich coming from you.”

Catra’s swallowing another gulp of water. “Huh?” she remarks in a raspy voice, her eyes shutting in pain. “Ugh... you’re talking too loud. It hurts my head.”

While Catra is right, she wouldn’t find any of that to be a bother if she weren’t so hungover. And then it suddenly dawns on Adora to try something she should’ve done in the first place.

Her fingers touch Catra’s forehead and magic rushes out from them; when she lets go, Catra looks to be in much better shape than she was moments ago. She watches Catra heave a sigh of relief.

“Wait, why didn’t you just do that from the start?” Catra asks quizzically, now that she can form coherent thought. “Why’d you even give me the medicine?”

Adora scoffs, offended at the call out. “I–“ she starts off defensively–“I... I forgot.”

Catra’s snickering at her now. “You forgot? How do you just _forget_ that you have magical healing powers?”

“I’m sorry, you’re not the only one who had a few too many cocktails last night!” Adora retorts in exasperation. “Is this the thanks I get for using my ancient healing powers on your hangover? That, if I may add, is only _really_ supposed to be for important like, life or death stuff?”

Catra’s face shifts into one of concern. “Hey, wait, does it hurt you to heal people?” She looks guilty. “Does it take energy away from you or something?”

“Uh, I don’t... I don’t think so?” Adora slightly clutches at her buzzing hand, awkwardly clearing her throat. She doesn’t want to worry Catra. Besides, she’s okay. It’s not gonna kill her or anything. “I’m fine, it doesn’t do anything. Just, it wouldn’t kill you to be more appreciative, that’s all.”

Catra scowls as she looks at her. Maybe Adora shouldn’t have done such a good job of healing her hangover. She’s much too perceptive at the moment. “You’re lying,” she tells Adora. “It hurts you, doesn’t it?” she groans. “Ugh, why would you even heal me? It’s just a stupid hangover. You need to stop healing me all the time for no good reason. It’s irresponsible.”

“Irresponsible? _Me?”_ Adora feels heated at this. Why is this her fault now? “Huh, okay, well, if you want me to stop healing you all the time, why don’t you stop getting hurt?” she argues in a raised voice.

“A hangover isn’t getting _hurt_ , and I’m not weak, I can take a few stupid bumps and scraps,” she retorts without missing a beat. “Besides, it isn’t any of your business how much I drink, okay Adora?”

She huffs, clenching her fists. “Well, it is kind of my business when you get drunk and go around telling everyone I’m your girlfriend! Even though _you_ broke up with _me_.”

Catra’s eyes go wide with horror. “I... I did what now?”

Adora sighs, sitting down. She tries to calm herself. Maybe she doesn’t want to rub this in Catra’s face as much as she thought she did. “It’s... nothing. Don’t worry about it. And I guess it wasn’t everyone, it was mostly. It was mostly just me. A good number of people definitely witnessed it happening, though.”

Catra’s eyes shift. “I... I’m sorry. I can’t believe I said that. I should’ve... I should’ve been more careful.”

“I’m sorry too,” Adora apologizes with an exhale. “It’s not like you get hurt on purpose. Most of the time anyway. I heal you... because I want to. Because I need to. I’m the one who’s weak, who can’t handle seeing you in pain... okay?”

“Oh...” she swallows, “okay.”

It goes really quiet for a few minutes. They avoid eye contact and slowly readjust their sitting positions as they kind of contemplate what just transpired.

“Did, uh.” Catra speaks up. “Did I accidentally tell anyone... aside from you... that we were together? Or dating again, or–“

“Not that many,” Adora assures her. “No one that really matters anyway. You got really jealous of a girl that was flirting with me though. You tried to fight her and she backed off because you said I was...” she can’t help it. She blushes at the memory. “That I was yours.”

Catra’s cheeks fade into a dark shade of pink. “I... I really did that?”

“Oh, _yeah_ ,” Adora has to admit. She’s enjoying this just a bit. Just a little bit. “You called her a home wrecker,” she recants with a giggle.

Catra groans, covering her face with both hands and lying back down on her bed. “Oh my god, I’m _never_ getting drunk again. Or drinking at all, just, I’m never gonna do that again. That’s horrible. That’s so stupid.”

“It’s fine,” Adora assures her. “It was mostly funny. And, a little worrying. Because you were drinking so much the bartender had to cut you off.”

“Right,” Catra gulps, sitting back up. “I’m sorry I uh. Chased away someone that was flirting with you.”

“Don’t even worry about it.”

“No, that’s not right,” Catra tells her sincerely. “Hey, do you remember who that girl was? If we can find her, I could always tell her the truth and that I was just really drunk. We could tell her that I tell dumb lies when I’m wasted and that there’s no way you would ever be with someone like me.”

Adora grimaces at this, feeling kind of angry. “But I was with someone like you. I was _dating_ you. What’s that supposed to mean, what are you trying to say? I was happy with you, Catra.”

She barely manages to stop herself from saying more. Catra looks visibly affected by this too. But then she manages to pick it back up and give it a playful spin.

“Fine, then we’ll tell her that _I’m_ the one who’s out of your league,” she jokes and it actually gets Adora to laugh. She hates that this is funny. She hates that she laughs because Catra thinking that she’s not worthy of dating Adora is not even remotely okay. She hopes that’s not how she really feels. “So... how do we track this woman down?”

Adora feels this incredible sense of dread. First of all, she doesn’t even know her name. She got too distracted by Catra too quickly to even bother asking. And second of all... she doesn’t want to track her down. “Uh... actually... that won’t be necessary.”

“Why not? I thought you—I thought you liked her.” For some reason, it looks like this was hard for Catra to say. But she still sounds relatively positive and more or less... upbeat?

“I wouldn’t say that,” Adora shrugs, searching for an excuse to get her out of this mess. “Uh... she’s not... she’s not my type?”

“Pft,” Catra snorts. “Not your type? What didn’t you like about her?”

“Nothing! It’s just–“

“What even _is_ your type anyway?” Catra asks this sort of offhandedly while looking at her nails, and this just. It just drives Adora crazy. It starts to make her angry, actually, just to hear this ridiculous, ridiculous query.

“Do you... really not know?” She says in a very peeved tone.

Catra looks up. “Huh?”

Adora scoffs, her head burning with misery. She feels like she’s running around in circles just by taking part in this conversation. She rubs at her temples. “You’re seriously _asking_ this question?”

“Woah,” Catra raises her hands in surrender. “I didn’t mean to piss you off or anything, it was just a question. Did I miss something? Did you tell me your type a long time ago or very recently and it’s just something I was supposed to remember?”

Adora sighs, shaking her head. How is she still not getting it?

“Hey, whatever it is...” Catra cautiously continues. “You can just tell me, okay? I won’t like... judge you... or anything. If that’s what you’re mad about. It’s good for me to know. That way I can help set you up better. Know which girls to introduce and which not to bother with at all. Not that I know a lot of women, I just. If it helps you in any way, I wanna try.”

Adora gets up with a huff. “You wanna know what my type is, Catra?” She paces fast towards the wall, dismantling the mirror that’s hung up, before placing it in Catra’s arms. “Here. Take a good look.”

She walks out before Catra can even say anything, because it’s all too much for her to take. She’s angry and devastated at the same time. Adora realizes that Catra doesn’t mean anything she said last night. The Catra that’s sober doesn’t want anything to do with her, and is trying desperately to pair her up with any girl that will take her. Going so far as to set her up. To introduce women to her. Catra? Her matchmaker? It doesn’t feel right. Why is she even willing to do such a thing? To assuage her guilt? Whatever the reason, Adora hates it. And she’s tired of all this. The confusion, the yearning, the endless hoping... when will it end? When will this all stop hurting so much?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> catra, staring at her own reflection: adora wants... to fuck mirrors?
> 
> DGFHGJHGHJ sorry i just had to get that one out. here's another one:
> 
> bartender, getting harassed by catra for the 5844784th time to make yet another complicated drink: what's the opposite of pspspspsps
> 
> OKAY SO GHJHJK psa about commenting: PLEASE. don't feel like ur annoying me by making ur comments super long or filling ur comments w quotes from the fic. i am a NARCISSIST. i have a GIGANTIC EGO :( i WANT all ur rambling thoughts. i want ur fucking keysmashes. i want everything. ask me as many questions as u want. comment as many times as u want. i don't care i love it. and i love u. every time someone says 'omg sorry i will shut up i don't want to annoy u!!' i want to DIE because NO. no shut up. only Go Off
> 
> also to all the people who have made breakup fic art. breakup fic memes. i love you more than words can say. i love you so so much and i am looking forward to whatever art or memes u will all make. comments are also art by the way. if u comment i think u are a very sexy artist and i am in love with you. also no pressure to make art or memes. but i do love them very much and want to inject them into my veins 
> 
> i really really hope u all liked this chapter. yes i am well aware that it has been less than a week since i posted chapter one. i posted 3 chapters within one week. i know that's a bad strategy. but also i am starved for validation. this is the direct reaction to all the comments and kudos u all have given me. that being said DO give me kudos!!! i am so so hungry for kudos and it is my dream to get to the first page of the tag in terms of kudos. please try to kudos me every chapter. it won't work for some of you but it might work for some of you? gdfhsdjfhj anyway re first page: i've done that for other fandoms but not for she-ra and i really want that :( idk if this fic is good enough for the first page but i still want it. fdhshfjdd so PLEASE give me those sweet kudos and those sweet sweet comments. i love u all once again 
> 
> also sara if ur reading this happy birthday uwu 
> 
> OH one last thing. i also love getting asks about breakup fic. thank u to all my followers and anons on tumblr who have been sending me asks about breakup fic. i love it. ur welcome to leave comments here and also send me asks about the chapter or anything about the fic. go nuts. go crazy. i love it. watermelon sugar high and all that 
> 
> sorry one last last thing. i fucking forgot about the white/gold black/blue suit thing dhjsdfhsjd i apologize for sending u all back to 2015 but the opportunity was there. i'm pretty sure i'm the only one who took it but dfhsjfhsjd. also i hope u like catra and adora's party outfits!!!!
> 
> one last bad joke:
> 
> people at the party, going up to adora to talk to her: oh man everyone's been talking about your suit all evening! i keep wondering if its white/gold or black/blue! haha!
> 
> adora: that's better than Wondering If She Loves Me Back 
> 
> ok that was really bad i will stop now


	4. knew the pathway like the back of my hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! some of u non-smutters spoke to me about reading this fic and uh. i think for the most part skipping parts u don't wanna read should be easy and i think most of u have said u would rather just proceed w caution? if you're a non-smutter who NEEDS to know which scenes have smut and which don't feel free to dm me on twitter or tumblr @scrawnycatra

“You should count yourself lucky that the Princesses managed to save our queen. Why were you even at her party? Don’t you remember what you did, stupid cat? I can’t believe they put you in charge.”

Adora can’t believe her ears. She came here looking for Catra, because even though it’s been weird—she can’t stay away from her. So what if Catra knows she’s Adora’s type or whatever? So what if Adora stormed off and made things awkward?

Avoiding her, and being avoided by Catra... it just doesn’t feel right. But that’s okay! She only has to explain to Catra that while she might still have a tiny bit of feelings left for her _(a lie that Catra will hopefully buy, the reality is she’s madly in love)_ , that doesn’t mean she isn’t glad that they’re friends.

Being friends with Catra is important to her. It’s enough. It should be enough. Adora’s feelings aren’t worth compromising that at all.

Now though? Right now, she’s just angry. She’s out for blood, and her chest tightens in rage as she hears that good-for-nothing soldier laugh his head off. No one tries to defend Catra at all, some people even snicker along as if that’s at all right to do.

“Hey!” She emerges from where she’d been obscured from view. “Don’t talk to her like that!”

“Adora?”

Adora charges up to the scoundrel with the foul mouth and he cowers in fear. No one’s laughing now.

“Don’t you think you’re going too far?” she questions him in a harsh voice. “Catra is your superior officer. She is in charge of this military. Would it kill you to show some respect?”

She clenches her fist so tight it glows angry with She-Ra’s magic.

“Ah!” He flinches, covering his face with his hands. “I’m sorry! Please don’t hurt me! I’m new, it, it was a dare!”

“That’s enough!” Catra snaps, pulling Adora away. “You, get back to work,” she commands sharply. “You–“ her hand tightens around Adora’s wrist, and this action should probably not excite Adora as much as it does–“you’re coming with me.”

Catra drags Adora out of the military training room, slamming the door shut.

“What do you think you’re doing here?”

“I came here to see you–“ Adora scowls at Catra’s tone, crossing her arms–“wait, are you getting mad at me? I was only trying to help–“

“Well, I don’t need your help, Adora!” Catra exhales deeply, rubbing the space between her eyebrows. “I’m fine, and I have things under control.”

“Under control?” Adora scoffs, displeased. “Were you even going to stand up to that soldier if I hadn’t stepped in? Does this happen often, Catra? Why are you letting them talk to you like that?”

“I’m not letting anyone do anything! You don’t have to stand up for me–“

“Well _clearly,_ I do!” Adora raises her hands in exasperation. “We made you commanding officer of the Bright Moon troops so you wouldn’t have to deal with any hostility from people in Etheria! But we obviously messed up, because the same thing is still happening here.”

The thought of it makes her heart tighten. All this time she’s been thinking about herself, her feelings, Catra’s loss of feelings... she never stopped to make sure Catra was okay. To make sure that she wasn’t suffering here. The whole of Bright Moon saw her as an enemy for years, the transition from foe to friend could not have gone over easy. Adora can’t believe she missed that. She’s supposed to look out for her. They’re supposed to look out for each other.

“This has gone on for far too long,” she continues. “We should’ve put a stop to this way sooner. Were you even going to tell anyone that this was happening?”

“What, so you guys could come in and scold some soldiers for me?” Catra scoffs, unamused. “Big strong Princesses coming to my rescue? To what end, Adora? They’re not gonna stop thinking it. I’d rather they say that stuff to my face, than, than to–“

“You could at least try! Try... getting them to be more respectful or something.” Adora appeals in desperation. It’s breaking her heart to see her like this. “You’re in charge here, Catra. You would’ve never let anyone step over you like that back when–“

“Back when what?” Catra huffs, crossing her arms. “Back when I was in the Horde? When I was committing war crimes and destroying realities? You mean all those things people rightfully hate me for?” She takes a stiff breath. “I have to let them be angry, Adora.”

“Why?” Adora lets out, exasperated, the word dry and airy. “It’s one thing to be angry, Catra, it’s another thing to be treating you the way they are. I know... where you’re coming from. Okay? I get it, I see what you’re trying to do. But people are crossing a line here,” her shoulders rise. “Tell me what I saw doesn’t happen that much.” She points at the door. “Tell me—that’s the worst of it.”

Catra goes silent for a moment. “I... I don’t know.”

Just seeing the look on her face, the way her eyes shift... Adora’s heard enough. Adora’s seen enough. “That’s it, I’m putting an end to this–“ she starts walking away but Catra grabs her and pulls her back–“what?”

“Forget it, Adora. Just, whatever it is, just _stop_ , okay?” Catra sighs again. “No one’s throwing any punches, or grabbing their pitchforks. I’m not getting hurt, so you can stop worrying about me. I can take care of myself. And besides, this is my job. I have to do it. And I’ll take everything that comes with it, okay?”

“You shouldn’t _have_ to take that. I’m not gonna let you.”

“Well, tough luck, okay? You don’t get to decide how I do my job.”

“Okay... fine.” Adora makes a stern face. “If you won’t let me handle that, I’ll handle you. You’re fired.”

She scoffs. “Fire—you’re _firing_ me?” She clenches her fists, livid. “You can’t fire me! You don’t even have the authority to fire me.”

“Fine! Then I’ll ask _Glimmer_ to fire you, or Queen Angella, or anyone you’ll listen to since you refuse to listen to me!”

“Oh, that’s just great,” Catra laughs bitterly. “So you never really believed I could do this, could you?”

“What is that even supposed to mean?”

“Were you lying? Were you all lying when you said I could do this? When you said you needed me for this job? Or was it all just a ploy to keep me locked up and safe?” Catra looks betrayed and upset. “I already said I don’t _care_ about being safe. I want to do something that matters.”

“It’s not a ploy, Catra,” Adora says in a resigned voice. “And it’s not that you aren’t good at what you do. It’s that it doesn’t matter whether you’re doing this job or not. We want you here anyway. The big war is over, Catra. We barely need a military for anything beyond precaution. Everything we’re doing from here on out... is to repair and restore Etheria, and the rest of the universe. Restoring Etheria means restoring its people–“ she holds onto Catra’s hands sincerely–“and that includes you. We want you to be safe and happy. We want you to rehabilitate! Not just because you’re Etherian, but because you’re our friend, Catra. And we love you. I... I love you.”

Catra is stunned into silence again. Adora sighs once more.

“I already told you, right? No more getting yourself hurt,” Adora continues, stroking her hair. The touches go all the way to her cheek. “And by hurt... I don’t just mean physically hurt. I can tell it hurts you, Catra. And you’re allowed to admit it hurts you, the things they say.” Adora points her gaze resolutely at her. “Sure, you’ve made some mistakes. But no one should have to subject themselves to hearing painful, awful stuff all the time _just_ to make up for what they did. You atone by doing more good things, Catra. Not by letting bad things happen to you.”

Catra’s eyes seem to be watering. She looks away for a moment and blinks the tears out. She gulps, making a sound with her throat.

“Catra?”

“Adora... I don’t wanna be the commanding officer of Bright Moon’s military anymore. And... I don’t think I’m even the best person for the job.” She sniffles. “Someone else who these people respect more, they should be in charge. At least for now. In their eyes… I haven’t earned it yet.”

Adora immediately brings her into a hug. She soothes Catra as her tears become stifled sobs. “You’re okay,” she strokes the back of Catra’s head. “It’s okay, we’re gonna fix all of that. You’re gonna be okay.”

Catra hugs her tighter and Adora sinks into this feeling. It should be sick that she is enjoying this at all when Catra is bawling her eyes out into her shoulders... but Adora isn’t happy because of Catra’s tears. She feels good because she’s hugging Catra, she feels good because Catra’s opening up about her pain instead of hiding it away. It makes her heart ache to see and know that Catra’s let herself just suffer in silence for so long... but it feels amazing now that she’s finally admitted to it, that she’s finally letting Adora help her with this.

Adora plants a tentative kiss on top of Catra’s head, and it makes her heart pound to think about all the ways she could react. Thankfully, Catra doesn’t push her away in disgust, nor does she freeze up or tell her off. Her sobs are dying down, and yet she is still hugging onto Adora, like she needs it, like she craves it, the same way Adora does.

Catra stops crying and emerges from Adora’s shoulder, smiling sweetly at her, before hugging Adora again with a contented sigh.

Adora doesn’t know what she means by that, but she knows it puts her on cloud nine. And for now... that’s all she needs.

* * *

“What’s... going on here?” Adora’s eyes pan across the room. Her room. That Glimmer just teleported her into. She was just getting out of Bright Moon’s new sauna, and didn’t have time to get her jacket. She’s only dressed in her white top and slacks. She doesn’t even have her shoes on. But... Glimmer once told her shoes off indoors is a very good and hygienic thing to do, especially if it’s her own room. So Adora’s not really doing anything wrong.

“Uh... can’t you tell?” Mermista deadpans like it’s obvious. She gestures to a bottle in the center of the circle they’re all sat in. “We’re playing spin the bottle.”

“Oh!” Adora reacts before realizing that she has no idea what that is. “Uh, what is that?”

“It’s a kissing game!” Perfuma explains in glee.

“Ki–kissing game?” Adora’s eyes fall wide open and her cheeks get hot and red. “Like... like we kiss each other?”

“It all depends on who the bottle lands on,” Glimmer continues with a smile. She’s already sat down, part of the circle with Mermista and Perfuma. Adora is still awkwardly stood where she landed when teleported. “The game’s simple. You spin the bottle, and then you kiss whoever the bottle lands on.”

“Oh...” Adora can’t help but feel... shy? She doesn’t really understand why they’re playing this game. She also knows that everyone sitting down right now already has people they kiss on a regular basis. So why would they want to play a game where they’d have to kiss each other? “Are we just—is it just gonna be the four of us?”

They all look at each other with knowing smiles.

“Oh, we’re still waiting for–“

Familiar arguing noises creep closer to Adora’s room, and she looks over in time to see it open and in comes Scorpia—with Catra thrown over her shoulder. Adora’s heart starts pounding faster at the realization that Catra will be playing too, and that there’s every chance they could kiss again. She could kiss Catra again... after going cold turkey for so long.

“Sorry, wildcat,” Scorpia apologizes as she puts Catra down. “It was just faster this way.” She waves to everyone. “Sorry we’re late! Catra took a little bit of convincing.”

“Ugh, I knew I should’ve been the one to bring Catra over,” Glimmer sort of grumbles behind her.

Catra dusts off her thighs with a slightly peeved look. “No thanks. I’d rather get thrown over a shoulder than blast off with you,” she retorts, observing the circle. “Uh, so anyway, what are you all doing here?” She gets a smile, strangely. “What, are we gonna trash Adora’s room?”

“Pft, you wish,” Adora says with her arms crossed. “We’re gonna play spin the bottle.”

“Huh? What’s that?”

“Wow, you don’t know?” Adora smirks proudly. “Spin the bottle is... is when you spin... the bottle. And, you uh, you, there’s ki–“ she looks over at the other Princesses–“hey, how does it go again?”

“Hah!” Catra laughs mockingly at Adora, and Adora wants to be mad and she is kind of ticked off but none of her anger is genuine. Catra is too beautiful and her laughter is so addictive, even if it does come at Adora’s expense. “You don’t know it either.”

“Well, I still know more than you do,” she responds smugly.

“Only because you got here first–“

“Oh my god!” Mermista groans loudly, interrupting them. “Can we just play the stupid game already?”

“Uh...” Glimmer interjects nervously. “Everyone sit down. I’ll explain the rules again.”

Catra and Adora quietly comply because they don’t want to make Mermista mad.

“Okay,” Glimmer continues. “So, this is how the game works–“ she spins the bottle–“we pick one person to go first, and they spin, and then whoever it lands on... they’ll have to kiss them–“

“Wait, what?” Catra reacts, freezing up. “We have to do what now?”

“Kiss!” Glimmer says with a bright smile. “And then the person who got kissed spins the bottle and then they kiss whoever _that_ lands on–“

“Woah, woah, woah–“ Catra gets up–“why are we playing this game?”

“Because... it’s game night?”

“There are literally a million other games we could play that’s not this,” Catra tightens her fists, gulping. She’s turning red, Adora can tell. “Also... what game night? When did we decide that? This, all of this happening—why’s it so random?”

“What’s wrong, Catra?” Adora narrows her eyes smugly, even though she brings up many valid points that Adora is confused about too. “Don’t tell me there’s someone here you’re too scared to kiss.”

It’s a very bold thing for her to say, all things considered. Quite frankly, the notion of kissing anyone in this room right now terrifies her. She doesn’t exactly want to kiss any of them aside from Catra. She hopes that isn’t rude of her to think.

Catra glares at Adora, tightening her gaze. “No, I’m not _scared_ , you idiot.”

“You sure about that?” Adora relaxes her sitting position to look as cocky as possible. “Because if you’re too chicken to play, we can stop, y’know.”

It makes Catra scoff. “Me? A chicken? You’re the chicken, chicken. You’re only saying that so you have an excuse to make this game stop. I know you don’t like this any better than I do.”

Adora shrugs, sitting back up straight again. “No, I’m... I’m fine with it,” she’s not exactly _fine_ , but she’s not as freaked out as Catra looks. She hangs onto that reasoning so she won’t look like she’s lying. A part of her hopes Catra takes the bait and insists that the game ends before it even starts. Another part of her wants to see how far they’ll both go. “You’re the one who’s being weird about this. But that’s okay. You know? It’s okay to admit you’re a coward, Catra.”

“I–“ she takes a deep breath–“I am _not_ a coward. I’ll kiss anyone. Anyone, okay? Hell, I’ll kiss you. It means nothing to me. I just think it’s a stupid game.”

“You’ll really kiss anyone?” Adora snorts, something inside her chest igniting and bursting forth. “Okay. Prove it by playing.”

Catra sits back down, looking angry and determined. “Fine, I will. And you know what? I’ll even go first.” She forcefully spins the bottle and it nearly moves away from its central position. Adora stares hard at the bottle, not sure what she’s hoping for.

She bites hard on her lip when the bottle lands on her. But then she can’t help it, she snickers at the result.

“Hah!”

“Ugh, really?” Catra groans, clutching onto her face.

“Time to put your money where your mouth is, Catra,” Adora throws those words down like a challenge, crossing her legs. It’s a figure of speech, obviously. They didn’t bring any money with them.

Catra breathes out, rolling her eyes. “You are _so_ annoying.”

She grabs Adora’s face as she says this, planting a big one on her lips. It takes her by surprise because she didn’t expect Catra to go for it so quickly. She thought she’d beat around the bush for a little while, at least. The kiss lasts only for a moment, but stops her heart just as long. It leaves Adora feeling incredibly warm when she pulls away.

“There,” Catra wipes off her lips. “See? Is that proof enough for you?”

Adora’s brain can barely function at the moment. When she thinks of something to say, she barely thinks any of it through. “Wow, uh... someone’s... off her game–“

“Oh, I am going to _kill_ you!”

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding!” Adora raises her hands and smiles in embarrassment. “It was, it was good.”

Catra grimaces. “No, actually, that’s way worse. I prefer you hating it.”

“I don’t–“

“Uh, Adora?” Perfuma timidly speaks up. “It’s your turn.”

“What?” Adora looks at the others and all of them look varying degrees of awkward. “Oh. I’m sorry.” She clears her throat as she reaches for the bottle, which has some liquid in it, probably to keep the thing from spinning out of control. She gives it a twist and it moves, round and round.

It lands on Catra.

“Oh my god, you have got to be kidding me.” Catra clutches her face. “Again, seriously? Can’t someone else go? We already kissed.”

“Sorry,” Scorpia shrugs. “Rules are rules, wildcat.”

“Yeah, Catra,” Glimmer concurs with a smirk. “You already kissed Adora, so... what’s wrong with doing it again?”

“It’s–“ Catra goes stunned for a moment–“it’s... boring.”

“Boring?” Adora frowns. “What’s so boring about kissing me?”

A horrible train of thought to ride on. Adora feels anxious and has to hope that Catra’s just lying to get out of it. And yet, she still wonders for a moment if she’s a bad kisser.

“Well, if it’s boring, then spice it _up_ ,” Mermista suggests with a smile, no longer looking bored. “Use tongue or whatever.”

The red on Catra and Adora’s faces go up by a few shades.

“Uh, I’m good, actually–“

“I think there’s no need...” Adora trails off in mild embarrassment. Teasing Catra and goading her into kissing her is one thing, but she gets uneasy and nervous thinking about kissing Catra in such an intimate way in front of other people. Even if those people are their friends. It’s one thing to kiss Catra in a place where other people are minding their own business, it’s another thing to kiss on command, when all eyes in the room are watching, when it feels like they’re putting on some kind of show.

Adora gives her a look and she nods in consent. She quickly pecks her on the lips before Catra spins the bottle for her second turn.

It lands on Adora again.

“No way, this has gotta be rigged somehow–“ Catra gestures angrily with her hands, before dropping them in defeat and sighing. “Whatever. This better be the last time. It’s getting too weird for it to be a coincidence.” She leans over to kiss Adora again. After that, she frowns and hugs her knees, pressing her lips together firmly. Her eyes keep shifting in strange ways.

Adora doesn’t know what to say. She spins the bottle and uncannily... it lands on Catra. This is the fourth time they’re being made to kiss each other. Catra’s suspicions are starting to hold a lot of weight now.

“Okay, that’s enough.” Catra stands up sort of shakily, pointing at the bottle. “This... is a set up. It just is, somehow,” she implores Adora. “There’s no way it’s just landing on both of us each time, right? Not _four times_ in a row–“ she picks up the bottle, uncapping it, and narrowing her eyes–“I knew it.”

She dumps all the water out of the bottle, before spinning it around again to test it out. This time, it doesn’t land on Adora. “I was right,” she scoffs, pointing at Mermista. “You did this, didn’t you?”

“Uh–“ she looks at Glimmer–“hey, help me out here maybe?”

“Catra?” Glimmer calls out cautiously. “Just, don’t freak out–“

“What exactly did you think you were doing here? What, just make me and Adora kiss? Like it’s a show?” she looks a bit hurt as she huffs. “What’s wrong with all of you? I’m not a piece in your stupid games. And I... I don’t have to keep playing.”

She runs for the door.

“Catra, wait!” But Glimmer’s cries don’t help because Catra leaves, slamming the door shut.

Adora turns to look over at the other Princesses, who all look a little uncomfortable and guilty.

“Is... was Catra right? Was this really some sort of trick or plot?”

Glimmer scratches her head. “Kind of. We didn’t... pull it off well. We’re sorry. We just wanted to help.”

“You and Catra seem miserable without each other.”

“None of us really get why you two went back to being just friends.”

Adora doesn’t know what to say, and she can’t answer some of their questions. Because these are things she’s curious about too. Questions she wants to ask but can’t. Things she feels but can’t tell Catra about. “Uh... thanks for trying I guess?”

“Perhaps the plan would’ve worked better if Mermista had spaced out Catra and Adora’s kisses with other people’s kisses,” Perfuma pipes up, only to immediately receive Mermista’s glare.

“Oh, so it’s like my fault the plan didn’t work now?”

“I never said that!” Perfuma continues in a panicked voice. “Just that we could’ve come up with a better plan. Maybe have everyone take turns spinning the bottle instead of making it based on who was last kissed.”

“Uh, actually!” Adora interrupts in a louder voice, feeling slightly panicked because she wants to go after Catra but she can’t do that with guests in her room. “None of that really matters right now. Once again, thank you all for trying, but I think you can all just... go home now. I’m gonna go talk to Catra. I’m sure she knows you all just, just had our best interests at heart. Okay?”

Glimmer looks at her with a guilty expression. “Adora, we’re so sorry. I’m so sorry. We shouldn’t have meddled at all.”

“Hey, it’s okay–“ Adora starts making her way to the door–“we’ll be fine–“

Right before Adora leaves her own room, she sees Glimmer teleport away with the other Princesses, probably to take them all home. Adora sighs as she runs to Catra’s room, where she’ll hopefully be.

She finds her there, thankfully, but in her haste she barges into the room without knocking again. It doesn’t matter though. Catra barely even flinches from her position, sitting next to her window, staring out into the dark night sky. It’s conveniently storming right now, and Adora briefly wonders if that has anything to do with Mermista.

“Hey... Catra?”

Catra doesn’t really respond apart from a mild gulp.

“Are you okay?”

She finally turns her head to look at Adora. Catra relaxes the expression on her face. “Uh, yeah. It just... doesn’t feel good to be tricked like that. I think I kind of overreacted though. I should... I should go apologize.”

Catra starts to get up but Adora stops her. “Hey, it’s okay. Do that some other time. I already sent them all home.”

“Oh,” she looks almost surprised. “So you’re not here to convince me to go back?”

Adora snorts, leaning against the wall. “No. Why would I? You were so upset. I’m sorry I kept pushing you, and teasing you. I went overboard earlier, and, and I shouldn’t have. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to. I also don’t wanna make you... uncomfortable in any way. I hope you know that.”

Catra looks down, nodding. “Thanks.”

It makes Adora feel bad. It was fun in the moment—teasing Catra about not wanting to kiss her—daring her to do it, goading her into proving something. She didn’t consider that just because Catra’s kissed her before doesn’t mean she wants to do it again. Maybe ever. So no bottle spinning game can change her mind about that, or make it okay to pressure Catra into doing something she doesn’t want to.

“I’m really sorry. The others are too. About the whole thing. And I’m sorry you had to kiss me so many times.”

Catra actually snorts at this, a smile forming on her lips. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

Adora’s throat completely closes up for a moment. Did Catra... really say what she just heard her say? She tries not to show how badly affected she is by this. “I thought it made you mad.”

“That was... more of... having to do it in front of everyone.”

“Oh.” Her heart is pounding. “Wait, so... you didn’t hate it?”

Catra’s eyes look a tiny bit anguished, like she’s debating over something, and she’s looking away. She loosens her grip on her knees, letting her legs straighten out. “I could... I could never hate kissing you.”

Adora’s world turns topsy-turvy. Her stomach does several flips, and she cannot believe her ears. It is a dark night, and the clouds are making thunder, the sky is making lightning, it strikes so harshly and beautifully. Catra glances at the stormy weather outside, like she didn’t just say the most bewitching thing, like her words didn’t just threaten to stop Adora’s heart.

Catra looks to be such a prepossessing sight this evening. And maybe she blames the dimness of the room, or the thumping heart in her chest, but Adora can no longer help herself.

She reaches forth and pulls her in for a kiss.

Crazy thing happens. Catra kisses back.

It makes Adora’s eyes spin into the back of her head, so it’s a relief her eyes are shut right now.

Catra kisses her back like she’s been dying to, and she pushes against Adora as they make out beside this window. Adora slips her tongue into Catra’s mouth, tasting her again. Again, after so long. Her tongue glides over the roof of Catra’s mouth and she drags out the prettiest, neediest whine from Catra’s lips. The sound goes directly to her core, and makes Adora ache with want immediately.

Catra kisses her with a ferocity—her hand sliding up Adora’s back. And she’s sans jacket right now, with only that thin white top on, so she feels the touch even more vividly, and it makes her moan into Catra’s mouth too.

They deepen the kiss, pulling closer to each other, and Adora drags Catra in her lap by the knee, where Catra proceeds to straddle her waist, wrapping her legs tight around Adora. She caresses them, running her fingers down her outer thigh, making Catra hum in delight.

Catra’s hands travel up her spine, and it tingles in the most delightful way, before they reach her neck. Adora feels like she’s being engulfed by Catra’s body, and she chases it like a dog catching sight of its tail. She wants more, she wants so much of this, she wants Catra to keep touching her, here and everywhere. She wants to kiss and feel and make Catra cry out from every single thing Adora has in mind to do to her. It makes her head go wild to think this, because at the rate they’re going, Catra might actually let her.

They kiss and kiss and kiss until they run out of places to go, and finally they pull apart to focus a bit more on breathing, sending air to their spinning heads. Adora catches her breath fast and heavy, watching as Catra does the same, her lips marked with Adora’s taste, shimmering just slightly in the moonlight. Adora licks her lips, thinking about how she wants to suck in that bottom lip again, how red and pretty and swollen she made it look, how warm Catra’s lips are, how soft they feel.

But she looks at Catra’s slowly widening eyes and her fingers reaching for those slightly parted lips and something about it just makes Adora laugh. Just bursts out in fits of giggles on the upholstery, leaning against the wall. It’s still raining.

“Adora?” Catra’s eyes are wide and confused.

She shakes her head. “Just–“ she snorts–“wow.”

“Wow?”

“Yeah...” Adora licks her lips slow. She does it on purpose and watches as Catra’s shoulders stiffen. The look on her face fuels Adora. “You like kissing me. You kissed me back.”

Catra rolls her eyes, moving towards her again. “You’re such an idiot,” she says as she straddles Adora once more, and it makes her breath hold tight. Catra gently strokes at her jaw. “And... you’re so pretty."

Adora can’t even let out a gasp in time; Catra’s lips sink onto hers again, and it feels like fireworks are exploding everywhere in her mind, and the sparks fly all over her body.

They kiss again, messy and weak and wanting, but it goes further than that. Catra’s hungrily reaching for Adora’s shirt, pulling it off impatiently, and it makes her want to scream with joy, because _yes_ , yes she’s wanted this, she’s wanted this for so long. To feel Catra want her like she used to, it feels incredible.

Their kiss is automatically broken up when Adora’s shirt gets pulled over her head. Catra stares at her, and she takes a big muffled breath,like she’s having a difficult time.

“Something wrong?” Adora offers a smug little smirk.

“Oh... yeah,” Catra exhales, unapologetically staring at her breasts. “I’m so screwed.”

“ _Oh_ _no_ ,” Adora says very patronizingly, before reaching for the back of Catra’s top, unclasping it, and smiling very widely as she takes it off.

“Mm...” Adora presses her lips together as she stares at Catra’s chest too. “I miss seeing you like this,” she remarks, sliding her hand down Catra’s shoulder, then arm. “I can’t believe you’re letting me touch you again.”

Catra shivers at her touch, and it makes Adora burn between her legs.

“Adora, I...”

Adora plants a kiss in Catra’s collarbone, and it makes her lose her words, her tongue catching in between her teeth. Adora kisses her way to Catra’s breasts, grabbing a nipple between her lips to gently suck. It makes Catra moan and go breathless, gasping in delight.

“How much of you am I allowed to touch, Catra?” Adora asks low and quiet, sliding her hand up her thigh. She licks a few slow circles over her left nipple with her tongue. Her hand is now very close to Catra’s crotch. “Am I allowed to touch you here?”

Catra nods her head vigorously, her eyes shut tight from the sensations, from their bodies being so close, from being touched, after going without Adora’s hands for so long. If Catra is feeling any way like Adora is, she must have missed this like crazy too. She must have been craving it.

“Good,” Adora smirks. “Am I allowed...” she slides her hand down from Catra’s neck, going between her breasts and then stopping right above the hem of Catra’s pants. “...to touch you here?”

Catra grabs the back of Adora’s waist, pushing her down for a frustrated, messy kiss. Her patience clearly thinned out from all the teasing. “Anywhere, okay?” Catra pants as she pulls apart. “Touch me anywhere you want, idiot.”

Adora immediately slips her fingers down Catra’s pants and rubs her wet clit. It makes Catra squeal the second contact is made, and her head falls back against the cushioned surface. Just touching Catra and getting very concrete evidence that she wants it bad is so very satisfying for Adora.

“Like this?”

“Mhm–“ she bites her lip–“yeah...” Adora speeds up a bit and those noises become pitchy. She snorts at the way Catra squirms in place. She then slows back down to enjoy the view for a little while more. Because while she’s got Catra on the edge like this, she gets to keep her around a little while longer. Adora doesn’t know when this will stop. She’s afraid of what will happen when it does.

So she keeps touching Catra, going fast then slow then fast again, and she watches as Catra gets more and more frustrated. She spends minutes driving her to the edge then reversing back away from it, over and over again. She knows how torturous it is. She keeps doing it anyway. Maybe it’s mean, or even devious, but... in some way this is how she gets her revenge. She shouldn’t. There’s nothing for her to be vengeful about, not really. And yet...

“Uh... Adora...”

“Yeah?” Adora leans down and kisses her somewhere on the chest.

She bites her lip, stretching her fingers then tightening her fist. “Why aren’t you letting me come?”

“Do I have to?” she responds playfully.

The look Catra gets on her face at those words makes Adora titter slightly. Her mouth falls open a bit. “Uh...” her breath hitches slightly from Adora’s touch. Her hips are starting to rock against her fingers. “No... but I kinda... I want to.”

“Oh yeah?” She sucks in her bottom lip, pinning Catra’s hips down with her free hand, so she can’t come on her own. It makes her frown. Even her frown is so pretty. “How bad?”

Catra’s eyes go wide, her pupils so beautifully dilated. Adora starts to pick up the pace a bit to tempt her, to throw her off. Catra bites her lip hard and gasps in a strangled way. “Mm, I... so bad...”

“So bad you’ll beg for it?”

She sort of snorts at this between her rushed breaths. “You want me saying please and thank you?”

“Just please will do,” Adora says, curling her finger into Catra slightly as she draws those motions, and it makes Catra bite her lip hard as she yelps from the slight uptick in pleasure. “Come on, Catra. Show me. You want this, don’t you?”

“Adora, please,” she starts out in a small, meek voice. “You... you feel so good,” she gulps. “Please make me, make me come. I–“ she gasps–“I wanna–“

Adora finds the spot that drives her sharply over the edge, combining speed and pressure to make it just right, and Catra’s words cut off with her own scream as she comes hard, her hips bucking into Adora’s hand, still rubbing good and fast at her folds, drawing out every moan she can.

“Adora... Adora?”

She doesn’t stop. She keeps going, relentlessly drawing quick circles where it feels good, and Catra is a mess of groans and whimpers, her lips shivering from how overwhelmed she feels. Adora doesn’t edge her this time, and with this concentrated effort she makes Catra come again. It’s less intense but also much faster this second time, and once she’s done she stops, taking her hand out from Catra’s pants.

She rotates her hand and stretches some fingers, cracking them as she does and it’s fun watching Catra stare at her.

They are quiet for a minute.

“I really did miss that,” Adora tells her. “I miss... having sex. With you.” She stares into Catra’s eyes. Oh, she could do this all night. “Making you feel good, making you...” she trails off, her chest tightening, as does her throat. Something tells her this is over. The emotional and tension-filled high probably gone. They’ve run out of steam and now Adora will be left cold. It was still worth it though. To share such hot kisses with Catra, to touch her all over again, to see and taste her skin once more. The taste of Catra all over her fingers, its familiar smell so addictive and tangy. Adora appreciates it all.

She gets up, picking up her shirt, staring at it solemnly. “I guess... I should. I should probably go now.”

She walks a few steps, about to put the shirt back on, but Catra stops her, grabbing her by the wrist and dragging her away, over to her bed. She practically shoves her on it, looking all sorts of determined. “You’re not going anywhere, okay?”

Adora gulps as she pushes herself up on the bed. Her heart is beating so fast it’s almost dangerous. “I’m not?”

Catra crawls into bed, between Adora’s spread legs and reaches in for a kiss. “It’s your turn,” she presses a slow hot kiss on her neck. “Dummy.”

Adora wants to sing with joy and scream at the same time, to release how horrible it had been to think this was over. But it’s okay now, because Catra feels so good pressed against her like this, and she’s tugging Adora’s pants off, and every little desperate thing she does turns Adora on to no end. She whispers little commands and then promises into her ear, she works wonders with her hands, mouth, and tongue. Adora sees stars over and over again that night, and none of them come from looking out the window.

They go back and forth like this, getting each other naked, making each other feel so insanely good, and it’s like riding a high she’s desperately needed for so long. Adora kisses Catra so many times she loses count, she hears Catra’s moans play over and over like a song stuck in her head, and they have so, so much sex.

It exhausts them, but they push themselves anyway, and at some point they pass out in each other’s arms. A night of passion threatening to boil over and it becomes something that scalds them the next morning.

But it is okay. The next morning is not here yet. As night comes to pass Adora gets to hold Catra in her arms again, kissing her on the forehead without any feelings of guilt or worry. Yes. For tonight, she does everything she wants and Catra lets her. Catra wants it.

The next morning is a problem for future Catra and Adora.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some dude: catgirls are overrated :/ 
> 
> adora, brandishing her sword, deciding she’s morally okay with stabbing people now: 
> 
> -
> 
> y’all in ch1: FUCK LOBSTER GUY 
> 
> y’all now: fuck the catgirlphobe but also... hm... perhaps….
> 
> anyway hi guys :3 hdfjsdjsdk omg i’m so tired i barely know what to say. um. thank you guys so much again for all the love. u r all so sexy if u stan breakup fic. i think a common theme i have seen in the past few chapters' comments has been "omg! chapter x is even better than chapter (x-1)??? crazy" and u guys don't know how GOOD that makes me feel. i hope this chapter lives up to that trend. yes they fucked are u happy now <3 i did what i very predictably was going to do <3 hope u guys will still comment :( idk if smut chapters will mean more or less comments. i guess i will find out :(
> 
> i was gonna say (insert long rambly comment about the spin the bottle game and how the princesses crossed some lines but they just wanted to help so don't hate them but also YEAH y'all prob hate me more for not going into explicit detail about all the sex catra and adora had! oh well it's not really relevant or interesting to describe they went at it like crazy for hours im too lazy to retype everything hsdjfhsjd why did ao3 cut like half of the shit i said. im so tired) 
> 
> 'u stupid cat' is the dumbest insult but it's just that ONE dude. other people have said more real shit to catra. anyway does this count as hurt/comfort (referring to the first scene of this chapter op got cut off by ao3) is this what hurt/comfort is. i have no idea what the fuck anything is. i just be doing stuff. anyway omg throwback to ch2 when adora cried and catra comforted her <3 now we're in ch4 and the turns have turned <3 the tables <3 see u guys next chapter remember to give me kudos!!! and send me asks on tumblr!!!! and comment!!!!!!! i be wanting a FAT comment count lets go babies i also want a huge amount of kudos but i recognize that this fic is actually doing really well so i thank you all SO MUCH for the support <3 keep supporting me <3
> 
> also yes this fic is back at 10 chapters again. haha. ha :-)


	5. i'm getting tired, and i need somewhere to begin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! a follow up to what i said last week. if you want to read censored versions of some breakup fic chapters, go to my pinned post on tumblr @scrawnycatra :) there's a link to a google doc w more links to the censored chapters hdfjsfhdjsd 
> 
> if ur comfy w reading smut or ur willing to read through it to just know everything that happens first hand, just continue reading :)

Adora wakes up to this incredible lack of frustration. She feels satisfied in ways she hasn’t felt for the longest time. So many needs and urges that she rejected or refused to entertain... she met them and then quite frankly went overboard in catering to her desires. All with the help of Catra, who feels so warm and good in her arms right now. Yes. This is the way things should be. She should get to wake up with Catra every morning. In the same bed, after sleeping the entire night together.

Catra’s fast asleep still. Adora leans forward and plants a kiss on her shoulder. She runs her fingers down the side of her back, finding it incredibly soothing. She misses the touch of her skin. She wishes she had appreciated it even more, back when they were dating, just how _heavenly_ Catra looks in the morning, dozing off still, her arm thrown over Adora’s body, somewhat protectively.

Catra starts to stir.

“Good morning,” Adora greets softly, not fully awake herself, but she rests there, propping her tired head up with an elbow, watching as Catra gains consciousness, rubbing the sleep away from her eyes. “How’d you sleep?”

She freezes suddenly. Adora doesn’t exactly expect that.

Catra slowly raises her head to look at her, the movement robotic in nature. Her eyes go wide, and she flails, backing away, nearly falling off the bed.

“Wha-what? What are you doing here?!”

Adora snorts at her, but then she genuinely gets worried. “Catra? You okay? Do you... not remember what happened last night?”

Catra clutches her hair, grabbing hard. “Oh no. Oh, no, no, no, no. That was real? That happened. Crap. All of that... happened.”

“Why...” Adora feels her throat go dry. “Why is that news to you? Did you not–“ she gulps painfully and her head runs wild–“did you not mean it? Were you not in the right state of mind? Did you think... it was a dream or something? Or were you drinking again?”

The barrage of questions catch Catra off guard for a moment. “I... I don’t know...” her expression tightens into a scowl. “Ugh, I’m so stupid!” She repeatedly raps her fist hard against the side of her head.

“You’re not stupid!” Adora insists, grabbing Catra’s hands to stop her from hurting herself, her heart pounding with worry. “Don’t say that.”

“Look–“ Catra starts off with hardened eyes–“I don’t know what came over me last night, okay? I can’t believe I actually... did everything I did,” she looks embarrassed, grimacing. “And said everything I said. I wasn’t thinking straight. So forget that it happened... please. It was a mistake.”

“Forget?” Adora scoffs, letting go of her hands. “I’m not forgetting that it happened, Catra. Last night was something I’ve wanted for the longest time,” she swallows hard. “Just because you regret it, or didn’t intend for it to happen... doesn’t make it go away. Whether we do this again is one thing. You don’t owe me an encore. But my memories? Those are mine, okay? So I’ll remember them all I like, because last night wasn’t a mistake to me. What we did wasn’t _wrong_ , Catra, it was–“

“I’m sorry,” Catra apologizes, nodding slowly. “Yeah, you’re right. It’s not my place to make you forget anything. But this _can’t_ happen again. It shouldn’t have happened in the first place, but...” she sighs, hugging her arms close. “That’s on me. So don’t freak out, because it’s not your fault, okay? I know you were just...” she trails off and stops. “It was my fault.”

“Hey, it’s not your fault either,” Adora firmly emphasizes, her voice soft. “If this whole thing was a mistake, and it’s somehow your fault, then, it must be my fault too, okay? Like the saying goes, it takes two hands to–“ she gets stuck, throwing her rhythm off–“to...” Catra’s staring at her in confusion, so she keeps thinking, scratching her head. “To... have sex?” Her eyes widen at what she comes up with. “Is that the phrase? Takes two hands to have— _wait that can’t be right_ —is two hands too many hands or not enough hands? Uh, Catra, how many hands does it take to have–“

“CLAP!” Catra interrupts, looking completely scarred, face completely red, her hands actually shaking slightly. “Oh my god, Adora, it takes two hands to clap!”

“ _Oh_...” Adora nods up and down. “Yeah, right, right, that makes more sense.”

“Of _course_ it makes more sense,” she sighs in agitation, rubbing her hands together. “Why in the _world_ would the phrase be ‘it takes two hands to have sex’?”

Adora can’t help bursting out into laughter. When she puts it like that, it sounds even more ridiculous. “I don’t know! Because, because I thought the phrase was made to match my situation?”

Catra’s laughing too now, and it’s unclear whether she’s laughing at the things Adora said or laughing because Adora’s laughter spread to her like an addictive plague.

“Why are you like this?” Catra chokes on her words, snickering like she can’t help it. “How are you so smart and so stupid at the same time?”

Something in Adora’s heart bursts sweet and bubbly. It feels good to laugh with Catra like this, and her secretly kind insult gives her head this strange rush.

The laughs slowly die out. Adora thinks back to where their conversation was at before. Thinking about it feels rather upsetting, but she still has to address it.

“So... we’re not doing this again, huh?”

Catra bites her lip. “Uh, yeah, no. I... I don’t know if I should apologize for that.” She awkwardly reaches for her slacks, putting those on before moving over to the window where her shirt is.

“Don’t,” Adora says curtly, reaching over to find her clothes too because it’s starting to get cold. Cold in her heart, actually, and it spreads to her body from there. “I get it. It’s fine,” she decides not to think about how much she hates this. At least last night was fun. She’ll take what she can get. She’ll ride out the sheer emotional highs of last night to get through the expected lows of the coming days.

“No, I should be sorry. I know it’s not fair to you,” Catra says. “I’ll uh. Make it up to you. Somehow.”

“Hm,” Adora considers this, finding her hair tie and putting her hair into its usual ponytail. “Well if you’re not gonna sleep with me again... have breakfast with me at least?”

Catra snorts at this request because it is pretty redundant and stupid. “I already have breakfast with you every day, dummy.” Adora knows this of course, but it’s nice to be reminded and assured. That even if Catra gives her nothing else they’ll still have this. “We literally have breakfast every day with Bow and Glim–"

Their eyes both widen at the same time.

“Oh, crap.”

“Bow and Glimmer! Breakfast!” Adora looks around to see if there’s something that can tell the time. “Are we late?”

Catra runs from where she was standing, fully dressed now. “We can’t let Glimmer get worried and start teleporting all over the place to find us,” she gulps, grabbing Adora’s hand and high tailing it out of her room. “We can’t let her catch us in the same room after what happened last night and jump to conclusions—now run!”

* * *

She can’t sleep.

Doesn’t matter whether she turns left or right, Adora can’t get rid of this frustration in her chest. And when she says chest, she really means... pants.

Oh, this is so embarrassing. It’s been less than a day. It’s been a _day_. She had mind-blowing, non-stop, marathon sex with Catra a literal night ago. She should be tired. And she is, don’t get her wrong. The need to sleep is making her ache at the bones, but her unstoppable desire to feel Catra’s body again, between these sheets, it overrides everything else.

She should be all tapped out right now. She should be thinking about sex with distaste—if anything—she thought she’d only start getting thoughts like this again after a few days.

But it seems her night with Catra must have unleashed something. It must have flipped the switch on something she’d been working so hard to repress. All that want, the hankerings, the thirst for intimacy, the need to get absolutely railed... it’s all back now.

Sighing, Adora slides her hand between her legs, before changing her mind and pulling it away with a huff of frustration. This is all because of Catra. Something about going back to getting herself off just feels pathetic! There is a better way to do this and she’s in the next room.

Adora gets off her bed, feeling conflicted. Catra already made herself clear. They’re not supposed to do this again. It was a one off incident that Catra claims to regret. But why? They had so much fun, and it felt so good, and Adora knows Catra liked it too. She can’t shake this feeling that Catra’s not being exactly truthful when she says she doesn’t want this. Adora felt nothing but wanted when she slept with her last night. She yearns to feel that again.

She makes up her mind, leaving her room and walking to Catra’s. Maybe she just needs to see Catra for a while. Talk to her for a bit, and maybe she needs to be pushed away. Maybe Catra will tell her no again, reject her again, and perhaps that will be enough for Adora to let it go. To sleep once more.

Or maybe... Adora will get what she wants.

It’s funny, actually. Adora bulldozes into Catra’s room, dispelling with formalities such as knocking the door, which, she does sometimes, but she forgets this time. She clean forgets it this time because it’s late and she’s too tired to remember and she’s got a one track mind that leads directly to Catra’s bed.

Adora should feel very sorry for this intrusion, because of what she walks in on. But weirdly, she doesn’t. She should be ashamed of that, but she can’t bring herself to care. What she stumbles on is so worth it.

She hears Catra gasp and huff and moan, chin tilted up and hands beneath the covers. The sound and sight itself is enough to arouse her. But it fills her with shock and a mischievous delight instead.

“Ador—AH!” Catra jolts up at the intrusion, at the sound of the door opening, and she scrambles to hide her activities. “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?”

She starts to guffaw at Catra’s anger, unable to help herself. She laughs in a manner that’s almost uncontrollable, fingers grasping at the wall, her body bent over. Catra looks like she’s about to implode, either from anger, or embarrassment, or both. She has her face covered with both hands. “Were you...”

“SHUT. UP.”

“Wow, you really were,” Adora tones down the laughing now, to only a tiny giggle or titter here and there. “Nice.”

“I swear to god, if you say another word, I will end you.”

Adora is unfazed. She gets even more insufferable, actually. “Don’t worry...” she starts to walk closer to Catra’s bed. “I won’t tell anyone. Your secret’s safe with me.”

She winks at Catra, and Catra cringes, making a genuinely disgusted face. “Honestly? I would rather have literally _anyone_ else know but you.”

“Aw, come on, you don’t mean that,” Adora says in a cloying voice, as she settles on the edge of Catra’s bed.

“I do, actually,” Catra scoffs. “Please get out of my room.”

“Why?” she snorts. “So you can continue?”

Catra goes very red, so much so that it’s somehow visible in the dim room. “I was not. Doing anything. I just want to go back to sleep. You know, the thing we need to do every day? The thing you should be doing right now too? Go back to your room, Adora.”

“What if I can’t sleep?” Adora implores. “What if I wanted to sleep here instead?”

This catches Catra’s tongue for a moment. “Adora...”

“Besides... if you want to... y’know–“ she waggles her eyebrow suggestively–“like...”

Catra scrunches up in disgust again. “It’s actually worse when you put it like that. Can you just say normal words like ‘get off’ or–“

“Fine,” Adora smirks with a light scoff. “If you wanna ‘get off’ so bad, I could do that _for you._ Happy?”

Catra’s eyes go wide, taken aback by her words.

Adora only snorts. “Why touch yourself when I’m more than happy to help you out? I’m _so_ much better at touching you than you are, anyway.”

“No...” she scoffs, but there’s no real energy in that protest. She looks all jittery. “You’re—you’re not, okay?”

“Oh yeah?” Adora bites her lip, licking it. “Want me to prove it?”

Catra blinks her eyes at her, her own lip shaking. “I, I...”

“Come here.” Hilariously, she complies and crawls into Adora’s lap, and they stay like that for a moment. She’s got Catra positioned with her head facing front, not looking at Adora, but that just adds a level of excitement, a level of mystique. Catra’s fingers absentmindedly stroke at Adora’s own. She chuckles softly and squeezes her hand in reassurance. “I’ll make it so good,” she whispers into her neck.

“Adora...”

Adora slides her hand up Catra’s loose crop top and slowly fondles her breast. It makes her moan at the contact, and she leans back into Adora’s chest, gasping a breath.

“You were saying?” Adora chuckles, slipping her other hand into Catra’s briefs. She rubs between her thighs, those folds that she knows Catra was playing with earlier. She bites her lip. She knows Catra was going to say her name. She thinks Catra was thinking about her. Catra was getting herself off, and getting wet at the thought of her. That thought alone makes Adora weak at the knees. It’s a good thing she’s sitting right now then, in bed with Catra in her lap, touching her to her heart’s content. “This is how you like it, right?”

Catra hesitates first. Then she sighs in resignation. “Yeah...” she gulps. “Maybe.”

“Oh, is this not good enough for you, Catra?” She changes things up, slipping her fingers inside her and pumping them instead, hitting that familiar spot over and over again, where she knows she’ll get Catra falling and crumbling into a mess of a woman. It works, because Catra starts to whine in a sharp pitch, arching her back and then pushing back against Adora’s body, writhing a little in her lap, unable to control the onslaught of pleasure. “How’s this?”

“Adora... please–“ her voice catches in her throat–“yeah, yeah, like–“

“Like this?”

Adora angles her fingers just slightly and it makes Catra cry out, whimpering, and Adora speeds up both her hands, those fingers circling at her nipple going fast as the fingers down her pants threaten to wrinkle from the wetness. Catra gasps in a shaky low voice but yelps at a pretty high one.

As she drives Catra closer to her orgasm, she starts to get really loud. It gets to a point where Adora has to take her hand from under her shirt and clamp it over her mouth as she comes. She smothers her shrieks with a little smile, finding Catra’s responses to her touch very exhilarating, but also she doesn’t want Catra to wake up the whole of Bright Moon, or lead anyone to think a murder’s being conducted somehow.

Adora soothes Catra’s sexual high with a kiss to the neck, hushing her softly, drawing small circles around her clit to ride out her orgasm. She even gets brave enough to kiss her on the cheek. She moves that kiss to the corner of Catra’s parted lips.

“Feeling better now?” Adora giggles a little, because it’s funny to compare arousal to actual pain, but it’s true how the relief of sexual gratification can feel like a form of healing. She’s not going to say it, but Adora is in bad, terrible need for some healing of her own right now. She’s so turned on it hurts. She wants to kiss Catra so badly it hurts. Just having Catra’s body pressed against her like this... she is in so much pain.

Words cannot describe how much she wants to take Catra’s own hand and shove it down her shorts, demanding that she touch her too, because good god she wants it. She wants to be touched again, and it feels like a disease. It should be a disease to want this so badly. It should be sick of her to want Catra to touch her so bad she’ll do just about anything for it, give up everything for it.

Catra gathers herself and extricates herself from Adora’s lap. She curls up into her own body and looks all sorts of guilty and burdened. She gives Adora a look for a moment before looking away again.

And then she says “look,” with a sigh. “This, this has to stop. This is the last time, okay? We have to stop. I know I...”

“I don’t think we should stop,” Adora retorts, her throat hard and pained. She swallows, holding her ground. “I think we should keep doing this, actually. You clearly want to. I want to... so much. We should keep doing it.”

Catra looks at her in a piteous way and Adora detests it for a moment, because she doesn’t want to be pitied at all. It feels pathetic. But then she stops detesting it, because she could never hate any face of Catra’s. She’s too far gone by now. Hating Catra... she could never do it. She could never mean it.

“Adora... we aren’t together anymore.”

“I know that. I don’t care.”

“Adora–“ Catra says more sternly this time–“look. I get it. You’re like... horny. You want sex. I know, okay? But it shouldn’t be with me. You should find someone new. And... do, do it with them.”

Adora scoffs. “You don’t really want that.”

Catra looks panicked for a moment, but then she hardens her expression. “I do, okay? You shouldn’t be with me. We shouldn’t date again, or anymore. So if you want to have sex, have it–“ her teeth are clenched–“ _with someone else.”_

“With someone else?” The words taste terrible on Adora’s tongue. She crosses her arms. “You can’t just say that, Catra. You can’t just pretend that I didn’t nearly make you scream the walls down, or pretend that, that the thought of me with someone else doesn’t drive you nuts. What if I really _did_ sleep with someone else?” she smirks when she sees Catra’s fingers curl up tight and taut. It feels so good to be proven right. “Touched someone...” she slides her hand up her thigh. “The way I touch you?”

Adora is spellbound by the way Catra shivers. “Can you really say it won’t make you jealous?”

When she recovers, Catra scoffs, giving a dry, fake laugh as she pushes Adora’s hand away. “Please. You don’t have to worry about me.”

“No, no, I’m not worried. But say it, Catra.” She demands in a taunting voice. “Look me in the eye and say it won’t make you hurt. That it won’t make you angry. It does, doesn’t it?”

She groans, crossing both her arms and legs. “Ugh, why does that matter? I already said–“

“I know, okay?” Adora huffs. “I know you don’t wanna date me. I don’t care about that,” she gulps. She wishes she were telling the truth, but perhaps lying like this, pretending she wants less from Catra than she actually does, is her only way to salvation. “I... I’ve made my peace with it. This isn’t about dating, this is about sex. Do you want me, yes or no?”

Catra bites hard on her lip, a groan strangled in her throat. “Fine, yes, okay! Are you happy? Yes, I want you, and your stupid hot body, and I want to have sex with you. _Obviously.”_ Her fingers run over her scalp helplessly, in frustration. “I can’t think straight when you touch me, okay? It’s like your hands are magic, and your lips drive me crazy, and–“ she cuts herself off with a weak exhale–“the more we do this the more I want it. I close my eyes and all I see is your face. And your body, and...” she goes red, clears her throat. Shakes her head a few times as if to bring her back to her senses. “But, it’s... it’s not right, Adora. You should be having sex with someone you love. With someone you’re in a relationship with. And that’s not me. That should be... should be someone else.”

Adora sighs, deciding to go in a different direction. Something more vulnerable and honest. She hasn’t exactly been lying that much, but maybe she needs to explore a different side of the truth. “Look. You... were my first, okay? My first... everything.”

“Wait,” Catra’s eyebrows rise. “Everything? Like _everything_ everything? Like... even kissing? I was your first kiss?”

“Yeah,” Adora snorts. “You didn’t know that?”

“No I didn’t know that—thought you would’ve made out with someone, like, one of the dumb Princesses, I dunno, someone from the Rebellion. Did no one try? There’s no way no one _tried_. You’re She-Ra.”

“Exactly. I was She-Ra. I am She-Ra. The legendary warrior who’s meant to save everyone. People saw me as that. And nothing else.”

“Either people are cowards and are lying to you or everyone is stupid and doesn’t have taste or... you’re really dense and could never tell you were being hit on even if it was spelled out for you,” Catra’s face fades from frustration to realization, and then she snickers. “It’s probably that last one. I know all about it from personal experience.”

Adora chuckles, and something in her heart goes giddy. “Maybe. Whatever the reason was... I never really thought about it. About kissing, or love, or sex. Until you. Until you saved my life with it.” Catra looks a little awkward at the mention of that moment, and it sort of breaks Adora’s heart. Perhaps she should stop assigning so much meaning to it. Perhaps she should refrain from mentioning it. She can’t run the risk of making Catra more uncomfortable than she already is.

“Which is why... it’s scary,” she continues, trying to stay on task. “Scary to think about being with someone else. Someone new. I know you said people would line up for me, or something, but it doesn’t matter. Everyone could want me but it doesn’t mean I’ll take just anyone, you know? It’s going to take a while for me to find someone... I like that way. Maybe that makes me weird–“

“No. Uh... no, that doesn’t make you weird at all. I... I think I get that.” Catra crosses her arms, looking down at the mattress.

“So you understand,” Adora moves closer to her again, taking her hand. “I need it, Catra,” she says, voice heavy with emotion. “I need you so bad it hurts, it actually _hurts_ –“ her voice chokes up and Catra looks concerned–“it only feels better when you touch me...”

“Hey, hey,” Catra hushes and calms the tears threatening to spill from her eyes. She wipes the stray one that falls. “You’re okay. I didn’t know it was this bad–“

“I’m sorry,” Adora rubs a tear away, clearing her throat. “I, I’m overreacting, I didn’t mean to, and, I don’t want to make this happen by–“

“It’s okay.” Catra looks away, sighing. “I’ll do it. Not because you cried or whatever. I... want to.” She tilts her head up and gives Adora a slow kiss, dredged with desire. “I want you too, remember?”

Adora can’t help but give a big smile. “Heh. Yay.”

Catra rolls her eyes affectionately. “Ugh, you’re such a dork. I take it back.”

“No, please?” Adora half-pouts at her, holding both her wrists. “I know I’m embarrassing, but I’m really good at sex.”

“You’ve had sex with _one_ person,” Catra snickers, looking so beautiful it starts to hurt again. “You can’t be both a sex god and a prude at the same time.”

“Yes I can,” Adora strokes Catra’s face, and her lips. “As long as that one person agrees that I am like, the best, at sex.”

“Yeah, too bad she disagrees,” Catra retorts in a playful voice, kissing the disappointment off Adora’s lips. “I’ll show you who’s the best,” she whispers in a low voice, sliding her hand up her thigh. “Give you what you came here for.”

Adora moans at Catra’s touch, her hands running slow over her body. “Mm... so... we’re really doing this, huh?”

“Mhm,” Catra quickly agrees as she repositions them, kissing her, and laying her down on the pillows.

“And this won’t be the last time?”

Catra pauses as her hands stop around Adora’s waist. “Yes...” she inhales with difficulty. “But it’s just... until you find a new girlfriend okay? Promise me you’ll try?”

“I promise,” Adora says with a smile, lying her ass off. Maybe she isn’t fully lying. Maybe one day she’ll really... find someone new. But she has no intention of doing that right now. All she wants is to feel Catra’s touch on her body.

Catra smiles, meant to be hopeful and encouraging but it just looks sad. A weak smile. “Good,” she says, the word shaky too. And then she starts tugging Adora’s shorts off.

Adora’s legs raise up in the air as her undergarments slip off. She smiles a silly smile at Catra, who spreads her legs, and Adora feels the pain between her thighs throb and ache with want. Catra slowly slides her fingers up her thigh, and Adora shivers, whimpers.

She gulps at the sight, running a knuckle between Adora’s folds, brushing against her clit. Adora lets out a strangled moan, and Catra bites her lip.

“Wow,” she marvels. “You weren’t kidding.”

“Yeah,” Adora remarks. “I said I wanted you. I wouldn’t lie about that.”

Catra reaches down and licks up her wet slit. “Mm...” she moans. “Oh, you’re killing me.”

“W-who’s killing who?” Adora gasps as Catra licks her with more pressure this time. “Catra, please...”

She watches as Catra retracts her nails, sticking two fingers inside. She’s so wet that they almost get sucked in. Catra’s fingers feel amazing, and Adora nearly chokes as she groans, her hand gripping onto the sheets. Catra moves those fingers out, then back in, thrusting them slowly. Adora feels her pleasure drum up and pick up momentum. Catra moves at a very consistent pace, and something about that is frustrating but also intoxicating. It hurts so good.

Catra adds a third finger, just for fun, continuing to pull in and out, still so painfully slow, as Adora suffers under her.

“Catra...”

“Yeah?” She smirks, pulling her fingers out, and taking her time to lick each one. Adora is equal parts frustrated and aroused at the sight. Catra is unfairly hot as a person. No one person should get to be this hot, but she is, and she’s sitting in between her legs, licking the taste of Adora off her fingers like it’s a delicacy. “Mm, wow,” she smacks her lips. “You taste good.”

She leans down immediately to kiss Adora and she tastes herself on Catra’s lips. She moans into the kiss and starts tugging at Catra’s shorts. Through some fumbling and tumbling, she does it, and she feels Catra, who’s either still wet from before or wet again now, she feels her arousal against her bare thigh. Adora rubs her clit against Catra’s thigh too, and it feels remarkable, making her moan against Catra’s lips.

They stop kissing when Catra slips her tank top off, and Adora makes sure Catra gets just as naked. She nearly loses her breath at the sight. She’s going to get this again, whenever she wants, for the time being. Last night was wild and impulsive and so fast, it was all so uncertain, deep down. Right now... she has Catra and she’s not going to slip away. Not yet.

She cups one of her breasts and grins as Catra’s nipple hardens between her fingers.

“Hey, this is about you right now,” Catra tells her off, slipping a finger between her legs and rubbing her clit. Adora moans breathily and smiles, biting her lip. She moves her hand to the apex of Catra’s thighs too.

“Wanna see who can get there first?” she cheekily suggests as she starts circling Catra’s clit.

Catra’s breath runs ragged. “That’s not fair, I, I already came once.”

“Then come again,” she watches as Catra shivers, shuddering because of her touch. It makes her feel powerful. “I’ll help you.”

“You’re so annoying,” Catra’s fingers shake slightly as she touches Adora. It makes Adora bite her lip. She stops for a moment to let Catra regain some sense. “How do we even decide who wins? Do I win if you come first because I’m touching you? Or do you win because you’re the one who came?”

“No idea,” Adora snorts, already moving onto another idea. “What if you used your mouth?”

Catra’s eyes widen. “Oh... you want it like that?”

“Yeah,” Adora nods with a gleeful smile. “Is that okay? I want it in every way, actually.”

Catra titters and complies, moving down between Adora’s legs. Right before she makes contact, Adora grabs her body and turns her a hundred and eighty degrees, putting her face between Catra’s legs as well.

“Uh... Adora?”

“What? I wanna use my mouth too.”

Catra sighs. “If you’re doing that to me too I don’t know if I can concentrate enough to...”

“Try anyway,” Adora says teasingly, and she blows a breath of air against Catra’s clit, laughing when she yelps.

“Stop distracting me!”

“Sorry,” Adora apologizes with no real remorse. “Guess teasing you’s just too fun.”

She licks up Catra’s folds after this and holds back a laugh when Catra groans. A moment later, Catra wraps her lips around Adora’s clit and sucks hard.

The whole affair is sort of messy and all over the place, and it’s a little harder to do it like this, but like all things with Catra, it’s also kind of fun.

In the end, Adora finishes first, because she had been so close already to begin with, but she manages to get Catra to climax too, and she holds down her legs as it happens, because Catra might have kicked her otherwise. By accident of course. Because Adora is just that good, apparently.

They move back into a normal position, and Catra curls up against Adora.

“You good?” Adora asks, tousling her hair. It’s getting longer now. Catra’s hair grows pretty fast, apparently. She thinks it looks nice, but it doesn’t really matter either way. Catra could be bald and Adora would still be mesmerized. She probably wouldn’t like being bald though.

Catra snorts. “I’m more than good. How about... you? Was that uh, good?”

“I feel amazing,” Adora says with a content exhale. “You were amazing.”

“Really?” Catra unwittingly breaks into a big grin, which she then forces back into a neutral expression, bordering on a scowl. “I mean, uh, duh. Of course I was good,” she clears her throat. “I always am.”

“Yeah,” Adora gives her a slow, sloppy kiss, teasing her tongue. “You’re so good,” she kisses her jaw, then moves against her larynx. “Perfect.”

“Perfect?” Catra scoffs, pursing her lips. “I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t say that.”

“You’re perfect for me,” Adora kisses her on the cheek. “Okay?” She feels it right then, a flash of fatigue, and she yawns against her will. It makes Catra chortle, and Adora hides her face in her shoulder.

“Sure, sleepyhead. We should go to bed.”

“Okay,” Adora wraps an arm around Catra, closing her eyes. “Good night.”

“No, idiot,” Catra pulls her arm off and it makes Adora sad. “Put your clothes back on and go back to your room.”

Adora frowns, tugging at her wrist, and Catra looks away on purpose. “Can’t I just sleep here?”

Catra sighs. “This is just about sex, remember? If we fall asleep in the same bed we might as well be dating. And that’s not what this is.”

Adora feels a lump in her throat. She wills herself to keep her cool. She shouldn’t cry, it’s getting old. She’s stronger than this. “I know,” she starts off, “and I promise I won’t ask for this again. But... just this once? I’m tired, and I don’t wanna walk all the way back to my room. What if I pass out on the way back? I don’t think you know how exhausting it is to have sex with you.”

“What?” she snorts at the absurdity.

“People are gonna see me unconscious, Catra,” Adora continues without missing a beat. She knows she’s going off on a ridiculous tangent, but it’s putting an unwitting grin on Catra’s face. Maybe the absurdity of everything will make her laugh enough to let Adora stay. “My body will be on the floor, and people are gonna wonder, _‘hey, what happened here? did adora seduce catra and have sex with her, only to get kicked out afterwards? wow, that’s so rude.’_ And so everyone will find out that you can’t resist my charms. They’ll know how sexy you think I am and how you like me way too much. Which is gonna be really embarrassing for you.”

“Is it possible to undo having sex with someone?”

“Aw...” Adora laughs nervously, “you don’t mean that.”

Catra looks like she’s on the verge of death as she holds her hand over her temple. “Wow, I actually do, I’m not kidding,” she snorts, shaking her head. “Why did I sleep with you? You’re such an idiot.”

“Because you like me, remember?” Adora catches herself in time, because she now knows how much weight that word carries. “Because you like my body?”

She presses herself against Catra as a sort of reminder, watching as Catra sucks in a breath, staring at her chest.

“Yeah...” then she smirks. “But is it worth it? Is it worth having to sit through all the dumb things you do and say?”

“Yes,” Adora giggles, dredging her leg over Catra’s knee, teasing her skin. “It is worth it. Do I not have a good body?”

Catra swallows, licking her lip absentmindedly. “You’re right, it is a good body...” she runs her fingers over those bare curves. “What a waste.”

“Hey!”

She snickers loudly. “Too far?”

“You hurt my feelings,” Adora says exaggeratedly, and she feels a little stupid being like this, talking this way. She’s not like this anywhere else, she’s not like this with anyone else. But with Catra... unclothed and lying next to her on a king-sized bed, so late into the night? She can be as cloying and clingy and shameless as she likes.

“Well, I guess I’m sorry,” Catra shrugs in apology, a tired smile on her face.

“I’ll forgive you... for a kiss.”

Catra, to Adora’s delight, obliges immediately. She kisses her soft, slow, and somehow, apologetic. She doesn’t know how the word ‘sorry’ can translate into a kiss but Catra does it and it works.

“Woah,” Adora marvels when they pull apart. “I think I could forgive you twice for that.”

Catra snorts, rolling over, and she yawns. It makes Adora yawn again too.

“So... can I stay?”

Catra rolls back over, looking contemplative. “I guess. Yeah, you can stay. But it’s only for tonight, understand? You can’t stay over every time we do this.”

“I know,” Adora says, ignoring the dull feeling in her heart. “Just for tonight. I’ll be good next time.”

“And put your clothes back on,” Catra instructs, tossing Adora her tank top. She then reaches all over her bed for the rest of their clothes, distributing as needed. “I don’t want you getting cold, or, more importantly, I don’t want anyone barging in here and jumping to conclusions.”

“What, who would barge in here?” Adora says with a sardonic smile. “That’s so rude, they should at least knock first.”

“Shut up,” Catra scolds as she inevitably cracks up. “I swear, I’m gonna make ‘em put a lock on that thing. It’s crazy how my room doesn’t have one. This castle is so weird.”

Adora snickers along as she puts her clothes back on, slumping on the bed when she’s done. “Sure, get a lock. Just... remember to let me in.”

She makes some half-hearted comment about how the lock is meant to keep Adora out specifically, but then she relents and promises to give her access privileges to her room. Catra lies down next to her soon after that so they can go back to sleep again. She’s facing away, and Adora tentatively places a hand on her waist. She holds her breath and waits for Catra’s reaction.

She sighs. “Adora...”

Adora removes her hand immediately, not wanting to cross any more lines, or demand for anything more than she’s already taken. “I’m sorry. No cuddling?”

Catra turns to face her, looking like she’s about to say something, but then she stops. She exhales, as if resigning herself to the situation. Not because she’s giving up and letting it happen but rather... it feels like she’s letting herself have something she wants.

Catra buries her head against Adora’s chest, loosely embracing her.

“Just for tonight. Okay?”

Adora holds her back, and they settle into something comfortable. Something familiar. Something missed.

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it takes 😩 two ✌🏻 hands 🤲🏻 to have🤯 sex 🤪
> 
> DFHJSKDJHFKDSJD i am so sorry for that oh my god..... forget everything else tho that's the main takeaway from this chapter ❤️
> 
> catra: ok so we messed up and we had sex.... but that doesn't mean anything. we shouldn't have sex ever again 
> 
> adora: okie :) 
> 
> adora, like less than 24 hours later, kicking down catra's door like candace flynn: what if.... and hear me out bro hear me out..... we had sex AGAIN 
> 
> u guys: wow can't believe catra and adora 69'd thats funny 
> 
> me, pulling out my notes like charlie from iasip: ok but u SEE the reason why adora kept touching catra and was unable to give up control or just let go and let catra take care of her was because she now thinks sex is the only reason why catra would want her around and if they have sex and she's not constantly getting catra off she is losing her worth to catra somehow and she is really worried about that
> 
> u guys, covering ur ears: can u just let them lazy girl sixty nine in peace 
> 
> oh! heres something fun. isn't it so cute that bow glimmer catra and adora all have breakfast together!! like they're best friends..... they have MEAL. they just like to have fun together because they all enjoy each other's company and they make it a POINT to eat breakfast together and sometimes lunch and dinner too.... they are best friends.... imagine living in a castle w ur best friends. honestly i wouldn't even need the castle. imagine living w ur best friends and u eat meals w them. u guys order takeout. or sometimes u cook for each other. anyway if ur wondering what happened at breakfast glimmer properly apologized to catra and bow was like 'hey how come the two of u arrived at the same time and looked so out of breath' and catra and adora realized they should've probably walked in separately but turns out not getting enough sleep makes ur brain not as sharp oh no :/ they probably made up a dumb excuse like UHHH WE SAW EACH OTHER ON THE WAY AND RACED TO SEE WHO COULD REACH FIRST and bow and glimmer decided not to mention how they were literally holding hands when they ran in 
> 
> "michelle why didn't u write that into a scene instead of telling us this in the fucking author's note" well i thought it wasn't good enough to necessitate a whole scene ok :( sometimes good writing is about not writing ❤️ FGHGJHJGHJHKJ jk anyway if ur :( because where's the best friend squad content :( where are the other characters :( u will see them all again soon do not worry. like i include other characters when fun and or necessary. this entire chapter just happened to be 100% catra and adora. idk if u all love that or don't love that. i do really hope u all love this chapter tho!! 
> 
> ooh fun reminder. u can subscribe to this story!! to get like an email when i update. if u want. idk i just think its cool how over 200 of u are subscribed. it's been a wild 3 weeks thank u all for getting me to 600 kudos within that time :) here's to many more please do keep giving me kudos and commenting! i hope u found this chapter funny. or painful (in a good way) or cathartic (also in a good way) hfdjsdsfd see u guys soon ask me any questions feel free to send me any reacts, comments, asks, memes, art, etc. i love it and i love all of u :) if u thought this was hot please let me know FGHGJHGJHK i mean some of u thought ch4 was hot and i personally think ch5 is hotter than ch4. i wanna see what y'all think. ofc i shouldn't be pitting two of my babies against each other but Who Cares i wanna know!!!!! thoughts are good!!!!! i truly love ur jokes, reactions, analysis, queries, i LOVE when y'all quote lines u like. also someone mentioned 'i feel annoying when i comment on every chapter' please PLEASE know that i think y'all are sexy for commenting every chapter. please comment every chapter :(


	6. felt the earth beneath my feet

“Hey...” down. “Catra...” up, “how do I look?” Adora asks as she lengthens her arms again, groaning from the exertion. She’s doing pull ups. On a pull up bar. A new pull up bar that she installed in her room. So she can do pull ups. Yeah, it’s really cool. Also, she’s got some new clothes on. Gold and white hooded crop top, with some red shorts lined with white. Her new clothes are really comfortable and breathe well. She wears this to exercise now.

Catra’s mouth is agape as she watches Adora do a few more pull ups. When Adora’s counted to a hundred, she hops off the bar with a proud smirk.

“So...” she walks up towards Catra. “Any thoughts?”

Catra blows a pained breath as her lips make a smacking sound. “Uh... nice. You’re gonna get like, so many girls looking like this,” her larynx shifts as she runs her hand through her hair. “It’s a nice, uh, nice new look.”

Adora giggles, fingers massaging the back of her neck. “Thanks, but,” she shrugs. “This is just what I wear when I’m working out. It breathes better than my usual clothes. I’m not gonna wear this outside of when I’m exercising.” Her eyes light up. “Oh, I’ve been doing so many planks. My stomach muscles have gotten so hard. Wanna feel them?”

Catra’s eyes go wide, like comically wide. “UH–“

Adora grins, grabbing her hand and putting it on her abdominal muscles. “See, don’t they feel so cool? There’s like, ridges and stuff,” she demonstrates this, sliding Catra’s hand up and down.

Catra’s tongue glides over her bottom lip in distress and realization. “Are you doing this on purpose?”

Adora’s smile mixes in with mischief. “Maybe.”

“I knew it, ugh,” she feigns disgust, shoving Adora away, and it makes her laugh.

“Aw, you know you like it,” she hugs Catra now, making her feel her body against her, curves and muscles and all. “See?”

She inhales deeply, like she’s given up. “You’re gonna be the death of me.”

“Good,” she says in a mischievous voice, trilling in her ear. “Die.”

“That sounds like a plan.”

“Wait, no!” Adora pulls away, distressed at those words, and Catra snorts. She shouldn’t have been so playful. She only wanted to sound seductive but maybe that was the wrong word to use, and now Catra’s proclamation worries her. “No, don’t die, please?”

“Gonna need a better reason than that,” Catra says, shaking her head with a feigned sigh. “You cursed me, Adora,” she deadpans, yet it’s somehow still dramatic. “Death is coming for me as we speak.”

“Uh... you shouldn’t die, because–“ she tries to think of something good–“you’re so sexy?”

Catra bursts into her trademark beautiful laugh. “I’m not allowed to die... because I’m too sexy?”

Adora snorts at that, breaking into a laugh too. She nods her head up and down. “Yeah! You’re too sexy to die!” They stop laughing at about the same time. “I mean, look at you.”

She slides her hands down the curves of her body, right down to Catra’s hips, and it makes her shiver. Adora sucks in a deep breath, thick with desire.

Catra leans in and kisses her, backing up against Adora’s wardrobe. She snorts as her back hits the door, and she has to hold on carefully as Catra gets needy and relentless with her kissing. Adora responds in kind, tasting her lips happily again. She might never get enough of it. She could spend eternity kissing Catra if that was allowed, if she had to pick only one thing to do for the rest of time, she’d smooch the pretty girl in her arms.

Sadly, she can’t. Like right now, she has to stop kissing Catra. There’s an insistent knock on the door.

“Hello?!” The knocks get even louder. “Adora, are you in there, it’s Glimmer! Can I come in?”

Catra and Adora pull apart, and Catra wipes her mouth. Adora doesn’t wipe hers. She’s not sure what that does, but quietly refusing to wipe her lips... it gives her some sort of power? Some sort of illusion, that kissing Catra isn’t something she needs to hide. Maybe it is pathetic and maybe she’s pretending that Catra is her girlfriend again, secretly, in the back of her mind. And maybe that’s really weird or really sad. But Adora can’t bring herself to care for the moment. She’s had the most brilliant few weeks.

“Yes, Glimmer, you can come in!” Adora yells and Glimmer teleports into the room immediately.

“Oh, good, you’re both here,” Glimmer remarks, her eyes shifting suspiciously, but only for a moment. “We’ve got a meeting starting real soon! Entrapta’s gonna brief everyone about the space missions. She’s done a lot of tinkering, a lot of research, messed with a lot of data she found on Horde Prime’s old ship. When we figure out a plan with her, we should be blasting off to space soon!”

“That sounds great, Glimmer!”

“Yeah,” Glimmer’s eyes... sparkle. “I wonder what we’ll see this time around. Anyway, you two coming?”

“Uh–“

“Just a sec!” Adora declares, motioning to open her closet, sifting through her options. “I wanna change out of this first. I’ll be right over.”

“Okay,” Glimmer accepts this easily. “I’ll see you two soon!”

She teleports away immediately, leaving Catra and Adora back alone in the room again.

Catra moves closer to see Adora pick some all too familiar clothing choices.

“What happened to wearing new clothes?” she says this playfully, poking at Adora’s red jacket.

Adora just shrugs. “Wearing some new clothes doesn’t mean I get rid of all my old ones,” she whips her current top off, leaving her in her sports bra. Catra’s eyes drift. “Besides, I would always wear this to war meetings. We’re not at war anymore, but... I guess putting this on reminds me to stay focused. The meeting’s gonna be really important, so. I want this to put me in a headspace to pay full attention to everything Entrapta’s gonna say.”

“Ah, okay.” Catra slowly nods as Adora puts on her white shirt and red jacket. Her eyes have this distant, dewy gaze. “I wasn’t listening, sorry.”

“I know,” Adora winks at her, taking off her shorts and putting on her gray slacks. “Okay,” she straightens her outfit once to make sure everything is up to par. “Ready to go?”

“Yeah,” Catra looks a little off kilter as she ponders over something. “Why did I stay here with you? I had nothing to do, I should’ve just left with Glimmer.”

“You stayed because you wanted to watch me,” Adora states teasingly, holding Catra’s hand and pulling her along. “Why bother asking?”

“No I didn’t!” she vehemently denies, letting herself get pulled along. “Glimmer just left too fast, and besides, I hate teleporting.”

“Oh, yeah, sure,” she snickers, and Catra rolls her eyes. “Now come on, we’re gonna be late!”

* * *

Adora can’t help it, she bursts into a fit of laughter. Catra sits back in her chair, completely smug, after having whispered said funny thing in her ear. She’s been doing it so many times throughout the meeting, and while Adora quietly snickered a few times, managing to keep it all discreet for the most part, this time she fails to help herself, and now she’s a complete mess, laughing uncontrollably.

“Uh...” Entrapta observes in slight confusion, everyone in the room turning or angling themselves to look at Adora. She tries to stop a few times, but not much works. Apparently she’s in a very giggly mood today. It’s been much easier to laugh these days, now that they don’t currently have world-ending threats looming above their heads. “I’m sorry, was it something I said? Did I make a joke? Is that why you’re laughing, Adora?”

“Yeah, Adora,” Catra says in mock disapproval, despite having laughed right along with Adora for a moment back there. Or maybe Catra was laughing at the way Adora was guffawing. “Rude much? Shouldn’t you be paying attention to the important stuff Entrapta’s saying?”

Adora manages to stop laughing to scoff, and it’s lucky that Catra says what she did, because it thankfully throws her off enough to stop her streams of giggles. “Hey! You’re the one who made me laugh!”

“Am I? You can’t prove it.”

“Uh, can too–“

“Hey, uh–“ Mermista interrupts, looking at her dolphin-themed digital watch, that she recently started wearing–“not to like, interrupt your couple fights or whatever, but, could you two like... not? We’re all happy you’re back together and stuff, but I have to leave in an hour for a party with my friends. And before you guys ask my friends don’t know you guys and this is kind of a weird, like, ‘yay we didn’t die when Horde Prime was chipping everyone’ reunion thing. Yeah, we literally have not seen each other in months. And it’s probably gonna be like super awkward, so, if I bring any of you along it’s just gonna get extra weird. So like... don’t, okay?”

“Wait, back up–“ Catra straightens in her seat–“what do you mean ‘back together’? Adora and I aren’t dating.”

Mermista snorts, and several other people in the room have visible reactions to this. “Wait, like, seriously?”

“What do you mean you and Adora aren’t back together?” Frosta stands up to ask in confusion. “Glimmer said–“

Glimmer covers Frosta’s mouth and pulls her back down in her seat with an awkward laugh. “Glimmer said nothing!” she claims with clenched teeth.

“Ugh, seriously Sparkles? What have you been saying to these people?”

“Nothing!” Glimmer insists. “I’ve said nothing to no one!” She elbows Bow repeatedly. “Right, Bow?”

“Uh... yeah! No one’s talking about the two of you... possibly being back together.” He sheepishly scratches his head. “I wouldn’t know anything about it!” He tries to give a reassuring smile, mouth parted wide to reveal his pearly white teeth. But he is clearly shaking, his eyes most of all.

Catra groans. Adora watches her carefully, unsure of what to say. Something about this whole situation is beginning to make Adora feel rather nervous.

“Catra? If you’re worried people will find out, you can rest assured,” Perfuma speaks up with a calm clarity, but there’s this undercurrent of anxiety and awkwardness. “None of us will say a word about all this.”

“Yeah!” Scorpia agrees with fervent nods. “Your secret’s safe with us!”

“Okay, but once again–“ Catra releases a pained laugh–“Adora and I are not dating each other. Where did you all even get that idea?”

Many voices start to speak and overlap, drowning each other out in waves of indistinguishable noise. Catra’s eyes squint shut and she presses her fingers against her temples, a slow groan dragging from her lips. “Okay, stop, stop–“ she opens her eyes and lets out a wretched sigh–“show of hands, alright? How many of you thought that Adora and I were dating again?”

Multiple hands go up, and Adora’s not sure how to feel about this. Her eyes pan around the room and watches as eventually every hand in the room is held upright. Slowly, she raises her own as well.

“Adora?!” Catra whines in a distressed tone, her hands gesturing quizzically. “What are you doing?”

She retracts her hand immediately, landing it back down on her lap. “Sorry!” she sheepishly apologizes. “It was uh, reflex. Or I was feeling left out and wanted to raise my hand too. I don’t know.”

Catra only sighs in another resigned manner, her eyes giving a half roll. “Okay,” she breathes, and everyone slowly starts to put their hands back down. “This is ridiculous. And I think you’re all crazy and stupid for thinking it since it’s totally untrue. But...” she trails off. “Why. Why did you guys think we were together again?”

Glimmer raises her hand and doesn’t wait for an answer before speaking her mind.

“Well, since you’re curious,” she starts off with a pained smile, “for me it was when the two of you sat down for a ‘talk’ with me about how I’m not _allowed_ to teleport into either of your rooms anymore, without knocking first, or asking for permission,” she raises both her eyebrows. “What else am I supposed to assume? Also, literally every time I go looking for either of you, you’re together. How do you explain that? What normal _non-dating_ reason do you have for that?”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Catra scoffs, “are Adora and I not allowed to have a strong friendship now? Also, did it not occur to you that privacy is just, I dunno, _important?_ Just because Adora and I agree on that doesn’t mean we’re dating, okay?” 

Glimmer just snorts, crossing her arms. “Okay. Um, well, I don’t wanna bring this up in a meeting, but... you know that’s not true. I’ve seen things, okay? Some suspicious things. The two of you aren’t as sneaky as you think you are.”

Both of their eyes widen in horror. There’s no way to know for sure what exactly Glimmer has seen them do. Adora’s not sure she wants to know, but she thinks back to all the things she’s done with Catra over the past few weeks, realizing just how public they’ve been with some of their casual shows of affection. In hindsight, their affection might not have been so casual after all.

“Honestly, I just assumed the two of you were like, back together based on everything I’ve seen in this one meeting... I guess,” Mermista interjects with a shrug. “It’s not that deep. But like... why are you two acting so couple-y if you don’t want people to think you’re together or whatever?”

Catra’s face goes red and it looks angry, but not in a way where she’ll explode. It’s embarrassed but not in a way that Adora can enjoy either. She sighs very deeply, rubbing her forehead in frustration. “This was a mistake,” she sinks back in her chair. “Hey, Entrapta?”

Entrapta, who’s been fumbling with her tracker pad this whole time, making notes and calculations and little happy noises, realizes she’s being called on a moment later. “Oh. Am I allowed to go back to talking now?”

“Yes, and uh, I’m... sorry? For interrupting you. And all that,” she clears her throat awkwardly. “Please... tell us more about space stuff.”

Entrapta’s eyes light up and she starts talking about everything she knows about the upcoming space missions.

Adora listens, but she also doesn’t. Her eyes keep flicking over to where Catra sits beside her, unmoving, quiet. Catra looks straight ahead throughout the rest of the meeting. She doesn’t so much as spare Adora a glance.

When the meeting ends, everyone slowly clears out, and Catra leaves too, walking back to her room, not bothering to wait for Adora or even say anything to her. Adora’s not sure what to do, and she knows it doesn’t feel right to confront Catra about any of this with so many of their friends around, so she ends up quietly following Catra.

“Hey, are you okay?” she asks once no one is around.

Catra nearly bumps into her own door when Adora speaks, startled and jumpy from her presence. She half scowls at her as she turns to open the door. “Why are you following me?”

Her words are bitter and pierce at Adora’s fragile heart. Her heart tightens at the pain of all this, the feeling that everything she’s worked so hard to have for the past few weeks is just going to slip through her fingers like that.

“We agreed to hang out after the meeting, remember?” Adora carefully follows her in, closing the door behind them for some privacy. However this ends... they’re gonna need the door to stay shut.

Catra sighs, gripping onto the back of one of the chairs in her room.

“Adora... don’t play dumb,” she bites her lip. “You know it’s over. Our deal is done, okay? We’re not doing this anymore.”

Adora feels something fiery and hot burn in her chest, her throat, and her eyes. She scoffs to maintain some control over it all. “Play dumb? What? Why? We’re just done? Because a few of our friends thought we were dating again? That’s nothing, Catra.”

“Everyone in that room thought we were back together, Adora!” Catra loudly points out. “That’s not nothing, that’s the worst outcome this arrangement could have.”

“Why?” Adora continues to argue. “And come on, who cares? We’re not actually dating–“ her throat tightens–“so why does it matter to you?” She huffs. “What, are you embarrassed of me or something? If people think we’re together is it gonna ruin your reputation? What is it, Catra?”

Catra pinches the space between her eyebrows and groans. “I, what? What reputation? I don’t care about any of that, dummy. This isn’t about me, okay? How are you supposed to start dating someone else, how are you supposed to find someone _new_ —if word starts spreading and people think we’re really together? Is that what you want?”

“Yes!” Adora bellows loudly, sort of angrily. She’s tightened a shaking fist that hangs beside her torso. Catra is stunned and her lips shake as she just stares, wide-eyed at Adora. “You _know_ that’s what I want,” Adora exhales in resignation. “You just don’t want it. So stop acting like this is all about me, when the real reason why I even need a new girlfriend is because you don’t want to be mine! And it’s fine that you don’t want me, Catra. I can live with the fact that you don’t want to date me anymore. But you keep... you keep confusing me. Whether it’s intentional or not. And yet... every time I think you might want me again, you push me away! It _hurts_ , Catra. It really hurts, and I’m sick and tired of it.” She gives a sad little chuckle, shaking her head slowly. “You know what? Maybe you’re right. This is good. Stay away from me if it makes you so happy. I don’t wanna feel like this anymore.”

Adora storms out of Catra’s room, feeling worse for wear. But it’s for the best. She can’t keep looking like a fool. She wants Catra more than anything, but if Catra hates the idea of them being a couple so much... well. There’s nothing Adora can do about it. No matter how much she wants this. No matter how much it hurts to not be with Catra.

* * *

“You’re kidding.”

Entrapta looks up from her electronic device. “Kidding? Why would I do that? No, this is all part of the schedule. And in the schedule, it says that we each split up and deploy the magic conductor devices in these three neighboring dwarf planets. Bow and Glimmer are going to handle one, I’m handling one by myself, and then it says here that you and Adora are meant to take on a planet too. Did you not remember me saying this during the briefing?”

So, here’s the rundown on everything that’s happening: They want to bring magic back to the universe. Without intervention from Entrapta, Adora would probably have to go about doing this by... traveling planet to planet. And there’s quite a lot of planets. And not enough time in the universe, probably. When Horde Prime was defeated, Entrapta went through his old ship and found tons of data. Turns out, in all the planets he had conquered, he would install some sort of device that could connect each of the planets back to his mainframe. Obviously it was to ensure he always had access, some control over all his colonies. Entrapta found a way to use this system so Adora can send She-Ra’s magic through the mainframe, spreading it to all the planets at once through the conductors.

However, Entrapta also discovered that not all planets in the universe were under Horde Prime’s control upon his demise, not just planets like the one Melog is from. She never fully explained why this was so, or how she found out that the planets existed if even Horde Prime didn’t know they did, or why he didn’t bother to conquer them. Or why they don’t have magic despite not getting conquered.

Entrapta is just very smart. And it’s not that Adora isn’t smart, it’s that she’s not always the best at listening and Entrapta talks really fast. Actually, scratch that previous point. There is every possibility that Entrapta explained everything that Adora is confused about. She just... doesn’t know what those reasonings are.

Either way, that’s what their main mission is here. Travel to the planets without conductor devices, and install them, so that Adora can then bring magic back to them all at once, restoring and bringing balance back to the universe.

“Uh, I, who knows. There were just so many briefings. And you said a lot of things during each one,” Catra asserts in response to Entrapta. “I can’t remember every single little thing you tell us.”

“Oh, okay. But I am telling you right now,” she says. “Right before you need to do it. Is that... not good enough?”

“I’m just saying–“ Catra shrugs in frustration–“why can’t I be the one who does it alone? Why do the missions have to be split up like this?”

Adora doesn’t even so much as react. She stays quiet for the moment, busying herself with her space suit.

“I don’t understand...” Entrapta trails off nervously. “I thought the two of you were friends. I paired the both of you up so you would be happy doing the mission. Did I do something wrong?”

Catra looks guilty and scared. “No, no, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s–“

Bow walks up to both Catra and Entrapta, fully dressed for his and Glimmer’s mission, since they’re the first ones to be dropped off. “Is everything okay? Catra, what’s wrong? Why don’t you wanna do the mission with Adora?”

“Who knows?” Adora finally interrupts from her end of the room. “Maybe Catra’s afraid someone will see us together and think we’re a couple. You know. Her worst fear.”

Catra rolls her eyes. “It’s not my _worst_ fear—you’re really still mad about that?”

“Didn’t say I was mad,” Adora chews on her lip. It’s a lie, of course. She still gets upset just thinking about it all. They haven’t spoken in a civil manner in... days. Mealtimes with Bow and Glimmer, and ever since they took off for space, Entrapta too, have been a hostile affair. They glare at each other sometimes, say snide things, get into little arguments. Nothing too drastic, though. Nothing too concerning that would make any of their friends step in. Until now, apparently.

In some ways, it’s nice. It’s nice in the worst way possible. Adora has nothing to lose, in a sense. Well... she does, but she’s currently confident she won’t lose it.

What this means is she can be as angry with Catra as she wants, because she deserves it, but Catra won’t leave. Adora feels like she’s sure of this now. Like it’s some silent promise. Catra won’t take off or abandon her. She sticks around even through all their stupid fights, which aren’t even real fights because they don’t say or do any real damage. Not like they used to. They bicker and squabble but continue to follow each other to the ends of the universe.

Deep down, even under the layers of rancor, there is this understanding. Their promise. She’s keeping it, somewhat. They’re still friends, they still have to be friends, and being friends means sticking around. It means Catra is still here to do this space mission, even though she is being a brat about having to go alone with Adora. She’s arguing with Catra, but arguing with Catra means that she’s _here_ , and somehow Adora just trusts that... she’ll stay even after this is all over.

It’s just a feeling she has.

“Oh, yeah?” Catra scoffs. “You, you’re not mad? Sure.”

“I’m really not!” Adora gives her a fake, tight-lipped smile. “In fact, I’m more than happy to go on this mission with you. _Just_ the two of us. But since you’re such a coward, I’m perfectly fine doing the mission on my own too. You can join Entrapta on hers. Because unlike you, I actually listened to her during the meeting and know exactly what to do.”

Well, that’s not completely accurate. But Adora can afford to bluff about this because she at least knows how to install the conductor device. That’s all she needs to know, really.

Catra crosses her arms with a huff. “Whatever. I can do the mission alone too. And I’m not a coward.”

“You’re not? _Never_ would have guessed.”

“Ugh, you’re so annoying–“ Catra groans loudly–“that, you see, that’s the only reason why I wouldn’t wanna go on a mission with you, okay? But you know what? Who cares. Let’s go. You and me. It’s just a stupid mission anyway.” She crosses her arms and looks away after saying this.

“So...” Entrapta carefully interrupts. “I don’t have to change the team assignments?”

“No,” Adora says with a smug smile. “Catra and I are going to have a _great_ time.”

“Oh yeah. _So_ much fun. You know us. _Best buds,”_ Catra sneers with just as much scorn and contempt in her voice. Her teeth are gritted bitterly. “Can’t wait to spend some alone time with you... bonding.”

Adora gives her a wink out of spite, and watches as Catra bites hard on her lip.

* * *

“Halt! State your business.”

“Where the hell are you both from?”

Catra and Adora raise their hands in surrender as they exchange distressed looks. Thankfully, the spears these two women wield are being held a good distance away.

“Uh... we’re from Etheria?” Adora answers honestly, and Catra scoffs at her.

“Adora. Our planet was locked up in some other dimension for over a thousand years. They’re not gonna know what Etheria is,” she says in a quiet voice.

Adora scowls. “Fine, then you tell them.”

Catra scoffs back with the same level of scorn. “Fine.” She looks away from Adora and up at the women in matching armor. “You ever heard of uh... She-Ra? Legendary Princess Warrior? She’s like, tall, buff, pretty hair? Has a sword?”

The two women exchange looks and shake their heads.

Adora smiles smugly. “Wow, tell me how you really feel about me,” she teases.

“Shut up,” Catra mumbles, before continuing to speak at her normal volume. “Uh... what about Horde Prime? You know? Guy who kept going ‘round conquering stuff? Recently deceased? Didn’t get any memo on that?” They continue to shake their heads. “No? Wow, okay, yeah. Uh,” she turns to look at Adora. “I’m out.”

“It’s okay,” Adora assures her, smirking. “I got this.” She transforms into She-Ra, raising her sword. “Hey! I’m uh, the She-Ra that you’ve never heard of,” she tries to look kind and assuring in the face of their shocked reactions. “Nothing to be afraid of! I’m here to... bring magic! There was magic in the universe, and then Horde Prime— _who you also have not heard of for some reason_ —he uh, he was bad. And he took a lot of magic away, and so now I want to bring magic back.” She holds up the conductor device, pointing to it. “Can we install this thing here so that when I bring magic back to all the planets at once your planet gets the magic stuff too?”

The two women give each other looks, turning away and talking in hushed whispers to each other.

Adora goes back to her usual form and looks at Catra. “You think that worked?” she asks quietly.

“Guess we’ll see.”

The women turn back around. “Are you lovers?” one of them asks.

“UH...”

“ISN’T THAT. A BIT OF A PERSONAL QUESTION?”

“Don’t ask it like that,” the other one criticizes. “You know how youngsters are these days. You gotta ask it differently.” She looks up with a smile at Catra and Adora. “You two slamming ass?”

Adora feels her face harden to rock. “That’s worse, actually.”

“Oh,” her head droops and her partner slaps her back and laughs heartily at her. “Sorry about that. My bad.”

“Why are you even asking us this?” Catra says with a strained voice. “Are _you_ two lovers or something?”

“Oh, yes, of course,” one of them confirms, giving her girlfriend a soft kiss. “The reason why we ask is because having a soulmate is mandatory here.”

“Mandatory soulmates?”

It’s a little bit ridiculous. Adora’s not really sure what it means but she can’t help but snort.

“We pick our soulmate at a young age. If we do not, one will be assigned. We were best friends as children so we chose each other. We fell in love as we got older,” she explains, interlocking their fingers together. Adora feels a great deal of envy watching them stare wistfully into each other’s eyes. “Oh. Perhaps we should have said ‘soulmates’ instead of ‘lovers’ earlier.”

“It’s like chill, you know?” The more... casual sounding one explains. “It doesn’t have to be romantic and stuff. Some soulmates here are platonic. But... soulmates are a part of our people’s rules. Everyone needs to have a partner. A person to be with. You have to go everywhere with your partner. And our queens said that outsiders are only allowed in if they follow these customs. If you wanna bring in that magic of yours to our planet, you have to ask them. And they won’t take anyone seriously unless they’re together with someone else. So... are you? Soulmates? Together? Lovers? Anything?”

Catra taps on Adora and they turn around to have a secret discussion of their own. “This planet is so weird,” she tells her. “Are you sure you wanna do this? Can’t we just skip this place?”

Adora takes a deep breath, sighing. “I don’t know...” she thinks about it, then shakes her head. “No. We can’t leave. This place _is_ weird... but it doesn’t mean they don’t deserve magic. We have to stay and convince their queens. I’m sure they’ll let us complete our mission once we explain it to them.”

“What? You’re serious?”

“Yes, Catra, I am. We have to stay. We have to try.”

She groans, loud enough to earn more confused stares, before straightening her back. “Alright, fine.” She clutches the side of her head. “We’ll stay. But you owe me one.”

Before Adora can even ask what exactly she’s owed, Catra dips her in a dizzying kiss.

Perhaps there’s no need to install any conductor devices, because surely magic already exists on this planet. That’s what this kiss feels like. Magical, and unexpected, and something she’s longed for. It’s the kind of kiss that you wish for on shooting stars, the kind of kiss that makes you glow in the moonlight.

They make out for a moment too long. Adora wants to die like this, with the taste of Catra’s kiss on her tongue. But then Catra starts pulling her back up and pushing her away, panting. “Does that answer your question?” she says breathlessly, and the women smile at each other with knowing looks. “Now... take us to the queens or. Whoever makes the decisions and stuff.”

* * *

Apparently, the queens are having dinner, but someone contacted them and told them about Catra and Adora’s proposal to bring magic back to their planet. They expressed some curiosity at this and asked to meet for dinner and a discussion. So now Catra and Adora are making their way to the place where they’re dining at, and they’re all alone now, after getting escorted to the elevator that’ll take them directly to the restaurant.

“Hey, uh, which floor did they say it was again?” Catra asks as her hand hovers over the buttons.

Up till this point, Adora has been sort of... dizzy. You know, the kind where nothing around you feels real, like she’s just buzzing all over because of what happened. But now that they’re alone, the reality of their kiss hits her and she finds it... hilarious.

So yes, she laughs in response to Catra’s question, and it’s the kind where she starts off slow but then the laughter gets more intense, and soon she bends over snickering, hands clutching her abdominal area as she chortles loudly, proudly, and without shame.

Catra randomly jabs her guessed number for what floor they’re supposed to get to and just stares at her in confusion. “Uh... are you okay?”

Adora’s back straightens and she catches her breath in her throat and forces herself to keep it together, just slightly. Her motivation for doing this? Making fun of Catra.

“Ah... too good,” she gives a slight shake of her head. “I cannot believe you actually kissed me.”

Catra’s eyes quake and widen as her cheeks go red and her hands stiffen. She then composes herself and neutralizes her expression. “Uh, yeah? That was five minutes ago. And I did it because of the whole lovers thing, you know that.”

“Do I?” Adora crosses her arms, raising her eyebrow at Catra. “You didn’t _have_ to kiss me. We could’ve just told them we were lovers and they would’ve bought it. You kissed me because you wanted to.”

“No I didn’t!” Catra angrily protests, tightening her fists, scowling. “It was just so they wouldn’t question it, okay? I wanted to leave, you’re the one who wanted to stay and give them their stupid magic back!”

“And you’re the one who wanted to stick her tongue down my throat!”

“Oh yeah?” she retorts, not backing down yet. “Well, you shouldn’t laugh too soon. You know you kissed me back.”

“Well, what else was I supposed to do?” Adora says this nonchalantly, shrugging her shoulders. “Your tongue was in my mouth. And you were having _such_ a good time kissing me—how could I not? I have manners, you know.”

“Ugh!” Catra tosses her hands in the air. “You are the worst! Why are you like this? Why can’t you just be, I dunno, _cool_ about our kiss which we—for the last time—did because of this weird planet’s customs. Or do the normal thing and pretend it didn’t happen at all?”

“I would’ve done that if you had kept the kiss short,” Adora says strikingly, reminding Catra just how long the kiss went on for. “If you didn’t get into it so much.”

That leaves her speechless for a moment. She has no comeback.

“Face it, Catra,” Adora continues to rub it in, walking closer to where Catra’s standing, arms crossed, face sullen. “You have a problem. Maybe even an addiction. An addiction to kissing _me_ , which is just,” she snorts, “so embarrassing for you. Going cold turkey these last few weeks must’ve been so painful. No wonder you jumped at the first chance you got to–“

Catra shoves her against the steel walls of the elevator, gripping hard on her arms. It shouldn’t feel as good as it does. “Shut. Up,” she emphasizes carefully. “Or I’ll–“

“Or you’ll what?” Adora heaves, her hand pushing the small of Catra’s back, pressing them closer together. “Kiss me again?”

She could do it so easily, their lips are barely an inch apart. Catra’s eyes widen and she swallows hard, her lips parting ever so slightly. She very clearly considers it, and Adora waits as she thinks, just quietly enjoying the tension between them. She knows she’s being a little harsh and very annoying, as Catra so complained, but she can’t help it. She can’t help herself. The one who’s got an addiction... she won’t say Catra doesn’t have one, but the person who’s hooked for sure is Adora.

She knows Catra is going to keep pushing her away, and she’s kind of angry because of that. But every time she manages to rile Catra up, every time she finds those little cracks in her facade, Adora relishes the taste. Catra pushes her away, sure, but she’s also fighting an indescribable pull that they share. Somehow, it always feels like they’re being dragged towards each other. Drawn in the most magnetic way.

“No,” Catra backs off, taking a lot longer than Adora thought she would this time. Adora only raises her eyebrows in an almost expressionless way. “I’m not kissing you again, idiot. You wanted to stay away from me, and... so do I. Feeling’s mutual and all that.”

Adora feels that anger bubble up again. “Me, stay away from you? I’m following your _lead_ , Catra. You’re the one who–“

“I know!” Catra interjects with a harsh groan. “I get it, okay?” she scoffs. “Yeah, you’re desperate to be my girlfriend again, because you’re too scared of what else is out there, so you’d rather stick with me because I’m familiar–“

“That’s not what I said!” Adora hollers this at her, but her voice falters because Catra’s words hurt. And they’re just... untrue. “I never said that, do you really think that’s how I feel?”

“It doesn’t matter what I think, what matters is that we can’t do this.” Catra exhales weakly. “So from here on out, whatever I do, don’t think that it means anything, okay? It’s all for this mission. That includes when I kissed you earlier.”

Adora scoffs, her eyes stinging as she blinks. “If you didn’t want me to feel anything... why’d you make the kiss so good?”

She falters immediately. “I...”

“When you say it’s all just for the mission...” she closes the space between them again, tilting Catra’s chin. “Why don’t I believe you?”

Catra shuts her eyes for a moment, before swatting Adora’s hand away and shoving her backwards. “Enough! Stop confusing me, stop getting in my head–“

“I could say the same thing about you!” Adora exasperates as she clenches her fists, gesticulating. “You say one thing, and then do something different, and then you get mad at me, and I get mad at you, and...” she sighs. “It could be so simple, Catra."

“Well, it’s never been all that simple with me, has it?” Catra gripes bitterly, the words flying sharply out her mouth. “It’s not gonna get any easier either, so, just quit it, okay? It’s not worth it.”

“But you are worth it, Catra,” Adora says with a fervent voice. “You’re worth it to me. You always are. I know that _just_ by kissing you. I can’t... I can’t get enough. I’m hooked, okay?” she huffs in some sort of despair. “I’m the one that’s addicted to your kisses. You could kiss me a thousand times...” she slides her fingers into her hair, gently stroking at it. “I’d still want more.”

Catra bites hard on her lip, taking a moment to respond. “Get over it then,” she grumbles in torment, the words trembling on her tongue. “Stop chasing after whatever it is you think you want. Stop being stubborn. You’ll only torture yourself.”

“I don’t care,” Adora shakes her head. “You can push me away all you like, you can pretend you hate me, you can hate me for real for all I care—it won’t change how I feel. And it’s not going to change any time soon because you _keep_ reeling me in. You _make_ me want you, Catra. I don’t think you want me to stop wanting you. Everything you do and say–“

“Believe me, I would make it stop for you if I could,” Catra shuts her eyes in pain. “I wish I knew how.”

“Except I don’t want it to stop. I don’t want you to have to hold yourself back just to hide–"

“Then what do you want from me?!”

“Everything! I don’t just want one thing from you–“ Adora grabs her shoulders, pinning her to the wall–“I want _you_ , plain and simple. I want all of you, the good, the bad, the things that make me feel alive and the things that make me want to scream. So–“

The elevator goes ‘ding!’ and they finally arrive at their floor, the doors opening slowly and noisily.

“Can I get a waffle? Can I _please_ get a waffle?”

The restaurant is hustling and bustling with life and many overlapping conversations. The little bubble they were stuck in together has popped painfully with the same amount of fright that a balloon bursting would give. Catra barely needs to push out of Adora’s grasp to get free.

“We’re here,” she announces sullenly, walking out of the elevator. Adora doesn’t even wait a beat before trailing slowly behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello i'm michelle and i'm typing the author's note right as i go over deleting the spaces between lines in the chapter (only TRUE homies who write on apple notes app can relate 😔 ) 
> 
> yes adora's workout fit is from noelle's art :) yes she has abs :) yes catra is too sexy to die 👅 DGFHGJHJGH sorry that is so stupid that's how u know i wrote it :) at the end of the day i'm just gonna try to fit in as many bad jokes as i can 
> 
> for those of u who know yes catra and adora arrived at breakfast w bow and glimmer (from last chapter) holding hands. very stupid of them. i think we made jokes about that. idk if it happened on my tumblr or in comment replies but its very funny. ok so the meeting. did catra and adora walk in holding hands too? perhaps ❤️ 
> 
> why didn't anyone call them out for that u ask? god who knows. i like to make jokes i didn't say i was a competent writer. who even knows what the fuck happened. i haven't even deleted the empty lines in that scene yet wait brb 
> 
> let's talk about mermista's dolphin themed digital watch ❤️ isn't it cool ❤️ ok end of discussion. now lets talk about how adora raised her hand too dfhsdjhsjd like. yes if ur wondering "is it based on the 'please raise ur hand if u thought x and i were dating- X PUT YOUR HAND DOWN' meme" the answer is yes. it absolutely is. its very sad because that's what drives catra to end her arrangement w adora but its also Very Funny. adora was just feeling left out :/ wanted to raise her hand too bros :/ 
> 
> poor glimmer. oh my god imagine ur two best friends who are broken up make u sit down and tell ur teleporting ass 'ur NOT allowed in our rooms anymore. go get a fucking permit first' and then u, the QUEEN who's letting them live in ur big ass castle rent FREE just has to like. knock. like of course glimmer should be knocking but then they make her think its about healthy friendship boundaries. and she feels bad. only to see them making out in some random balcony or corridor in bright moon. or WORSE she saw them doing MORE than that. poor glimmer :( DGFHGJH and then glimmer decides perhaps i will spread rumors. fuck these bitches GFHJKJ except she ahem, did not say anything to anyone :) innocent :) 
> 
> 'oh, i'm sorry!!!!! are adora and i not allowed to have a strong friendship now? :/ do y'all not stan our platonic bond? ever heard of fucking BOUNDARIES glimmer? :/ how 'bout Respect For Privacy? :/ u bitch :/ the fuck :/' sorry hdfjsfds i know its ur job to quote lines but i just think me making catra say this is the dumbest thing. catra uve been having sex in secret u really think u have the moral high ground here? 
> 
> anyway yeah their fwb thing ended ghdfds sorry for not depicting what happened during it :( i literally just said yes they are fwb ❤️ u ONLY get to see how it starts and how it ends tho ❤️ 
> 
> post fwb-break up catradora is like. they are Hostile. they are Angry. they have Tension. which is fun :) like yeah the girls are FIGHTING lets go hdfssd the space mission assignments scene is funny because poor entrapta..... she's just tryna be nice and have a good time but then these bitches fighting around her? :/ problematic 
> 
> catra: i HATE adora and REFUSE to do a mission with her 
> 
> adora: this is because her worst fear is people THINKING we are a couple 
> 
> five minutes later: fake dating AU ❤️ 
> 
> boy oh boy i really hope y'all like the scenes in this chapter. but i'm like. especially hoping y'all like the elevator scene. i have no sense of self ❤️ i am both very unconfident and cocky at the same time. so of course u all love the elevator scene. but also ofc u all hate it. ??? yeah on god we gonna get me some self esteem. not right now but maybe one day. the scenes are named like this. workout scene. meeting scene. poor entrapta :( scene. fake dating scene. and elevator scene. did i make up all of these names right now on the spot? yes :) 
> 
> cocky adora..... smug adora...... catra u idiot why did u kiss that stupid bitch. ik it was because u really wanted to but u gave her so much ammo rip hdfjsd
> 
> on a sadder note. yes catra has managed to convince herself that adora only wants to be her gf again because she's Too Scared Of The Unknown. u know. mortifying ordeal and all that. and catra already knows her so....... yeah. its how she Copes with thinking she shouldn't date adora. maybe i shouldn't be explaining all this but whatever. yes the elevator scene isn't healthy. they're both upset, and perhaps i will NOT explain why. no exposition in the author's note. GHKJHJKJ homework: make five observations about the elevator scene. on my desk by MONDAY. talk about whether it fucks and in what way
> 
> no i will not apologize for the waffle line. perhaps that was the whole purpose of the scene (bye i ran out of characters)


	7. is this the place we used to love?

“Well, that dinner was useless.” Catra grumbles as she sticks their keycard into the slot, trying twice before she gets it to unlock.

“I know, right? Why would they force us to stay overnight in this hotel and delay me from showing them She-Ra’s magic until tomorrow morning?”

It’s a good thing those queens were so infuriating. Allows Catra and Adora to focus any negativity and riled up feelings on them instead of... each other. It’s good, though. It’s a good thing. Being like this is easier, it’s simpler. Maybe she doesn’t want to argue in circles with Catra about whatever they have between them. She’s already impulsively tried that, and in hindsight it was a bad idea. But that’s no matter for now. They’re not talking about it, and they’re letting this natural camaraderie take over.

It’s comforting to just be friends right now. She shouldn’t pressure Catra for more, especially not while they’re working on an important mission. Perhaps she really did misread all the signs. Maybe Catra doesn’t secretly still want to date her, and she can’t move on because Adora won’t leave her alone. Their arrangement is over, Catra made that clear. So, Adora should respect that, even if she has her doubts. She shouldn’t try initiating anything with her anymore. If Catra wants her, she knows where to find Adora.

“Because they’re weird and this place is weird,” Catra sighs as she turns open the door.

“Actually, scratch that,” Adora breathlessly remarks as they step into the room. “This place isn’t weird, it’s... beautiful.”

“Yeah... they did say they were proud of their hotel,” Catra marvels next to her. “Maybe a good night’s sleep won’t hurt,” she hops onto the couch in the center of the room, inspecting it. She decides to lie down and moans in delight as her body sinks into it. “It’s all... part of the mission.”

“You know what I’m itching for?” Adora remarks as she makes her way around the place, smiling when she locates the door leading to the bathroom. “A good, long shower.”

“Yeah, have fun with that,” Catra responds in a deflated voice.

Adora steps into the bathroom and it’s amazing. It’s elegant and elaborate unlike anything she’s ever seen. She tries to turn on the tap but no water comes out. It confuses her, and this confusion turns to panic when a small siren starts to go off. Instinctively, she shuts the tap off and runs out the bathroom.

“Woah, what was that?” Catra staggers over at the sound, and when Adora looks up she realizes the tiny siren was above the bathroom door. Beside the door, she sees a screen light up with a message. ****

**_Hi! Welcome to the HoteLLL. The three Ls in the name of our hotel stand for the three most sacred Ls there are: Live, Laugh, Love. The purpose of the HoteLLL is to promote the sacred bond between two lovers. In order to do this, your room is programmed to ensure you stick by each other and engage in activities together to strengthen your companionship. Therefore, you must always remain in the same room as your partner. If you enter a room without your partner, they have approximately ten seconds to follow you inside. Until then, you will not be able to use the facilities of the room, and should your partner fail to follow you, a small siren will go off, to prompt you to locate your partner and bring them with you. Have a fruitful stay!_ **

“You have got to be kidding me,” Catra groans, clutching her hair. “We can’t even be in different rooms? What kind of hotel is this? I hate this hotel. I hate this planet. It’s weird, and messed up, and I don’t like it.”

“I don’t like it either, but it seems like we don’t have a choice,” Adora scrunches her face and sighs. “It’s just one night, Catra. I think we can put up with this for a few hours, right?”

Catra narrows her eyes at her. “What... what are you saying?”

“I’m saying, like I did earlier—I need a shower. Which means...”

She shakes her head immediately. “No, nope. Not happening.”

“Come on, Catra, please?” she whines, looking pained. “I know it’s a lot, but you’re not exactly busy with anything.”

“I was super busy lying face down on that couch earlier,” she points behind her. “We could both do that instead of getting anywhere near the bathroom.”

“But I haven’t showered in a day,” she insists. “ _You_ haven’t showered in a day.”

“Exactly,” Catra crosses her arms. “Neither of us have showered for a day, so we should be able to tough it out another night. I am _not_ getting in there with you.”

“It’s just a shower–“

“Nothing is ever _just a shower._ Especially not with you.”

Adora crosses her arms. She’s starting to itch from all the filth she’s gathered over this long, long day. She thought she wasn’t going to put Catra in a difficult position anymore, she thought she wasn’t going to bring up feelings or attraction into any of their discussions, keeping things at a comfortable, platonic level. But she really, really needs a shower. Maybe even two. So she’s going to be as annoying as she needs to get Catra to crack.

“Why not?” she asks, voice mildly cocky.

“Huh?”

She smiles. “Yeah, explain that. Why can’t we take a shower together? Why can’t it be just a shower? What are you trying to imply?”

Catra stares blankly at her for a minute before groaning and clutching her face. “Who cares? Ugh, I’m just, I’m just sick and tired of seeing you naked all the time, okay?”

Adora bursts out laughing, not anticipating that response at all. “Sick and tired?” her eyes curl up from the guffawing. “That doesn’t even make any sense,” she snorts, nearly falling over. “When have you ever had to see me naked without specifically asking for it?”

This throws her for a loop. “I... I don’t know! Shut up!”

“Hah, see?” she grins all smug. “You can’t think of any examples.”

“Whatever,” she scoffs. “Who cares, I mean, honestly, what’s happening right now should be a great example–“

“ _Right now_ doesn’t count,” Adora interjects pointedly, folding her arms in a petty way. “So... you don’t actually have anything to support your point.”

Catra looks very pained as she grumbles inaudibly and takes a deep breath to keep it all together. “This is getting annoying.” Sighing, she begins to think to herself, coming to a decision. “You know what? Fine. I’ll do this with you. But can you promise... not to make it weird?”

“I swear,” Adora holds her hand up in accordance with this. Since she’s gotten what she wants, she’ll be as accommodating of Catra as she possibly can. “Won’t touch you, won’t look at you in any way you’re uncomfortable with. I just really wanna take a shower, and also make sure you get clean. I mean, you’ll get yourself clean, I’m–“

“I get it,” she interjects in a strained voice. “Can we go in now?”

“Sure!” She gets a sudden thought. “Just... one last thing. Am I allowed to touch your hair?”

Catra scrunches her face at this, narrowing her eyes suspiciously. “Why would you wanna touch my hair?”

“To wash it! I’ve always... kind of wanted to,” she shrugs shyly, eyes gazing to the side. Catra’s hair, always so beautifully unruly. Growing up, sometimes they would be lying in bed together on a tired, quiet night. Adora would be so exhausted some days, absentmindedly running her fingers through Catra’s soft hair. The intimacy of it all would lull her to sleep, and she would wake up the next morning with her face buried in that expanse of hair. It always smelled so good. It was the best way to wake up during their awful days in the Horde. Being with Catra nearly made up for it. It made her feel foolish sometimes, when she would be in Bright Moon, safe and sound despite all the war, wishing for nothing more than to be back in that horrible place, all because of her bed and who she had in it, and how being alone with Catra never made her feel lonely.

“Uh... no idea why you would want to, but, sure?”

Adora decides not to explain. She’s sure everything she feels and could say about this situation isn’t anything Catra wants to hear anyway. “You could wash my hair too, if you want.”

“How is that fair?” she points out. “You have way more hair than I do.”

“Right.” She nods in apology. “That’s true. Don’t even worry about it then! You don’t have to wash my hair, I can do it myself just fine. It’s not like I hate washing my own hair anyway, I just wanted to know how washing yours would feel like.”

“No, I’ll do it,” she says with this strange certainty, like she’s interrupting Adora to speak even though she isn’t. “I want to, okay? It’s nothing anyway, and besides... they did say we had to bond or whatever. Who knows what other siren they’ll set off if we don’t? Might as well do something on our own terms. And I guess... this could be nice.”

Something about the way Catra is behaving and the way she’s saying all this makes Adora’s heart pound wildly in her chest, but she elects to ignore it on the account that she’s probably letting this affect her more than it should. She should probably not let any of her thoughts and feelings show. She promised not to make things weird and she doesn’t want to make Catra feel uncomfortable. She has to play it cool.

“You’re right!” Adora says, turning around and speed walking into the bathroom because she can’t think of anything else that makes sense for the moment. Catra just silently follows her.

They get undressed and it’s not weird. Adora didn’t think it would be weird, she just thought she wouldn’t be so affected, not after all this time. She’s more than well acquainted with the way Catra looks without clothes, but when all is said and done... she still gets this buzzing sensation once Catra’s stepped out of her outfit. She doesn’t expect such feelings, and it makes her a little nervous. What happened to being in control of her emotions? Her desires? She keeps her head raised so she doesn’t look where she shouldn’t look. She can’t afford to make Catra uncomfortable. Due to her efforts, she unfortunately bumps into something while walking and hurts her leg. This isn’t weird. None of this is weird.

“Ow!” she yells in pain, clutching her shin.

“Hey, woah!” Catra crouches down and inspects her leg immediately. “Why can’t you watch where you’re going?”

“Sorry!” Adora rubs at the place of contact. “I’m fine, I’m fine, I was just—just trying not to look.”

Catra sighs, shutting her eyes. “You know what? Don’t even worry about it. Look all you want. Who cares if you get weird anyway, you’re always weird. I don’t care anymore, so, just don’t get yourself hurt, okay?"

Adora exhales in relief, giving a smile. “Okay.”

She steps into the shower, and Catra follows right behind her. The shower is pretty huge, more than big enough to fit the both of them. There’s even two shower heads.

“So we’re supposed to what, look into each other’s eyes as we shower?” Catra snorts. “These people have a really weird take on romance.”

“We could always look away from each other,” Adora suggests. “Or not. I don’t know how you shower. Do you face away or towards the shower head?”

She shrugs. “Think I mix it up between the two. Are we turning on both showers? How does washing each other’s hair work?”

Adora quietly smiles to herself. It’s reassuring to see Catra bring it up, like she’s committed to it too. Like washing each other’s hair isn’t just something only Adora wants to do.

“Let’s turn on both showers. I’ll wash your hair first,” she offers, turning to her side to activate the shower. Hot water comes blasting out, and it makes her groan.

“Oh, that’s good.” Adora watches as Catra adjusts the settings on her shower, changing the way the water comes out. She settles on one that’s like a strong mist spray. It gets the job done. She wets her hair sufficiently, and Adora starts looking through the soap dispensers.

“What scent of soap do you want?” Adora asks as she scrolls through the options. She would be confused at something so foreign but the soap dispenser is incredibly user-friendly. If Entrapta were here, she’d get real excited about how technologically advanced this bathroom is. But Adora’s not thinking about technology or Entrapta right now. She feels herself burn up when Catra moves closer to her, putting her arm around her shoulder.

“Hm...” Catra contemplates as Adora dies from her touch. “I dunno. These all look okay. You pick.”

“Okay,” Adora smiles slightly, and perhaps her heart flutters at this. It’s nothing, it really isn’t, but just getting to choose something for Catra sets her heart afire. “Dandelion honey mint okay?”

“What even is that? Yeah, sure, go ahead.”

“All the soap choices are like different stuff put together I guess,” Adora shrugs. “Uh... what about cherry lemon lime?”

Catra snorts, wrinkling her nose. “The first one.”

“Okay,” Adora selects it, lathers up her hands, and motions to the back of Catra’s head. “You ready?”

She nods, so Adora goes for it, rubbing the suds into her hair, rubbing her head a little too as she goes about it. Catra moans at the sensations. “Oh... that’s good.”

“You like that?”

“Yeah, this is weirdly... awesome. Why would anyone wash their own hair? That’s a terrible idea.”

Adora chuckles at that statement. “Maybe the HoteLLL is onto something.”

“Oh, they’re straight up geniuses.”

She laughs again as she runs the hard tips of her fingers over Catra’s scalp, watching as Catra’s shoulders rise and fall.

“Is this still good?” she checks in.

“Yeah. You’re like, really good at this.”

Adora snorts. “What, me? Psh, no, it’s just. I guess it must feel really good to have someone else handle your hair.”

She works at Catra’s hair and scalp longer than is probably necessary, so she decides to stop and lets Catra run her head through water, getting it squeaky clean.

“Hey, y’know, you really don’t have to do my hair,” Adora assures her. “It really doesn’t seem fair, plus my hair can get really–“

“Stop talking,” Catra’s already got shampoo in her hands, and she’s rubbing it through Adora’s hair. In her haste to shut her up, she didn’t move behind Adora or turn her around. So, yes, they’re facing each other, and it doesn’t feel wrong, per se, but it feels... different. Catra’s standing real close to her, and there is this distant focus in her eyes. Adora can’t move, and she doesn’t want to move. For some reason however, she starts to put her own fingers into her hair too, so both of them work on Adora’s hair at the same time, their fingers brushing against each other on occasion.

Adora judges on her own that her hair has been sufficiently lathered. Catra automatically lets go when she turns around to face the shower head. She washes the suds off with a gulp, not knowing how to feel.

“What kind of body wash do you want?”

She doesn’t quite expect that. Is Catra just asking for fun, planning to press the dispense button for Adora? Or does she... plan to help Adora wash... her body? Thoughts of where Catra would have to put her hands to do that come to mind.

No, it can’t be. That’s ridiculous, right? Why would Catra want to do that?

But then it happens. Perhaps not in the way Adora expects, but it happens.

Catra rubs soap down her back, and starts giving her a shoulder rub, which drags the messiest whine from Adora’s lips. It makes Catra stop short for a moment, before she cautiously continues.

“I’m sorry,” Adora apologizes. “That’s just, that’s just really good.”

“Your shoulders are really tense,” Catra comments.

“Is that bad?” she worries. “Am I doing something wrong?”

“It’s from the stress. I think.”

“Oh,” she misses her next breath. “Yeah, I have plenty of that.”

Catra sighs a little forlornly. “Just... relax. I’ll make it better, okay? I’ll try.” She stops for a moment. “Maybe you should be sitting down for this.”

“Like on the floor?”

She snorts. “No, idiot,” she gestures to the bathtub. “Let’s ditch the shower and get in there.”

Adora smiles. “Okay.”

They run the tub warm and full of bubbles. When they get in, Catra proceeds to give Adora the best back and shoulder rub of her life. It might be the only back and shoulder rub of her life, actually, come to think of it.

“Is this what it’s supposed to feel like? Like, not in pain. Not sore.”

She sighs. “You really need to learn to take care of yourself,” Catra chides her, pounding her fists into her back. The back and shoulder rub ends, but then Catra starts to give her arm rubs and hand rubs on both sides, too.

“You’re taking care of me right now,” Adora sighs in delight. “Isn’t that good enough?”

“Is that my job now? Taking care of the world’s biggest baby?”

“I’d hire you for it,” Adora says in a somewhat slurred voice, resting against her side of the tub. She’s giddy from bliss, and all the relaxing scents in the air. “Or, you could do it out of the goodness of your heart. As my best friend and all.”

Catra stops for a moment. “I’m... your best friend?”

Adora snorts. “Uh, yeah. Why is that surprising?”

“I... I dunno. I thought Bow and Glimmer were your best friends. Best Friend Squad and all that.”

“Of course they are. But that doesn’t mean you’re not my best friend too. When we call ourselves the Best Friend Squad, you’re a part of it. I thought you already knew that.”

“Oh,” she comes to a sheepish realization, rubbing her neck. “I guess I did. But I also thought it was some kind of joke. Like a really bad joke. If I knew I was signing up to be in the weirdest friend group ever I would’ve opted out,” she says jokingly.

“Too late,” Adora snickers a little at that, splashing a tiny bit of water at her. “You don’t have a choice now. Not with the Best Friend Squad, and not with being my best friend. Because... you’ve always been my best friend. I always thought of you as my best friend. Meeting Bow and Glimmer never changed that. All of you are my best friends. Can’t I... have more than one best friend?”

“Uh, best tends to imply that there’s only one that is. The best.” Catra scratches the side of her head. “But... I guess it’s a very _you_ thing to do. It’s the way you’ve always been, so. Makes sense.”

“Oh. Huh. I think of best as... a tier.” Adora reflects, her fingers picking at each other on one hand. “But it doesn’t mean I see all three of you the same way.”

Catra’s fingers pause mid-rub down Adora’s palm. “What does that mean?”

“It means... you’re my favorite.”

“Your favorite?” she snickers, but there’s something heavier under those currents. “Like, what, your favorite best friend?”

“Yeah... but also no,” Adora shrugs, humming into a sigh. “You’re just. My favorite. I don’t know how else to explain it.”

“Huh.” Catra holds onto Adora’s hand for a long time, silent, contemplative.

“Hey,” Adora strokes through her hair, stopping at her cheek. “It’s your turn. Come on, turn around. I wanna help make your shoulders all... less tense too.”

Catra lets go of her hand. “You don’t have to.”

“I want to. I wanna take care of you too. Best friends, remember?”

“Yeah... okay,” Catra relents, repositioning herself and sighing as Adora’s fingers press into her shoulders. “Best friends.”

* * *

“I told you, I’m not drinking alcohol anymore. Especially not around you.”

Adora can’t help but smile a little at the reminder of Catra’s drunk shenanigans. “But it’s _free_ ,” she retorts, holding out the tiny little bottles as enticingly as she can. “That’s good, right?”

“We live in Bright Moon, Adora. According to you we’re best friends with the queen. Everything’s free for us.”

Her lips scrunch up at Catra’s words. “Fine,” she puts the tiny bottles of alcohol back where she found them, watching as Catra tries to fix up a pot of herbal tea, which coincidentally is also free. They were told their stay wouldn’t be charged, as part of the queens’ hospitality. If Adora’s being honest, she’s looking forward to this tea more than any tiny bottle of unfamiliar alcohol she just put away. The tea has this calming scent, and the boiling sounds gurgle in an equally calming way. Catra looks cute when she makes tea.

But... okay. Real talk.

To be frank, anything Adora is thinking or doing or saying right now is stalling for what she actually wants to do or talk about.

You see, they’re in the bedroom right now, where there’s only one king-sized bed. And no, Adora’s not talking about _that_. This fact (about the one bed in their room) is only important because it helps to illustrate her point: she physically cannot leave this room or kick Catra out, what with them being forced to stay together and all. But while Catra was looking through the nooks and crannies of their little pantry, Adora found something in another part of the room.

It was called... a vibrator. It was packaged and brand new, with a little pamphlet explaining what it did, which admittedly freaked her out. But she can’t stop thinking about it. She’s curious, and the more she thinks about it the more she wants to test it out. And the thought of testing it out just gets her more excited.

Catra pours her a cup of tea, the herbal scent wafting in the air. She watches as Catra slowly takes a sip, before drinking it faster and making Adora think it’s safe to do the same. She ends up burning her tongue at the heat, forcing her to put the cup down and gasp for cool air, even fanning her tongue in a desperate attempt to recover. Catra doesn’t fuss over her, or apologize for leading her on about the heat of the tea, abrasively laughing at her as she continues to drink.

“How are you drinking it like that when it’s so hot?” she slurs half of these words as they come rolling out, her tongue still stuck out between her lips.

“By being better than you,” she brags offhandedly, but then gets up to get ice from their freezer. She plops a few in Adora’s cup, before putting one in her mouth. Adora slowly and shyly sucks on the ice as Catra gulps down her tea. The ice does provide a lot of relief and she begins to feel a lot better.

She slowly stirs her tea and watches the ice cubes melt as she thinks.

“I have to talk to you about something.” Adora finally blurts out, her features scowled in thought.

Catra pauses mid-lift with her second cup of tea held between her face and the table. “Huh? About what?”

“I... sort of. Found something. In one of the drawers.”

She narrows her eyes. “What... did you find?”

Adora sighs, putting down her tea, and running her hand over the back of her head, stopping at her neck. “It’ll be easier to explain if I just showed you.”

“But–“ Catra holds up her tea and gestures to point at Adora’s tea, before giving up with a sigh–“ugh, fine.” She starts quickly downing her tea again, even faster this time, and it’s crazy how quickly she can drink something so hot. Catra slams the empty cup back on the table. “Where is it?”

Adora gets up, trying not to seem desperate as she quickly makes her way over to the drawer, opening it and pointing at the... device. Catra peers inside and picks it up, before noticing the pamphlet and reading through it. She bites her lip for a moment before looking back at Adora.

“So, what? You wanna steal it or something?”

Her heart races at the thought but not in a good way. “What? I don’t wanna steal it! That’s not right, why would I ever–“

“Okay, fine, don’t steal it—but why did you wanna show this to me if you didn’t want it?”

“Well, I... I didn’t say I don’t want this. I wanna try it out. I wanna use it. Like... right now?”

Catra’s legs sort of give way and she sinks into their bed with a certain frustration. “You have got to be kidding me. Adora? Just bring it home and try it when we get back. I’m sure they mean for this thing to be like, a free gift, anyway. It’s in a box and everything. Just take it. Take it _home_. If they get pissed we’ll pay them. We have money, right?”

“We don’t have money,” Catra groans when she hears this. “And besides, I can’t wait that long,” Adora continues in a distressed voice. “I’m curious. I wanna know what it does, what it feels like.”

“Well, too bad. You’re stuck in a room with me.”

“I know that, but–“ she sighs weakly–“please?”

“You think I’m letting you have your sick way for a _please?”_ Catra scoffs, crossing her arms. “It’s not happening.”

“But they have ear plugs!” Adora insists. “You could use them! And besides, you were just gonna drink tea anyway, you’d be facing away when you do–“

“You want me to _drink tea_ and wear _ear plugs_ while you play with yourself behind me?” Catra angrily gesticulates. “In a bed that I’m gonna have to sleep in later?”

“You make it sound like you’ve never slept in a bed where I’ve–“

 _“This is different,”_ Catra insists with a tight, frustrated look.

“How is it different?” Adora grips her temples and rubs them with a deep exhale. “Okay. Look at it this way. I have very important She-Ra duties to perform tomorrow. I cannot afford to compromise–“

“Are you seriously pulling the She-Ra card right now to justify getting to jerk off?”

Catra has a point, maybe saying that was too far-fetched. Still, Adora’s desperate. She purses her lips quietly for a good long thought. “I... I promise I’ll be quiet?”

Catra looks at her like she’s just said something ridiculous. “We both know that’s a lie.”

“You’d be wearing ear plugs anyway–“

“I said no, Adora.”

Adora huffs. She’s running out of places to go in this argument. “Well, you’re not the boss of me! I haven’t gotten off in days, okay?”

“Oh, and is that _my_ problem now? Is that my fault all of a sudden?”

“Uh, yes it is?” she puts her arms on her hips. “Who do you think I was regularly getting off with before a certain _someone_ decided they didn’t wanna sleep with me anymore?”

Adora thinks maybe she crossed a line there, but then Catra snorts, and it hurts for a moment how dismissive she is, because within her lie there is some truth. The truth is Adora hasn’t had time to get off from all the work they’ve been doing in space. But the deeper truth is she got a little too comfy and complacent sleeping with Catra and pretending their breakup wasn’t real. But it is. And it hurts, it hurts to be in bed at night without Catra’s hands roaming her body. It hurts to roll and toss around bed in silence without Catra’s sweet chuckles to keep her company. Her body is cold and dead without the warmth of Catra’s lips.

So... perhaps getting off isn’t something she has been in the mood for recently, especially given how cold their interactions have been before this particular space mission. Now though... she’s itching for it. And if she can’t get anything from Catra so be it, but she should at least get to have this. Maybe if the earplugs aren’t enough, they could use one of the spare blankets in the closet to make a makeshift curtain. Or... who knows. Adora might be going a little crazy. Is she being too ridiculous here? Too demanding? Perhaps she should just leave it alone, especially since Catra was so cooperative and sweet during their shower, but she can’t help what she wants. And perhaps... winning their shower debate earlier gave her the confidence to think that she could negotiate with Catra into letting her do this too.

“Please,” Catra shakes her head. “You’re perfectly capable of taking care of yourself in that department. You’re exaggerating so I feel bad–“

“I’m not!” Adora grips onto her fist, because while Catra is theoretically right, she is also wrong. She hasn’t been taking care of herself ‘in that department’ at all. On top of that, she also doesn’t want to guilt Catra into letting her do what she wants, she just wants Catra to see why it’s... a good idea. That isn’t the same thing, right? “I swear, that’s not what I’m trying–“

“But it’s not gonna work,” Catra continues anyway. “So spare me the speech. I don’t care, it’s too weird, and I’m not letting it happen. Get over it.”

They narrow their eyes at each other. Adora looks over at the drawer and Catra looks upon it with her. They both get the same thought at the same time.

“No!”

Catra manages to snatch it away first, scampering away on the bed.

“Give it back!”

“It was never yours to begin with!” Catra retorts as she dodges Adora’s lunges. She starts chasing her around the room.

“I found it!”

“And I’m holding onto it—so you don’t try and use it!”

Adora does a sort of forward roll and tackles Catra onto the mattress.

“I just wanna look at it!”

“Well,” Catra wrestles it away from her. “I don’t believe you.”

“Why do you even care? It’s not like you don’t know how I sound–“ she gets shoved away but snatches the box at the last second–“or how I look or anything when I’m doing that–“

Catra takes the box back again. “It’s just weird and embarrassing okay?” she pants, keeping the box out of reach by moving her hands about as Adora straddles her and tries to get it back, just to feel something. Some security in being the one to have it. “I don’t wanna sit there and have to like, wait for you to be done.”

She gives up for some reason and just weakly tosses it to the corner of the bed, her head falling against the mattress. A faraway glint in her stare. Adora doesn’t chase after the vibrator. She stays where she is, pinning Catra’s hips to the sheets. They’re both a little breathless.

“Then don’t,” Adora says, and it comes off a little disjointed and confusing because she says it a little too long after Catra spoke.

“Huh?” Catra turns her head to the side before looking back up at Adora again.

“Don’t sit off at the side drinking tea and wearing ear plugs while I get off. Do it with me.”

Adora caresses her jaw with affection but it just builds up more tension. Catra looks a little stunned and her mouth is agape. “I...”

“Aren’t you curious too? To see what that thing does?”

“Yeah, but–“

“We don’t even have to share it,” Adora assures her. “I’m sure they have another one in here somewhere. You could have fun too. I would just happen to be next to you. But it won’t even matter, because we’d just be focused on ourselves.”

Catra slowly covers her face with her hands. “I can’t believe I’m actually considering this.”

“See?” Adora hops off Catra and goes to the drawer on Catra’s side of the bed. To her delight, she finds a vibrator in there too. “Ooh, there really is one in here. Hey, so, you in?”

Catra moves over to where Adora is. She’s completely given up on arguing. “I... yeah. You know what, who cares. But we are not talking about this. You do your thing, I do mine, okay?”

“I know,” Adora acknowledges in an almost obedient way. “No making it weird. I know the rules.”

“It’s already weird, but...” She picks up the box, sighing to herself. “I guess this is what we’re doing now. At least we’ll have fun. Or if this turns out to suck, uh... we’ll just pretend it never happened.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Adora remarks nonchalantly despite her nervous unsettled heart. She moves to go get her vibrator ready as well.

Mere minutes later they’ve gotten into bed, lying as far away from each other as they can comfortably get.

Catra sighs. “This feels way dumber than I thought it would be,” she cringes with a shiver. “This... this is a really weird thing to do.”

“Just don’t think about it too much,” Adora remarks, turning her vibrator on. The device buzzes in her hand and makes it go a bit numb. This prompts Catra to turn her own one on too. Adora reaches under the covers where her legs have been obscured from view, and takes off her bottoms. She removes her underwear too, and exhales as she spreads her legs. “You ready?” she asks.

“Please, just don’t talk to me.”

“Right. Not gonna talk to you starting now.”

Adora positions the silicone-covered tip between her folds, biting her lip hard at the sensation. She whines a little sharply when the buzz runs deliciously over her clit. She was right to have been excited over this vibrator, she was right to have wanted to try it out right now, instead of stealing it and trying it at home like Catra had suggested. The pleasure drummed up by this device happens quick and strong. It’s much better than her own fingers, in some ways, and it’s somewhat a faster, more intense feeling too. It’s just different, and it’s really nice.

She tries a combination of things. Mimicking some things she does with her fingers, Adora tries drawing little circles with her vibrator. She then drives it up and down her slit, but when she presses the thing down hard on her clit, it produces this crazy feeling that nearly makes her scream. She’s plenty noisy because of the insane pleasure, muffling her whines and moans and screams behind pursed lips and a bitten mouth. Her eyes are shut tight from the things she’s doing to herself.

She decides to reach for an orgasm. God knows she needs it, needs it to no end. She’s plenty sure going a few days without climax won’t actually hinder her ability to transform into She-Ra tomorrow morning... but why take any chances, right? She starts moving the vibrator harder and faster against her clit, focusing on building a rhythm. She gets into it, and her hips sink into the mattress as her back arches. She feels it approaching, that precious first climax, and she’s about to hit it–

Except she doesn’t.

Her little device gets snatched away from her. That precious vibrator. Her eyes flash open in a rage, only to see Catra with her vibrator in hand, turning it off with a frown.

Adora doesn’t understand. She’s quite livid for the moment actually, because Catra has her own vibrator, and she agreed that they should do this, so what in the world is she doing right now? Why is she ruining her fun?

“Hey!” Adora complains, sitting up with a series of frustrated breaths. “I was close!”

“Yeah, I could tell,” she comments dryly. “You are... _so loud,”_ she clenches her fist at this.

Adora exhales harsh through her nose. “And? Who cares?” she grumbles. “You knew that. What, are you mad at me right now? Mad that I make sounds? You know, if you were gonna be so bothered by this, you should’ve just–“

Catra grabs her by the collar and pulls her up, their faces inches away from each other, until they’re not, because she kisses her again. Adora can’t even be mad because this is what she’s wanted, and perhaps she’s been craving Catra’s kiss more than anything else. And even if she didn’t, even if she hated Catra... she kisses her so soft and so good that Adora would’ve changed her mind about that. This is the kind of kiss you fall in love with.

Catra breathes hard when she pulls away, her breath landing hot on her skin, her face. Adora presses another messy kiss on her lips and laughs.

“Wow... that angry, huh?”

“Yeah, congratulations,” Catra’s thumb runs down her jaw. “The way you sound drives me crazy,” she says with her eyes shut.

“Hm, still not a good enough reason for you to stop me,” Adora says teasingly, resting her forehead against Catra’s for a moment. “You could’ve at least waited,” she tilts her head. “So rude.”

Catra snorts. “Fine, make your pick then. Is it gonna be me, or that?”

Adora’s teeth bite over her lip with a giggle, before she pulls Catra down, pinning her to the bed. “What do you think?”

She raises her eyebrow in the most insufferable way. “I think you’re just so predictable,” she says as she slides her legs together with Adora’s.

“Starting to regret my choice.”

“I’ll make it worth your while,” Catra continues in a sultry voice as she slips her hand between Adora’s legs, rubbing at the apex of her thighs. It makes her whimper and weaken as she tries not to collapse over her. “You like that?”

She nods with desperation, hand gripping at the sheets. “Yeah.”

“I’m better, right?”

“You always are.” Adora bites her lip. “You feel so good.”

“You gonna come for me?” she asks, going faster as Adora shuts her eyes from the pleasure, nodding her head again. “Good. Let’s see how noisy you get this time,” she licks her lips. “How many stupid little sounds you’re gonna make.”

Adora does moan, she moans loud, but it’s less of a performance and more of a genuine reaction. She moans like it’s a question, and riding Catra’s fingers harder is the answer. Her hands are made of heaven, and Adora sees the light just by getting touched. She reaches to kiss Catra again, and when she comes she does so with a messy muffled whine trapped between their roaming lips.

Catra doesn’t take a break even after she gets Adora off. Wasting no time, she flips Adora around and shoves her down on the bed, back hitting the mattress.

To Adora’s surprise, she reaches behind her for the vibrator.

“Thought you hated that thing,” Adora teases once again.

“Nah,” Catra casually refutes as she turns it on. “What I really hated was uh, not getting to...”

She sort of trails off and doesn’t finish. Adora looks at her curiously. “Not getting to what?”

Catra sort of ignores her, turning the device on and sliding the vibrator up and down her wet slit. She’s got it turned up to an even higher setting than the one Adora used, and she nearly cries from the sensations because something about Catra holding the vibrator instead of Adora, moving it in ways she can’t anticipate, it makes it feel even better.

“How’s this?” Catra asks she sort of affixes the curved device to be a little bit inside Adora as well as against her clit at the same time. Adora can barely bring herself to speak.

“Good,” she moans, shutting her eyes and biting her lip. She wraps her fingers around Catra’s wrist. “I love that, I love it so much,” she whimpers in an almost indiscernible voice. She gasps in a screechy sort of way when Catra presses down hard on the vibrator, making her throb and feel hot between her legs. Her hips jerk upwards when she climaxes again. Her head sort of follows suit, bumping into Catra’s own by accident, because she had her head hanging a little low.

Adora hastily apologizes only to get Catra’s snickers in return. “I’m fine,” she gives her a peck on the lips and strokes her hair. “You good?”

“Good?” she exhales in some kind of shock. “Try life changing. I can’t believe you did that for me. I just, I love you.”

She realizes a second too late the words that slipped out her mouth, but before she can take them back Catra snorts with a tiny smile, bending down to kiss her neck. “I love you too,” she says in a small voice, and Adora doesn’t know if she’s meant to hear that, but Catra says it against her skin, and... she actually says it. Love? Her? Adora? Adora’s eyes pop wide open and her heart starts racing at the implications of this. She instinctively starts to pull Catra’s clothes off, but she has new information she doesn’t know what to do with, and she can barely think about what she’s doing to Catra, or what Catra is doing to her. Her mind is ravaged with thought.

What does it all mean? How does Catra really feel?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all of u after chapter 6: omg 🙈 🙊 can’t wait for the fake dating au op! 😍 
> 
> me, walking in two weeks later with NO starbucks and whatever the fuck this is ❤️: wat fake dating au :/ 
> 
> pop quiz: what are the three most important Ls? 👅👅👅
> 
> “ugh 🙄 i’m just 😤 sick 😷 and tired 😴 of seeing 👀 you naked 🔞 all the time ⏰ okay?” - catra, 2020
> 
> anyway i think i remember some anon asking me “hey is there gonna be any horde references” and i was like bro am stoopid what the fuck do u mean :( and they were like “uh like do they reminisce about the horde or something or say something like hey remember when we were in the horde and you were there” and i was like LMAOOOO probably not sis 😂😂 only to edit this chapter. uh so apparently one time when catra and adora fell asleep in the same bed in the horde adora woke up with her face in catra’s hair and it intoxicated her forever 💔 and also she would miss catra at night because it felt so lonely. which. like we all KNOW she missed catra but. I just think it’s 😭😭😭😭 to think about ok. thinking about how she “got used” to sleeping all alone but also she never did. imagine being in a castle and you miss the girl who keeps trying to fight you now all because it felt so nice to hold her as you slept. imagine being in a castle and you want nothing more than to be back at the grimy fright zone because you feel so lonely and it’s all because one specific person isn’t there. KFKDKFKDKF ya but whatever 
> 
> adora, turning away from catra w her shoulders all stiff because she’s having a gay meltdown over how intimate it was to have catra face her as she washes her hair: 👁👄👁
> 
> catra, greatly misunderstanding the situation: damn her shoulders look tense :/ maybe i should give her a back rub :) 
> 
> anyway yeah i don’t think i’ve seen anyone give adora a massage before. i feel like in the past she would’ve been a bit too anxious to accept one from anyone even after finding out what a massage was. like u know her whole thing about not being able to fully relax and let someone else take care of her :( 
> 
> everyone else post s5: WHO TOPS??? WHO BOTTOMS???? 
> 
> me: did anyone massage catra and adora? :( i think they should massage each other to heal from the effects of war :) 
> 
> everyone reading this now: does op have a massage kink? 
> 
> also yeah before y’all go SMH at catra be HONEST is it not relatable. i once got insecure in a supermarket w my best friend and i was like “hey uh.... who’s ur best friend haha do u have one :)” and he got SO offended and pulled out his phone where he had my contact saved as michelle (bestie) and i felt so ashamed as he scolded me for not saving him as something special 😔 he’s not my only best friend (i don’t even text him that often JDJDJDJ still love him tho) but also i have at some point thought u can only have one best friend. i do tend to have a ‘favorite person’ too tho. which. JDJDJDJD be careful playing favorites sometimes u guys u could accidentally be very obvious about it and then people who aren’t ur favorite get jealous and end up hating you
> 
> wym “michelle is there something you wanna tell us? :/“
> 
> anyway yeah i don’t remember adora telling catra “ur my best friend :)” in s5. also catra’s flashback in corridors adora said “i’ll ALWAYS be your friend :)” but she didn’t say BEST and catra like doesn’t care anymore because she loves adora so much she’s fine w adora thinking of bow and glimmer as her best friends but not catra. catra was like best friend squad is a joke ❤️ but it’s not baby :( you are loved :( so yeah djdjdjdj she’s like i think i’m in the best friend squad? but also up till adora outright referred to her as her best friend again catra was telling herself she wasn’t REALLY their best friend just. as a subconscious way to protect herself 
> 
> look don’t fucking @ me for the favorite thing ok. ya catra is adora’s favorite. what about it. fuck u don’t psychoanalyze me
> 
> do u guys remember in s4 when scorpia made catra some piping hot herbal tea and catra downed it like a shot and she didn’t scream from the agony? apparently i did not forget ❤️ anyway haha adora said tea hot make tongue go ow :( JDJDJDJDJ 
> 
> no one: hey u think they have vibrators on etheria? 
> 
> me: no idea king! but uh they do have them on this random low key oppressive soulmate planet. yeah there’s a fucking pamphlet and everything so that catra and adora know how to use them. they’re getting sex ed from a pamphlet on an alien planet in a hotel room. who’s doing it like them 
> 
> no one: why didn’t horde prime conquer the soulmate planet? 
> 
> me: they fought him off with vibrators :) next question 
> 
> anyway haha how we feeling LMAO xD i'm running out of characters so please go off kings uwu i wanna hear thoughts :) and whatever threats y'all have today fdhsjdks (but genuinely i hope y'all like this)


	8. so tell me when you're gonna let me in

“How did this even happen?”

Bow’s already stepping aside from where he was, bandaging the cut on Glimmer’s knee. Adora sighs as she kneels down and shuts her eyes, restoring her back to her full self. It’s a good thing Glimmer’s not too badly injured, meaning it’s a relatively easy heal, but Adora still feels a short sting at her shoulders. It’s only temporary though, and it’s nothing to pay for the ability to make Glimmer all better again. She shouldn’t have let this happen in the first place. Then again, she wasn’t there, and she’s not supposed to be blaming herself for everything anymore. Still… the urge is alive and gnawing at her.

“We were ambushed,” Bow explains, heaving a sigh of relief as he runs his fingers through Glimmer’s hair. “Turns out word about Horde Prime is getting around. People know he’s not in power anymore. People know he’s gone. I think it might be causing some kind of power vacuum. Some groups of people wanting to take advantage and... take control.”

“We fought them off, though,” Glimmer interjects, looking a little pissed. “They’ll think twice before pulling any kind of attack on a planet again.”

“But what if they don’t?” He retorts. “And what if there’s more than just one threat trying to plan attacks and planet takeovers? I’m not letting you get hurt trying to protect me again. We have to be more careful.”

“Why didn’t you guys just call us for backup?” Catra interrupts. “Don’t you always have your tracker pad?”

“It was all very sudden,” Glimmer explains. “And also we did call you, you just didn’t pick up.”

Her words hit Adora like a freight train as she realizes why she might not have been at the ready to answer Bow and Glimmer’s desperate calls for help. Flashes of her night together with Catra and then the following morning, slamming against the shower wall and making out with her under hot running water come to mind. Adora’s heart races with guilt. Catra has a similar look on her face.

“It doesn’t matter either way, the both of you were too far from us,” Bow continues. “You would’ve never gotten there in time. Our best bet to prevent such attacks in the future is to keep working on our missions. Entrapta says that the planets will all be safer once we bring magic back to outer space. People can protect themselves better and their planets and things will just... be more balanced. Hopefully.”

“So we should work faster,” Adora says. “What’s the next mission? Where’s Entrapta, she’s the one with the schedule and–“

“We’re scheduled for a refueling. Can’t do any missions when that’s happening.”

Adora groans. “Do we have to find those crystals again?”

“Wait, what crystals?” Catra asks.

“Actually, Entrapta found a planet that has some kind of refueling station. It takes several hours to get our ship fully recharged, but it’s also safer than hunting those crystals down. Besides, I think we could use the rest,” Glimmer sighs, lying down flat on her and Bow’s bed. “There’s all sorts of restaurants and places to eat near the station. I really want lunch. Aren’t you all sick of our rations and the food we make on this ship?”

“I like the food you cook,” Bow tells her in an encouraging voice.

“Thanks, Bow,” she smiles back sweetly at him, stroking his arm. “But I hate the food I cook. And I wanna try something new.”

Adora is inclined to agree. Not about Glimmer’s cooking of course, but her own personal skills. She’s tried her hand at cooking before, but she ended up causing a fire that she had to secretly put out so no one would know and then she pretended she never tried to cook in the first place.

So they end up leaving the ship to eat. Only they sort of split up, because Bow and Glimmer insist on spending some alone time together, and Entrapta insists that she’s fine waiting with Darla and her tiny food rations. It all frankly seems like a ploy to get Catra and Adora eating by themselves, but you won’t see her complaining about that.

They walk into this diner that is self described as ‘fun’ and ‘old-fashioned’. All the waiting staff zoom around the place on these things called roller skates.

“You look really nice,” she tells Catra as they peruse their individual menus.

Catra tilts her menu down and just snorts at Adora. “I’m wearing the same thing I always wear.”

“Well, then I guess that explains how you always look nice.”

“Order your food, Adora.”

“I can’t decide,” Adora complains immediately, which is true, she’s been through the menu like three times at least, and she’s narrowed down the things she wants to get to like... five items on the menu. “I don’t know what to get. It all looks good.”

Catra looks somewhere behind Adora which prompts her to turn around and see—a waitress with red hair—who is skating down the aisle. “Why don’t you ask her what’s good?”

“Uh, I don’t know–“

Catra waves her down anyway. The waitress stops at their table.

“Hi! My name is Holly, I’ll be your server for today. May I take your order?”

“Hey,” Adora waves at her, and when Holly turns to look her face sort of changes. Some sort of awestruck curiosity. Adora doesn’t make much of it. “I’m… having some trouble deciding what I want. Is there anything you could recommend?”

Holly’s mouth is sort of agape. “Uh... what...”

“Have you ever tried the food here?” Catra asks candidly. “Like, most of it?”

“Oh!” Holly nods her head. “Yes, I’ve tried everything we offer here. We have good food.”

“Ooh, I bet it’s all good,” Adora hungrily rakes her eyes over the pictures in the menu, feelings of indecision building up inside. “Everything here just looks so tasty.”

“Okay, but which is the best one?” Catra asks Holly again, her voice straining at the lack of conclusions being drawn.

“There is no best one,” Holly claims. “A lot of what we sell is really good,” she puts two thumbs up, sounding very rehearsed. “It depends on each person I suppose?”

She sighs, leaning back on the headrest. “Fine, I guess that makes sense.” Her gaze shifts to Adora. “Why don’t you just tell her about the stuff you’re deciding between and she’ll tell you what’s good and what’s not?”

“Oh, that’s actually a really helpful idea–“ Adora flips through the menu as Catra smirks to herself–“okay, so, first thing I’d want is… the barbecued pork chops.”

“Oof, uh...” Holly starts to carefully shake her head, baring her teeth. “I wouldn’t get that. It can get really dry sometimes. And it’s tough as hell. You don’t wanna chew hard dry meat.”

“I thought everything here was supposed to be _good_ ,” Catra says in a skeptical voice, her arms crossed.

“It is! Just... with the exception of that.”

She narrows her eyes. “Okay...”

“What about the double cheeseburger?” Adora asks.

“That is also dry.”

“Uh…” She scrambles for a solution to this. “Could you make it wet?”

“Greasy you mean?”

“Uh...” Adora’s eyes dart around in thought, “sure?”

“Oh, no, I can’t guarantee that. I don’t cook anything we serve. Also it’s very over seasoned.”

“Look, you can’t just say everything here is good if that’s not actually true.” Catra cuts in with a peeved voice.

“Maybe it’s just those two things,” Adora suggests to be nice, even though she has to admit, the situation’s looking kind of sticky. “Uh... how about the spaghetti bolognese?”

“Oh, that’s really good!”

Catra and Adora both heave a sigh of relief. “Finally.”

“Okay... that sounds great. I was also thinking of getting the teriyaki chicken rice bowl and the ribeye steak. Are either of those any good too?”

“The teriyaki chicken rice bowl is the best thing we sell here,” Holly says with a confident smile.

“Didn’t you say like a minute ago that there’s no ‘best item’ here?”

She essentially ignores Catra’s jabs. “The ribeye steak is also really tender! I highly recommend it.”

“Okay,” Adora bites on her lip. “So it’s narrowed down to three things. Uh... Catra, what do you want?”

“We’re getting all three of those things,” she says, handing her menu back to Holly.

“All three?” Adora’s eyes widen, but she does like the sound of that. “But what about you, what... what do you want?”

“I’ll just eat whatever you can’t,” Catra only shrugs at first, but she seems to crack under Adora’s stare and offhandedly explains herself a bit more. “Look… you’re way too curious to settle with just one dish, okay? Just try all of them, and leave out whatever you don’t like. I don’t care what I eat.”

For a moment, Adora just can’t breathe. Catra’s magnanimous gesture leaves her in a sort of shock. She remembers once again the whispered confessions she felt against her skin. The passion that drove them wild hours into the night, lasting them for most of the morning too. Her faked nonchalance only drives home this point. Adora loves Catra and Catra loves her too. She feels it just by sitting across from her in this booth. It’s a lot to think about. She settles on letting it warm her heart for the moment. She knows she’ll have to bring it up eventually, but right now she’s happy with just... knowing.

“Is that all?” Holly smiles, jotting down their orders. “Alright, let me know if you need anything else!”

She skates away, and Adora gets this gooey smile on her face. She can’t help it. Maybe she won’t bring up love, but she should at least get to tease her about this. Catra catches it almost immediately and scowls.

“What are you... what’s with your face?”

“Nothing. Just… I can’t believe you care about me,” she snorts, biting her lip.

Catra rolls her eyes immediately. “Wow, I can’t take you anywhere.”

“And yet you’re here with me. Ordering _all_ the food I want so I can be happy. Aw...”

“I’m never going to a restaurant with you ever again,” Catra rubs at her head. But then her face softens and so does her tone. “Look... I don’t. I don’t ever want you to be unhappy. Okay? I’ll leave it at that.”

Adora decides not to ruin it. She keeps quiet until their food gets served. Holly gently sets an additional drink they didn’t order in front of her.

“This is... a strawberry paradise soda,” she explains shyly. The drink is garnished with mint leaves and actual strawberry slices. The straw is red and squiggly. “It’s on the house. For uh, you. It’s free. It’s on me.”

She leaves very quickly after that. “Wow,” Catra snorts, taking a sip of her ice water. “Someone’s got a favorite.”

Adora cautiously takes a sip of her free drink. She hums in delight. “Oh, this is really good.”

“Of course it is,” Catra remarks with her head lazily propped up. Her words, on the other hand, are delivered restless and cutting. “I’m sure your _girlfriend_ wouldn’t give you something that tastes bad.”

Adora gets an ill feeling, her face scrunching slightly. She doesn’t like the implication that their waitress has ulterior motives. But she does like that Catra seems to absolutely hate it. That part, she wants to hang on to. She wants to rub it in. “I’m sure she’s just being nice. You know, because _I_ was nice to her.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh...” Adora pretends to come to some realization. “I see. You were being mean to her because you thought she liked me. And you got jealous! Pft, ha, I get it now. Perfectly understandable. I mean, not really, but–“

“When was I mean to her?” Catra asks in a heated voice. “And I wasn’t jealous, you idiot, she’s just, just–“

“Just what?” Adora starts cutting up the steak and taking a bite, trying to seem above it all. “Mm...” she starts to chew, swallowing with a purposeful lick of her lips. She delights in Catra’s hard stare. “You should start eating.”

Catra stabs her fork into the spaghetti, twirling it spitefully.

“You’re really annoying, you know that?”

“Yeah. Open your mouth.”

To her delight, Catra actually complies, looking a little stunned when Adora pops a piece of steak in there. “This is really good, try it,” she tells her when Catra’s mouth stays open. Slowly, she starts to chew on the meat and her eyes sparkle with a certain magic. Her pupils dilate, funnily enough, and it makes Adora laugh.

“Oh, wow,” she looks shaken as she swallows it. “That is good. That is... really good.”

Adora swaps her plate with Catra. “Good. You should finish it.”

It gets her knitting her eyebrows together. “What? No, we’re supposed to be sharing. I’m not eating all of it. You’ve gotta have some too, this isn’t fair.”

Adora starts twirling spaghetti nonchalantly with her fork. “Oh, no, I hate it. I think the steak tastes terrible. But you like it, right? So you should have it,” she grins at her as she shoves her mouth full of spaghetti. She’s not sure why she’s doing this. But the sparkle in Catra’s eye... how could she help herself? She would give Catra the world for that smile. “Mm...” she points to the plate with her fork, right before scooping up more pasta and shoving it in her mouth. “This is really good. I love this.”

It’s not as good as the steak but Catra doesn’t have to know that. Adora’s never seen her look so amazed eating something before. That’s why she pushed the plate to her, she realizes this now. She loves that look on her face more than she likes the steak. More than she likes any food.

She scoffs in her face, but it’s not exactly out of contempt. It’s shy and bashful, even. “You just said the steak was amazing. It’s the entire reason why you made me try it.”

“I changed my mind,” Adora answers without missing a beat. She pushes the spaghetti aside and grabs the teriyaki chicken rice bowl. “I hate it now.”

Adora grins as she watches Catra sigh and cut up the steak. She takes a bite of chicken and rice and it’s quite heavenly, honestly. Her mind is buzzing from the flavor and she can’t wait to shovel half of this into her mouth. She thinks about how much Catra would like this too, pictures the looks of wonder she might see on her face when she tries this.

She’s about to take another bite when Catra says “open up,” and suddenly she sees a piece of steak right in front of her, touching her lips. She slowly parts her lips and Catra snorts as she shoves the meat in. Adora chews and swallows, moaning at the incredible flavor.

“Never mind. I do like the steak a lot. We should share it.”

Catra snickers to herself and Adora thinks heaven is real and it’s this moment right here. “Good, glad you’re not being an idiot anymore.”

Adora gets to a part of the rice that has mayonnaise mixed in and it tastes amazing. She feeds some to Catra, who makes some begrudging remark about how this diner isn’t so bad after all. They keep feeding each other. It happens every now and then, like they just can’t help themselves. Catra gets horrified on occasion, like when Adora cuts her food up too big, or puts too much food in her mouth all at once. It gets Catra paranoid enough to insist on cutting a normal-sized bite up for her, worried that Adora will choke, and how embarrassing would that be, right? If She-Ra the Legendary Warrior Princess, were to be defeated not by an intergalactic conqueror, but by choking on some beef in a diner from some random planet? Of course Catra has to interfere, of course she has to cut up the food for Adora so it’s smaller and more manageable. Of course she feeds Adora when she does, which directly results in Adora feeding Catra a bite to return the favor. Obviously, there’s no way Adora can hate any moment of this. Everything tastes better when fed to her by Catra’s hand. Perhaps this is the best way to eat.

She wants to kiss Catra, but for the moment she likes what they’re doing a lot more. Maybe she’ll try that later. They should at least get to finish eating first.

“Hi!”

Holly comes back to their table with something in her hands. Catra’s face darkens at the sound of her voice. Adora tries her best not to laugh. She tries not to enjoy it too much.

“What is it this time?” Catra grumbles between bites. “Here to give my friend more free stuff? Are you _trying_ to run this diner into the ground?”

Their poor little waitress looks intimidated and goes quiet.

“Please excuse her,” Adora says. “Catra gets cranky when she doesn’t get enough sleep. And we barely slept a wink last night.”

She watches with unbridled glee as Catra’s eyes widen at the very real implications of this, her cheeks going red as she clutches her face. Her fingers squeeze at it tightly.

“Is that–“ Adora points at the plate in Holly’s hands–“is there something you wanted to give us?”

Holly smiles at Adora and sets the plate down on their table. “One of our cooks made too much fish and chips. Do you want some? I could take it back if–“

“Ooh,” Adora takes a whiff of the food, smacking her lips slightly. “Oh, yeah, this is good. We can take it off your hands.”

Holly grins, before cautiously turning to look at Catra. “The fish and chips are for the both of you by the way. I just want this dining experience to be good for the two of you. I hope... I hope I didn’t do anything to offend you?”

Catra gets this flustered look on her face and she stammers as she tries to speak. “Uh... no. I uh, I uh–“ she closes her eyes with a sigh–“I get... cranky. I get cranky. When I don’t–“ she bites her lip–“get enough sleep.”

Adora wants to laugh so badly right now. Holly starts fumbling through her pockets. “I think I could help with that!” She finds what she’s looking for and hands something crinkly to Catra. “Here’s a mint candy. This one’s supposed to help with fatigue, specifically.”

Catra slowly takes it and just stares at it for a while. “T-thank you.”

“No problem! I have loads of these,” she puts one more on the table and smiles at Adora. “Just in case you need one too,” she grins wider. “Call me if you girls want anything else!”

She skates off after that. Catra’s still sort of staring at the candy. She puts it down and tries one of the fries. Adora’s already had like five of them.

“See...” Adora starts off in a knowing voice. “I told you, right? If you were just nice to her she’d flirt with you too. Honestly, when I really think about it I don’t think she’s been flirting with me at all. She’s just nice. She wants to be nice to both of us, we just have to be nice to her back.”

“Whatever.” Catra bites on her lip. “Stop fooling yourself. She’s only being nice to me as a cover so it’s not as obvious that she’s flirting with you.”

Adora runs her fingers through her hair. “Well, okay, if you insist. Maybe she is. But only because I was nice to her. If you want her to flirt with you too–“

“Please, I’m not interested,” Catra waves her off, and for some reason that makes Adora feel... good. “And could you be any more naive?” she snorts. “It’s not because you’re nice, idiot.” Her head shakes. “You’re a pretty blonde girl who smiles constantly. People see you and think, oh, she’s hot. And not oh, she’s insufferable, and won’t stop bothering her friend Catra, who just wants to have lunch in peace.”

Adora isn’t even fazed. Her fingers curled in some sort of excitement when Catra called her pretty, like it was some indisputable fact she has to suffer with. But Adora’s not sure she agrees with the implications of what Catra’s saying. “Hm, okay,” she starts off. “But... if she were flirting with people based on looks, there’s no way she wouldn’t be flirting with you.”

Catra’s hand stops midway as she reaches for more food. “What? Don’t loop me in with you–“

She gets this smug little smile on her face. Catra looks all sorts of flustered and all sorts of stupid. “Oh, come on, Catra. Does the prettiest girl in Etheria not know that she’s pretty?”

It is an achievement. A great big achievement, for Adora to have made Catra blush as much as she is doing right now. “Shut up. You’re not making any sense.”

“There’s no way you didn’t _know_ ,” Adora pushes on anyway. “You wore thigh highs, asymmetrical sleeves, and _that–_ “ she gestures, pointing at Catra’s boob window–“no one’s wearing stuff like that unless they know they’re pretty. You were practically weaponizing your looks–“

“I was what now?” she sort of half chokes as she asks this, and coughs a few short times.

“You heard me.” She shrugs with a smirk.

“And I wish I _hadn’t_ ,” she says sharply. “I was not _weaponizing_ my looks, that makes no sense.”

Adora holds back a chuckle. “Really? It wasn’t like, a war strategy?” she can’t help it, she lets out a tiny giggle.

Catra looks at her with a shake of her head. “Honestly, sure, let’s pretend it’s that.” She shrugs. “Fine, I guess this is kinda funny. I never thought you were all that affected by anything I wore back then."

“Well, of course I was. I was always affected by you. Just... in general. I still am. I don’t think it’ll ever stop.”

Catra kind of looks uneasy when she says that and Adora doesn’t exactly know what to do with her reaction. She’s not sure she regrets it. It is what it is. She doesn’t want to lie, after all.

They go back to eating for a while, eating in a bit of silence. They finish their meal and call their waitress over for the bill. Holly brings it over with a smile.

“Hey...” she casts her gaze at the floor and her cheeks are a rosy shade of pink. “I hope this isn’t too forward, but I think I kind of like you,” she tells Adora. “Would you... go out with me? On a date sometime?”

“Oh...” Adora hates it when Catra’s right. But she sort of loves the way Catra’s hand tightens over the edge of the table. She clenches her teeth in guilt. “I’m sorry...”

Holly looks a bit disappointed, and Adora feels bad. But really, there’s not much she can do about it. They don’t even live on the same planet. And sure, they have a spaceship, but Adora... it’s been said a million times. Maybe not out loud, maybe not articulated in any way that was perceivable by anyone else, but there’s no one else she wants. It’s always been her.

“Can I ask why?”

Adora hesitates for a moment. Not because she doesn’t know what to say, but because she’s not sure she should say it. “It’s because... I already have a girlfriend.”

Catra’s eyes get bigger and fill up with confusion.

Holly starts to put everything together. “Oh... I completely understand.” She nods. “I hope you both have a nice day!”

They leave after that, and Catra trails behind Adora.

“I didn’t think you were gonna turn her down,” she comments and Adora’s walking speed slows.

“Why wouldn’t I turn her down?” Adora retorts in question. “I barely know her. And besides, we’re from completely different planets.”

“Oh,” Catra nods, and then snorts. “Right. Yeah, that does make a lot of sense. But... I told you right? She was flirting with you. Don’t think she’ll be the last, so, you’re in luck. Or in bad luck, I dunno, if you’re gonna keep turning ‘em down. Hey, is that how you blow people off now? By telling them you have girlfriends who don’t exist?”

Adora gets quiet for a while. Based on how Catra’s been acting all through lunch, she knows she’ll be opening a can of worms. But it needs to be said. “I wasn’t lying to her about a girlfriend that doesn’t exist.”

Catra stops walking. “What?”

“I... have a girlfriend.”

“You do?” Catra both looks and sounds uneasy. “When? How? Is she back in Etheria? Why didn’t you tell me? Who’s your girlfriend?”

She looks upon her tiredly for a moment, then looks away. “I was… talking about you.”

“You, you were talking about me?” she scoffs, harshly this time, and it already starts to hurt. “Since when am I your girlfriend? Adora–“

“In what way are you _not_ my girlfriend?” Adora gives a dry laugh. She’s really going to say it, huh? She watches the stupefied expression on Catra’s face and decides to elaborate. “Think about just how many times you’ve slept with me and _initiated_ it. It was as recent as last night, this morning…” she snorts but it’s not a funny expulsion. “You claim you want me to start seeing someone else, but whenever someone’s the least bit interested in me, you get jealous. I see the look in your eyes. I know you, Catra. Pretty well, at this point. How else would you explain our relationship?”

“I didn’t, I don’t–“

“Even if you didn’t get jealous,” Adora swallows, not letting her interrupt. “There’s… you’re always around. We’re always together. And I get that I always go looking for you, but at some point you have to admit it goes both ways. You seek me out, Catra, you just do. And I seek you out too, but…” she sighs. “I could ignore all that. I could assume it’s just… sexual. Or that you just enjoy my company because we’ve been best friends our whole lives and it’s always just fun and easy when it’s us. But I don’t think that’s all there is, because… you said you loved me, Catra. Last night, when we were–“

“What?” the word trembles on her tongue just to say it. Her eyes flash over with panic. “I, no I didn’t.”

“It happened. I heard you. I told you I loved you and you said it back. I don’t think you even realized you were saying it. But I think you meant it.”

“It must’ve been a reflex then,” she argues immediately. “I don’t even remember saying it, so it must’ve been some leftover reflex from when we were together. Or just one of those things where you say something and I just agree without thinking. That’s it.”

Adora exhales, wanting to just… collapse into the ground she stands on. “Catra… please. I know it’s hard for you to admit things that you’re not proud of, or embarrassed about. I don’t know why you ended things with me, okay? Maybe you really did lose feelings for me for a moment back there, maybe you got scared… I don’t know. Whatever it is… I don’t care. Maybe your feelings came back. Maybe things were a bit messy all those months ago. But we can just forget about it and start over, okay? So this is me… asking you to start over. To be my girlfriend. If there’s any part of you that wants this again–“

“Except there isn’t,” Catra coldly interjects, and Adora feels the frost in her words turn her heart to ice. She simply cannot feel the organ beating in her chest, it is all overshadowed by her agony. “I don’t want to be your girlfriend, okay, Adora? That’s how I feel. And if everything we’re doing is confusing you… we should just stop. I’ll stop. I know a lot of this is my fault, so I’m sorry. But bottom line is, we are never ever getting back together. I need you to understand that. I need you to move on, because I don’t like seeing you suffer like this. You deserve to be happy, Adora, but you’re not gonna find it with me.”

“Catra, please,” her voice is so terribly broken. So terribly desperate. “Please, I love you.”

“That’s...” she swallows, “that’s too bad,” her voice is off and funny too, but Adora can barely see her face anymore. Oh, here come the tears. “Because I don’t love you. Not like this. Not anymore.”

* * *

“WHEEEEEEE!!!!!!”

“Woah, what’s going on?” Catra lurches in shock beside Adora, who barely manages to grab the front of Bow and Glimmer’s shopping cart in time to stop them from crashing into a pyramid stack of food cans. They collapse into fits of giggles again. So happy, and just… a far cry from how Adora feels. But she gets a smile just seeing them laugh so hard. It makes her want to laugh too.

“You asked us to meet you here,” Adora manages to snort at their antics, with Glimmer teleporting to go get something and then popping back into the trolley. The redundancy of her sitting in the shopping cart is quite funny, actually. “What are we doing in this… I think it was called a supermarket?”

“Yeah!” Glimmer surmises as much, still in a rather giggly state. Bow rests his arms over the handlebar of the cart, gazing at her all lovesick. “We’re running low on food supplies, according to Entrapta, so while she stays with the ship for refueling we thought we’d get some groceries! Isn’t this place great? It sells just about everything, and it’s so nice and chilly–“

“Uh, yeah, about that–“ Catra rubs her uncovered arms behind them, shivering in a worrying manner. Given the planet’s breathable atmosphere, all of them elected to leave their spacesuits behind and just wore their normal clothes. Apparently, that was a mistake for Catra. Adora immediately takes her jacket off and puts it on her shoulders.

“Won’t you be cold?” she asks pointlessly.

“I’m She-Ra,” Adora responds very matter-of-factly. It’s strange seeing Catra care about Adora’s well-being, after stomping all over her heart without a second thought earlier. “I’ll be fine.”

She sounds a little blunt and dry when she says this. It makes Glimmer and Bow look a little concerned. Right. They know her well. She can’t have them catching on, she doesn’t want to ruin their amazing mood. She breaks into the most convincing smile she can muster and quips a little. Tries to tease so she seems normal. “You, on the other hand...” she crosses her arms. “Look like you need more than just my jacket.”

Bow and Glimmer sort of snicker at this and Catra gets a blush that Adora can’t quite bring herself to look at for the moment. “I’m good now,” Catra insists, and no one tries to fight her on that. She wears the jacket properly and hugs her arms closer to her body. “So, what, we’re supposed to buy stuff?”

“Is there a list of things we need?” Adora asks.

“No, there’s no list,” Bow assures them. “We’re here to have fun! Lots of food in here that we’ve never tried before back in Etheria.”

“There’s sampling stations everywhere in here,” Glimmer explains with glee, “they let you try all sorts of stuff for free. It’s in tiny bites too, so we got a bunch of tiny-looking food products for Entrapta. We showed her some of it when we called her earlier, she’s really excited.”

“Get another shopping cart so you two can get stuff that you want too!” Bow tells them, pointing at the rows of shopping carts located at the entrance. “Money isn’t an issue, so just get anything you like, okay?”

“Ooh!” Glimmer’s eyes widen. “Also we should totally race each other. Like right now. Bow and I talked about it earlier, and I wanna see who would win.”

“Wait, what race?” Adora asks in confusion. “Like, like a foot race?”

“Oh, if it’s a foot race then I’ll save you guys the trouble,” Catra quips smugly. “I would win.”

“You sure about that?” Adora instinctively retorts. “I don’t think you’ll get to cheat here.”

“I’ve never–“

“We’re not talking about _that_ kind of race,” Glimmer interjects before things get too heated. “I mean the kind that we just made up, which is running down the aisle pushing someone else in a shopping cart,” she gestures. “Bow named it cart racing. And there’s no need for the two of you to fight. You’re supposed to be on the same team.”

“Wait, then who would push who?” Catra asks with her features scowled.

“I mean, I’m already sitting in here,” Glimmer shrugs. “So Bow would be pushing me, and I figured Adora would push Catra.”

“Why?” Catra retorts immediately. “Doesn’t that just make it a race between Bow and Adora? It’s not really a race that all four of us are involved in if only two of us are actually competing, right?”

Glimmer sighs, her head dipping lower in exhaustion. “Why do you even care since you already think you’re the fastest runner out of all four of us?”

“Uh, because I wanna prove it?” Catra argues with her arms crossed.

“Hm… Catra’s right,” Bow remarks with his fingers on his chin, pinched in thought.

“Of course I am.”

“You’re agreeing with her over me?” Glimmer whines slightly as she turns around in the shopping cart to face Bow.

“Glimmer, we’ve talked about this,” he says a little pointedly, and she backs down with a nod.

“Right. Right, I’m sorry.”

Bow takes out his tracker pad. “Okay, so, in order to have everyone compete with each other at least once—since there’s four of us we would need… six races. That would be if we don’t take into account who sits in the cart. If we _are_ taking that into account…” he makes a few more calculations, “we would be here all day.”

“Six races…” Adora remarks, nodding. She’s trying to stay… somewhat involved in the conversation. Even though she doesn’t really feel like she exists for a moment. She still feels a little off. But she doesn’t want to worry any of them, especially not Bow and Glimmer. “That doesn’t sound so bad. Could be fun to see who’s the best at cart racing.”

Glimmer groans, leaning back into the cart she’s in. “Can I be left out of the actual running? All I wanted to do was get pushed around a bunch. I’d end up winning anyway,” she asserts. “We all know I can get from point A to point B faster than any of you.”

“Yeah, by teleporting.”

“Exactly,” Glimmer smirks at Catra.

“So just don’t teleport,” Bow tells her with a little head rub. “Who knows, you could even beat Catra.”

“That’s true,” she concurs very brightly. “Watch your back, Catra.”

“Oh, I’m probably gonna have to,” she throws back just as sharp. “Since that’s the only way I’d be able to see you running behind me.”

“Hey!”

The races end up being a ton of fun. Adora actually starts feeling more like herself as they all take turns racing each other. There’s this wild rush that comes with running down an aisle as fast as she can, pushing either one of her three friends, each time hearing their exhilarated laughs and screams, stopping right at the end of the aisle and just laughing again, not really caring about anything.

Bow and Glimmer confirmed that they saw some other people run around with their shopping carts in the supermarket before Catra and Adora showed up, so it’s not like it’s something you can’t do in supermarkets on this planet. Still, they make such a ruckus that it’s almost insane how no one stopped them or tried to shut them up. They eventually give up on actual racing, because they’re having too much fun to care, and also they don’t exactly have a fifth party present to judge who won all their races anyway. They experiment with cart riding, and at some point Catra decides to try riding it backwards, meaning she faces Adora as she pushes, and when Adora runs and sees that pure unadulterated joy on her face, she nearly forgets to stop running, nearly crashes into something.

Sitting in a shopping cart is also pretty fun. It’s a little scary because she’s not in control, but when it comes down to it she would trust all of them with her life. Obviously this includes Catra. She may have broken her heart, but Adora would still place her life in her hands. It’s really nice, sitting in a trolley and getting pushed at top speed. Adora feels the wind in her hair in the most amazing way, and involuntarily she yelps and shrieks just like the rest of them.Eventually, though, they split up again to go back to shopping. At Bow and Glimmer’s suggestion, Catra and Adora go looking for food samples to try.

“Come here, my dear,” an older woman beckons Adora over. There are so many different types of snacks waiting to be sampled. Adora salivates at the sight and smell of it all. “Come and have some fried wanton.” Adora makes a beeline for her immediately and the lady chuckles at her haste, handing her a toothpick with the aforementioned wanton. She stuffs it in her mouth and moans at the crunch. It’s absolutely delightful. Savory and crispy... she picks another wanton up and holds the toothpick in Catra’s direction as she pushes the shopping cart over.

“Catra, you have to try this–“ she feeds it into her mouth and Catra’s eyebrows raise as she eats–“what do you think?”

She chews and swallows. “Oh wow,” she licks her lips. “That’s... something else.”

“We have to get it,” Adora says in an impassioned voice.

“Okay,” Catra casually agrees. “Let’s get a box of this stuff.”

“No,” Adora shakes her head, grabbing Catra by the biceps. “You don’t understand, I don’t want just one box. We need like, so much of this.”

“You can find all our stock of this product in aisle fourteen,” the lady interjects.

Catra’s eyes go wide and they blink slow. She looks from the lady and back to Adora. “Are you… like… gonna be like this for every sample we try?”

Adora loosens her grip. “Maybe. I don’t know, I have to try everything to know for sure.”

She sighs. “Well, can’t say I didn’t know this was coming. Let’s go try the next thing. We’ll decide what we wanna get and how much of it later, okay? There’s only so much we can carry back and fit into the ship. And I’m sure Bow and Glimmer are buying a ton of stuff too.”

Adora’s already stuffing something called takoyaki in her mouth. She puts a thumb up, to show that she’s been listening and also that Catra should try this too.

They get through all the samples available at the supermarket and this might be one of the best times she’s had in space. Adora is almost giddy from all the consumption, a little disoriented even, having charmed some older women into finding her precious enough to deserve more than one sample for whatever they were trying to promote.

“Are you okay?” Catra asks as she cautiously holds Adora steady. “Do you need to sit in the shopping cart to rest or something?”

The offer is tempting for sure, but Adora refuses it anyway. “I’m fine,” she insists. “Besides, we have to find all these foods from the samples we tried. Crazy how they’re all in different aisles, it’s gonna take so long to find everything.”

“Well, we don’t have to get all of them…” Catra snorts at her own words. “Who am I kidding. Of course you are. And I’m stuck having to watch you do it.”

“Glad you’re on board,” Adora says with a self-satisfied smirk.

“Not on board, just unlucky.”

They argue from the very first item Adora locates.

“But Catra, these are the honey glazed wings,” she insists, holding on tight to the box in her hands. “You liked them too, remember?”

“Yes, of course I did,” Catra sighs, withholding a groan as she soothes her temples. “But we don’t need ten boxes of it, Adora.”

“Each box only has eight wings!”

“You’re gonna have to live with that somehow,” she deadpans in a dry voice, before sighing at the sight of Adora’s despondent face, her wide, trembling eyes. “Fine. Five boxes.”

Adora purses her lips together. “Eight?”

“Six.”

“Seven?”

_“Four.”_

“What?” Adora falters with a frown. “You said six earlier!”

“Exactly. So are you gonna take the six boxes or do I have to bring it down to a three?”

She grumbles as she stuffs the boxes into the shopping cart. “I bet Bow and Glimmer would let me get all ten boxes.”

“Well, Bow and Glimmer aren’t here right now,” Catra remarks, pretty much unaffected, she’s even smiling at Adora’s pettiness. “And you know we can’t carry this many boxes back to the ship.”

“I could,” Adora insists. “I’m strong.”

“That’s not the point. We don’t have enough space in storage.” Her demeanor softens. “Hey, we can always come back and get more. You know, after we’re done bringing magic back to the universe or whatever. This planet isn’t going anywhere.”

“True,” she agrees with relief, but then she considers something. “But what if something does happen? Like… what if the invaders Bow and Glimmer ran into came here and they… and they attack the planet?” Her eyes get this deranged glint. “What if the supermarket gets destroyed?!”

“Shh, keep your voice down,” Catra holds onto her trembling hands, making her calm. “You don’t wanna freak these people out.”

“Right,” Adora sighs, making sure she breathes properly. “It’ll probably be fine. And hopefully everyone here stays safe and nothing bad happens.”

“We’ll make sure you’re well stocked with your stupid honey glazed wings, okay?” Catra assures with a snort. “No matter what happens. This can’t be the only place that sells them.”

Adora nods with a real smile. They locate the next sampled snack soon after that.

It starts all over again. And again, and again with everything they locate that Adora wants. They bicker for minutes on end and even though Catra is clearly evil again for only letting her get a certain controlled number of boxes or packets or bags of whatever it is she wants, there is something familiar and comforting in just getting to partake in this back and forth they have. Adora wouldn’t trade a second of this time for the world.

“For the last time, Adora, no you cannot buy sixteen packs of hotdogs.”

“But they’re so good! And they’re cheesy hotdogs, Catra! That’s better than the regular ones.”

“I said no, Adora,” Catra is firm, holding onto the shopping cart with authority.

She doesn’t give up. She tugs at her sleeve. “Please? We need it. We need them.”

Two wives of advanced age turn to look at them, loading up on biscuits in their shopping cart.

“Oh, now don’t the two of you just make for such a nice picture?” one of them remarks, causing both Catra and Adora to turn around and look.

“Sorry about my wife,” the other one apologizes. “We were just talking about how we used to fight like this. The two of you are a very sweet couple.”

 _Couple._ The word chills Adora to the bone as she gets shoved back into her reality again, the reality that exists outside of her tugging on Catra’s sleeve, begging to buy way too many food products. She feels this emptiness like a punch in the throat. Her blood turns to ice. So very cold. She remembers now. She never forgot it happened, but… she wasn’t actively thinking about it. She deflected so hard in an attempt to look normal that she fell back into those familiar patterns they share. Until now, that is, where she remembers they’re not together, not a couple like they’ve just been described.

Catra just turned her down again earlier today, and it hurt, it hurt so much. She didn’t just turn her down, actually, she ripped her heart out and tore it to shreds. She showed Adora her heart and said there wasn’t space for her. Not the way Adora wants, not romantically. And yet here she is, playing house with Catra like nothing even happened. It makes her feel so stupid because being with Catra makes her forget that she’s not actually _with_ Catra. That Catra doesn’t want to be her girlfriend. Catra told her _to her face_ that she doesn’t love her in the same way, not anymore, and yet here Adora is. Holding her heart out on a platter for it to get smashed again. She can’t speak from the thought of it.

“Uh… thanks,” Catra responds, because of course this is nothing to her. Of course she isn’t affected the same way Adora is. “You and your wife are a nice couple too.”

“Yeah…” Adora smacks her lips together. “The two of you are a great couple. Only problem is, Catra and I aren’t dating. Sorry to crush your dreams.”

The words snap out before she can help herself, and she doesn’t know why she’s saying this, why she’s being bitter on purpose and oversharing with strangers. But on the other hand, why did Catra even go along with what the unknown women were saying about them? The wives give Adora strange looks now, and embarrassment pools beneath her anger. She feels her eyes go hot. She drops the hotdogs she was holding into the cart and stalks off quickly into another aisle, not wishing to cry in front of people she barely knows, not wishing to cry in front of Catra. Because it’s gotten disgraceful at this point.

Catra chases after her anyway. Adora wishes she wouldn’t, but also this is somehow exactly what she wants. Just… Catra’s time of day. Her attention. “Adora?”

It doesn’t mean Adora isn’t going to try escaping whatever it is that Catra’s going to say. Whatever soul-crushing words she might have in store next. Maybe Catra’s going to say that she doesn’t just not-love Adora now, maybe she’s going to tell her she _hates_ her. “Adora!”

She grabs Adora by the shoulder and pulls her around, distress in her eyes. “What?” Adora tries snapping at her, but it just comes out choked and sad.

“What was that all about?” She implores. “You kinda freaked those ladies out.”

“I was just telling them the truth,” Adora bitterly replies. “Isn’t that what you’re always worried about? That people will think we’re together and that, that it’ll hurt my chances of getting a new girlfriend?” She scoffs with a shake of her head.

“You know that’s not the same,” Catra says with a guilty look. Seeing that nearly makes Adora feel good, but then it just makes her feel even worse again. “They’re just some nice old ladies in some stupid supermarket that we’ll never see again. Why like... hurt their feelings, y’know?”

Adora knows she’s right, she knows she’s being a brat, but she’s upset and doesn’t care for a moment. She just wants to be angry, with Catra, with the nice old ladies, with herself, with everything. “Oh, right,” she swallows painfully. “Because you care _so much_ about the feelings of old women we’ll never see again. More than you care about the feelings of me, your own best friend. Or am I not even your best friend anymore, Catra?”

“What?” Catra interjects in torment. “When did I say that? Of course I care about your feelings, I just–“

“You just don’t love me, I know! Not in that way, not in…” Adora wipes across her cheek. She can barely see a thing past her anguish. She’s needed to say her piece for so long, only she’s held it back for hours, or maybe these questions have been a long time coming, things she’s stopped herself from blurting out since the moment Catra ended their relationship. “Do you even love me as a best friend? Or do you just feel nothing when you see me? What did I do wrong, Catra?” She pushes that query out with her shaking hands, and Catra lurches back with those wide eyes of hers. “What made you wake up one day and decide that I’m just not worth it anymore?”

Whatever Catra says in response to that, Adora doesn’t hear it. She barely manages to get her last words out before the building starts to shake, everything rumbling around them. Light fixtures explode and they hear distress alarms sounding. They start to run, but then the ceiling starts to cave in, and Adora can barely shield Catra in time before they get hit. Before she gets hit.

“Adora!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it’s been almost a month SORRY
> 
> bow and glimmer: 69 missed calls 
> 
> catra and adora, slamming ass uncontrollably: lmao did u hear smth 
> 
> -
> 
> catra, no money: yeah we’ll get three mains 
> 
> adora, also no money: this is SO fucking romantic. i have never been treated like this ever in my life. THIS is true love 
> 
> -
> 
> those of u on last chapter who said ‘how’s catra gonna handle adora getting a new gf she got jealous of a vibrator’ u are all absolutely right. that was the intended reaction i wanted. looking forward to how u will all roast catra and adora this time around ❤️
> 
> “does the prettiest girl in etheria not know that she’s pretty? :/“ ok like she-ra is a show kids can watch right. so obviously it’s GOOD to not talk about physical appearances and beauty etc in like the characters in the show itself. but damn. imagine watching catra get accused of being hot as a war tactic. wouldn’t that be so funny “ur being sexy and that’s problematic catra..... stop using ur catgirl privilege....” 
> 
> also in case ur wondering they paid for their bill using money. glimmer gave it to them tho
> 
> “why doesn’t holly the waitress wanna ask catra out? does she not think catra is hot?” the answer to this is simple. holly is not a furry ❤️ catgirls are not ruining her life ❤️
> 
> adora: sorry holly..... i already have a gf 😔
> 
> catra, thinking she helped adora cheat on said gf when she had marathon sex w her last night and this morning: it was at this moment, jackson knew, he fucked up (u know like the vine) 
> 
> -
> 
> u guys: what the fuck..... catra’s telling adora she doesn’t love her? 
> 
> me, starting the next scene: WHEEEE
> 
> MNDNSKDDJ sorry u guys ok if it helps glimmer n bow called right after that happened so adora didn’t cry. basically on their way to the supermarket catra like promises she’ll keep herself in check better and not do stupid shit to quote unquote Lead Adora On and she definitely blamed it on the hotel being like mad effective KFKDJ and she p much checks in w adora to ask if they are cool and adora definitely lies to her and says that they are which is why catra and adora seem “normal” w each other 
> 
> catra and adora: has tension for like one second 
> 
> glimmer: shut up. both of u shut up right now i don’t have time for this shit. enough d slur drama. go have sex or something 
> 
> -
> 
> glimmer: hi i just wanna be pushed around in this cart by my jacked bf and chill out :) 
> 
> catra: NO..... EQUALITY......... 
> 
> glimmer: u fucking stupid gay sjw cat
> 
> oh!! i hope u liked that bow and glimmer were more involved in this chapter than usual. best friend squad hang out :) i know some of y’all wanted to see them all have breakfast together like i implied in i think ch5 or something. hope this chap makes up for it!! also re cart racing. i’m sorry. JDJDJD it’s just a trope i realized i have used in p much every ship i’ve written for, and i was thinking ‘haha when will i use it for catradora’ and i found a way to shoehorn it into this fic. it’s probably stupid but u know what. i’m right. they DID go to a supermarket on another planet. they DID have fun racing around in shopping carts. also to the person last chapter who said ‘if it’s hoteLLL is it called pLLLanet and is their grocery store called waLLLmart’ u are GALAXY brained and that’s exactly how it is on soulmate planet. sadly in this chapter theyre on a different planet :( 
> 
> anyway yes hi there was a lot of food in this chapter. uh sorry for that. also yes i am asian in case u didn’t know before. ever had a fried wanton they’re pretty good 
> 
> adora: what the fuck..... catra what do u mean u don’t actually love me :( 
> 
> adora minutes later at the supermarket: YO LETS GOOOOO FOOD SLAPS BITCH C’MON CATRA WE HAVE TO BUY MORE FOOD 
> 
> but also fjdjdjd it’s just like. having adhd is like that. things hit u super hard but then u also have this Forget option but of course it doesn’t mean u Heal so when something happens again it’s agonizing lmaoooo which is why adora can just somehow make herself not think about what’s bothering her for the most part and actually genuinely fall back into her usual banter w catra for most of their supermarket trip. but of course if they don’t have honest conversations soon where adora asks the right questions in the right way (aka hey catra. why EXACTLY did u break up with me) and catra gives the right (HONEST) answers.... they will never completely know peace 
> 
> “but op..... ur in charge of showing us that?” “yes and it’s coming ❤️” 
> 
> catra: [s5 voice] when do you get to choose..... what do you want, adora?
> 
> adora: CHICKEN WING CHICKEN WING HOTDOG AND BOLOGNA ❤️ (u know like that tiktok song and yes i wrote it so that they got chicken wings and hotdogs so i could make this joke. who’s this fucking stupid. i did this for some random bad joke in the author’s notes) 
> 
> looking forward to all ur comments MWAH


	9. is this the place that i've been dreaming of?

When she comes to, she’s lying in Catra’s arms somewhere outside the supermarket they were just in. The planet’s getting attacked. Her head is a little woozy and her chest is tight and heavy. She struggles to make a complete breath for a moment. Something explodes inches away from her, and it makes her jolt.

“Adora?” Catra handles her gently, cradles her body with care. “Hey, Adora, can you hear me?”

“CATRA!” She hears Glimmer yell from a few feet away. “ADORA!” Adora sees her drawing runes and throwing fists of sparkly fury, fighting the invaders with everything she has. She also sees Bow jumping and rolling around, shooting his arrows with precision and focus.

“We’re here!” Catra yells back at her.

“Could use a little help fighting these intergalactic space invaders right about now!”

“Adora got hurt!”

“What?!”

“Adora, are you okay?!” Bow asks loudly from a distance.

Adora thumps on her head reflexively, not feeling fantastic but she’s not dead, so, up she goes. She stands on her two feet, stumbling away from Catra. “I’m okay!” Her hand stretches out. “I’ll be fine once I transform!”

But then her sword only comes out halfway before she feels it glitch and shock her, pain striking her palm as she yelps.

“Adora?!” Catra runs up to her immediately, catching her from behind in a precautionary motion. But Adora ignores her and tries again, with words, hoping that’ll make a difference.

“For the Honor of— _ow!”_ This time, the pain makes her fall to her knees. “For-“

“Adora, what’s going on?” Catra tries reaching for her but she pushes her away. It kind of pisses her off for some reason, and besides, she’s feeling very helpless and angry with herself right now. She’s been able to transform just fine for months, what’s happening to her again?

“I’m fine,” she sternly declares. “I’ll get her back soon enough, just go help Bow and Glimmer. I’ll catch up.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m not useless without her–“ Adora takes a deep breath–“you know what? Forget it. Let’s go help them, I’ll figure it out on the way.”

So they run off, attacking the invaders with much difficulty. Adora can’t tell who they’re being attacked by, she just knows she’s being assailed by something. She sees tanks and flying saucers and gets a little worried when she spots a hint of white and green. She brushes that feeling off and focuses on defeating these new enemies. It’s hard. They have technologically advanced weapons and who even knows where Entrapta is? They would’ve brought a larger group to space if they had known things like this would happen. Adora tries to focus and summon She-Ra again. This could end so quickly if she could just bring She-Ra out to help her friends.

She gets shot against the leg instead and screams out in pain.“Adora!” Catra’s back by her side in an instant, lifting her up and running somewhere safe. Adora can’t help but feel her heart race for a moment, but then it goes back all dull and painful again. Catra puts her down gently behind a huge wall that’s partially destroyed.

“What’s happening to you?” She inspects the gash and looks absolutely distraught to see the injury. The expression on her face is somehow more painful to see than the cut on her leg itself, so before Adora can even register what she’s doing, she puts her hand to her leg and her magic takes hold. Her skin becomes good as new once more and Catra gasps in relief as it happens, wiping a tear from her eyes. Adora’s confused and shocked to see that she would even shed a tear over this, but she quickly tries to summon She-Ra again.

She fails. “Ugh,” she groans, throat a little stuffy. “Why can’t I…”

“What’s going on?” Glimmer teleports by their side, before suddenly teleporting away again to magically punch one of the invaders. She then comes back once more.

“She can’t summon She-Ra,” Catra explains and it makes Adora get this knot in her heart. She’s healed herself but it’s taken a good amount of energy from her. Trying and repeatedly failing to transform has also drained her in similar ways. She gives up for a moment, leaning her head against the wall. “She healed her leg earlier but she can’t turn into She-Ra.”

“Glimmer!”

She vanishes and helps Bow with something in the distance, before returning back with him. They both look a little banged up and it makes Adora feel so guilty but she feels too weak to really do anything. And frankly, there’s not much she could or should do. They’re not injured, but if Adora doesn’t pull it together and pull it together fast, they just might.

“We need to regroup,” Glimmer declares.

“Do we know how this happened?” Bow asks. “The last times you couldn’t turn into She-Ra were when you broke the sword and, and when you got poisoned, I think.”

“Did you get poisoned again?!”

“She hit her head,” Catra explains with a concealed frenzy. “Maybe it’s that. Maybe we shouldn’t force her to transform and we should just get out of here before something worse happens.”

“But she’s usually fine even when something like that happens,” Glimmer says skeptically. “And you said she could heal herself, so it’s something _else_ that’s keeping her from reaching She-Ra form specifically.”

Adora tries to transform once again but it doesn’t work.

“It’s not anything else, okay?” Catra insists in a shaky voice. “She’s just, she just, maybe she has a concussion or something.”

“I don’t,” Adora retorts coldly. “My head’s fine, I healed it too.”

Glimmer narrows her eyes, crossing her arms. “Catra,” she starts off with a hardened voice. “What did you do?”

“What?” she manages to sound awkward even in that single word alone. “I didn’t do anything!”

Bow looks like he doesn’t believe her either, and starts typing something on his tracker pad. “I called Entrapta. She’s on her way over for back up. Her part of the planet isn’t getting attacked, so that means this isn’t a big invasion. But we can’t leave until we know this planet’s safe. We have to fight them off, and chase them a–“

“Look out!”

Adora’s warning comes in handy at the last second, with Bow shooting an explosive arrow and Glimmer sending a powerful defensive spell to protect them.

“We have to keep fighting, Bow, let’s go!”

“What about us?”

“Help Adora get She-Ra back!”

They both blast off again and once more it’s just the two of them, Adora trying her best to summon She-Ra and failing.

“Uh... it looked like it almost worked there?”

Adora sighs at her. “Go help Bow and Glimmer. I know what they said, but you sitting here isn’t going to help me turn into She-Ra any more than I’m already... not.” There is this overwhelming bitterness pooling in her chest. Perhaps she still feels a certain heartbreak and disdain whenever she looks at Catra and remembers just how awful things are between them right now. Furthermore, she’s pathetically stuck and can’t transform into She-Ra, which is ridiculous because she’s spent all this time learning that She-Ra is her, just as much as Adora is her, so why can’t she pull _herself_ out right now?

Catra mumbles some sort of agreement and runs off to give Bow and Glimmer an assist.

“Okay what exactly happened between the two of you?”

Glimmer tries to be as quiet as it’s possible to be in a battlefield where they’re fighting off invaders with their lives on the line. So... that means she’s not being quiet at all and Adora can hear every single word.

“What? I told you, nothing happened.”

“Don’t lie to me, Catra.”

Adora tries once again. She makes her sword appear but then it disappears almost immediately. She slams her fist onto the dirt with a frustrated groan. Why isn’t this working? What’s wrong with her?

“Fine, I may have, I dunno, I said something and I guess it made her mad, she was–“

“Ugh, I knew it!” Glimmer exclaims so loudly that it gets Catra shushing her in panicked breaths. Not like any of it would’ve helped because they’re not all that far from Adora to begin with and she’s heard every single word they’ve said. “Go and fix it, Catra, seriously.”

“Fix it? How am I supposed to fix it?”

“Figure it out!”

Suddenly, Glimmer appears in front of Adora again, Catra in tow. She dumps her down before taking off in a shiny flash.

Adora barely regards her.

“Uh... any progress?”

“I don’t need your help, Catra. I think I made that clear.”

Catra groans, finally frustrated too. “I know, okay? But Glimmer’s just gonna blink me back here again if I try getting anywhere near her without She-Ra. So I think I’ll stick to staying here,” she moves in close and Adora deliberately shifts so she won’t have to face her. Catra frowns. “Whatever... okay?” These words are significantly less confident. “Don’t even bother trying to transform. These machines and robots they have are weak anyway. They’re nothing. I’m sure Bow and Glimmer can wear them down soon and we’ll be back on the ship once Entrapta arrives. You can deal with all this She-Ra stuff later.”

Suddenly, a grenade launcher gets fired right in their direction.

“AH!”

“DOES THAT LOOK LIKE NOTHING TO YOU?”

Catra and Adora cling onto each other reflexively, right before Glimmer pops in and deflects the grenade, making it detonate back at the enemy.

They heave a sigh of relief, but then Glimmer flips around to glower at Catra, a very heated look on her face.

“CATRA, DO SOMETHING!”

She flies back into battle again and Catra makes a sound of frustration. Adora looks over and sees a flushed look on her face.

“Ugh, come on!” she complains to herself. “Not again–“

“Not again _what?”_

Catra turns to look at her with a face of resolution. She grabs Adora’s cheeks and starts to lean in. Adora shoves her away in confusion and shock, the force causing Catra to fall back.

“Ow!”

“What was that?” Adora gulps, even though she knows what it was. “Why?”

“You know why!” she says in a mix of anger and awkwardness, dusting dirt off her elbow. “It’s just, the, the thing that worked before. It’s the only way I know that could help.”

For some reason, this knowledge shoots through Adora like a spear to the heart. Oh, great. She hates this actually. That Catra would kiss her, not out of love, not out of affection, but to produce a certain outcome. It makes her feel cheap. Catra doesn’t want to kiss her for the sake of it, she wants to help make She-Ra appear and she thinks that reigniting Adora’s heart is the way to do that. Using Adora’s _unreturned_ feelings against her. She doesn’t want Adora to love her, she doesn’t want to love Adora back, until all of a sudden it’s _convenient_ to her and she _needs_ it.

Well, Adora isn’t having any of this today. She isn’t having any of this right now.

“You really think I would kiss you back after everything you said to me today?” Adora scoffs at the reminder of it, shaking her head with her lip in her mouth.

Catra’s lips open and shut, trembling at the words struck. “Look, I, I’m sorry, okay? I went too far. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, I uh, I was too blunt–“

“Save it.”

“But–“ she gestures to the chaos surrounding them–“look at what’s happening! It’s not your job to stop everything bad that happens, but Bow and Glimmer–“

“Won’t be left defenseless, okay? I know what’s at stake here,” she stands up, dusting her knees. “I’m gonna transform into She-Ra and help them, if it’s the last thing I do, and then I’m saving this planet. I’m not gonna let any more innocent people get hurt, not again!”

“Then why won’t you let me help you?!”

“Because I don’t want a kiss from someone who doesn’t _love_ me!” She forcefully summons her sword after this. Apparently she needed her anger to see clearly. Apparently she needed to get all this frustration out somehow. She raises it to the skies. “For the Honor of Grayskull!”

* * *

She can’t do it.

Not anymore.

“Adora... are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

She’s not. She’s kind of thrown for a loop here, actually. She thought pushing Catra away and letting her anger out had saved things, and in that moment, it did. She transformed into She-Ra, they fought off the invaders, and they somewhat secured the planet’s safety. Now, they’re back on Darla on their way to the next mission, and she can’t transform yet again. Maybe it’s the fatigue, maybe she was worn out from fighting back there, but deep down she knows those aren’t the reasons. She got this rush of adrenaline, from being angry earlier, and it had helped, but now that it’s all said and done she’s back to feeling... empty.

Her head is a tiny bit clearer now, so she sort of knows _why_ she can’t transform into She-Ra suddenly. It’s love. It’s her emotions. It’s the fact that she doesn’t have any of that right now. Maybe that’s a dramatic overstatement, but it’s her emotions, after all. Not being loved by Catra makes her feel like she’s not loved at all right now. It’s a little sad to feel like this, to know just how much power Catra holds over her. It wasn’t as bad before when Adora’s head was filled with notions of war, actively pushing down all thoughts of what Catra meant to her and how that was different from the way she felt about everyone else.

Loving Catra even after their breakup was a knife, placed in her hands, chest held to the blade. Telling her was like leaping off the edge of a cliff. Hearing it back… was falling freely from unknown heights and feeling no fear. Having the words taken away afterwards, and getting rejected by Catra, was like landing on a spike anyway, because what else can you expect from doing something so stupid? After all that trust, all that vulnerability. Remembering it doesn’t even make her mad anymore. She’s gotten all that anger out on the battlefield, punching and kicking all those resentful feelings away. Now… all that is left is her misery.

She stops trying to transform. It really is pointless when she’s in such a state, and they’re not fighting off enemies right now. She needs to get over herself somehow, and think happy thoughts. She can’t afford to compromise on her magical transformation abilities when everyone is counting on her for it. And feeling like this is terrible. She should be happy, she’s surrounded by people she cares so much about and they’re all safe and nothing too horrible is happening, and yet...

“Is there anything we can do to help?” Glimmer asks gently. Bow looks just as ready to hop up and do anything to help and support her. She tries to focus on the love they have for her. The love of their friendship. She knows Catra loves her like this too, deep down. What’s been so upsetting is how she doesn’t love her _beyond_ that. But maybe... she doesn’t deserve such expectations. If Adora is content with the way Bow and Glimmer love her, she should be happy with the way Catra loves her too.

She glances over at her. Catra’s in the corner of the room, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed. She hasn’t said a word.

Adora hopes she’s okay. She thinks back to all those angry words spoken. Did she go too far? Does she owe Catra an apology? Maybe. Maybe not. Catra shouldn’t be expected to return her romantic feelings. But Adora is allowed to reject her kisses too, on the account that she doesn’t… mean them. She thinks back, way back to all those months ago where Catra kissed her and meant it then. Catra wanted her and it was real, then. Adora refuses to believe that was a lie. Sure, feelings fade, but the love they felt for each other in that moment was real, and that’s why they saved the world. That’s why they saved her life. Adora wants nothing more than to go back to that moment. She had all the hope in the world back then. Now… not so much. Who knew it could all go so wrong, and get so messy?

She sighs with her head leaning against the back of the couch. Yes, they have a couch on this ship now.

“It’s okay,” she shrugs. “Maybe I just need more rest. I don’t think we’ll need She-Ra again until we’ve finished our missions on all the planets. I’ll figure it out by then.”

She’s not fully sure she’ll have it all figured out by then. But she doesn’t want them to worry, and also, maybe making this promise will spur her into fixing things properly. She’ll probably have to… talk to Catra or something. Or maybe she really _does_ need to suck it up and let Catra kiss her. But wouldn’t that just be uncomfortable for the both of them now? To kiss a girl you do not love and to be kissed by a girl that does not love you?

A tiny voice in her head brings up a new point. Catra _has_ actually kissed her several times before. As recently as this morning. Oh, wow, it really has been such a long day. She makes herself remember. It’s not a joke, she wasn’t kidding herself, they kissed, they had sex, only it wasn’t love. Just… desire. Just Catra fulfilling a need and Adora is just someone she likes enough to fulfill that need with. But it isn’t love. No matter how hard she tries to make it love. No matter how much she wants it to be love. The thought of all this drowns her spirits even more but she tries not to let it show.

“Okay. Uh... we could all use some dinner too. Hey, Glimmer, why don’t you... cook with me?”

“That sounds… great, Bow.”

Their words sound very staged and practiced and deliberate somehow, and Adora knows they’re leaving the two of them in the room to talk. Whether any talking will happen though is… debatable. Catra looks like she’d rather die than utter a single word, and Adora is genuinely too exhausted to start anything right now. Those lids on her eyes droop heavy and slow. She shuts her eyes when Bow and Glimmer leave, but then decides she might want to sleep on a bed instead of the couch. Thinks she might want to sleep without being watched, or being reminded that Catra is in the room and isn’t hers to hug or hold. She wobbles a little as she lethargically springs herself up, causing Catra to glance over at her. Just for a moment. Before she turns away again.

“I’m gonna, I’m gonna go take a nap.”

Catra doesn’t respond right away.

“Okay.”

Adora lingers at the doorway. “Wake me up… when dinner’s ready?”

She nods, and Adora doesn’t do anything else worth remembering, her one track tired mind driving her face against a pillow. She falls asleep the second she sees that familiar pitch black darkness, calling to her, lulling her into this beautiful state of nothingness.

Some time later, she feels herself stir into a giddy sort of consciousness. She doesn’t hear anything particularly loud, but she’s painfully aware of the fact that she is no longer asleep. And yet, she desperately wishes this weren’t true. She wants to sleep more, so she wills herself to keep her eyes shut and tries to quell the unstoppable thoughts racing through her mind.

That is, until the door opens, and in walks a beloved voice.

“Adora?”

She doesn’t know why, but her body goes incredibly still. This is lying, isn’t it? By not responding to the sound of Catra’s voice, even though she’s painfully awake, isn’t this lying? But she’s apprehensive because she never thought Catra would bother coming into her room and calling her name out loud like this.

Right. She asked Catra to wake her up when dinner was ready. Ugh. But she’s not ready for dinner. Maybe keeping still like this is a good idea. Maybe it doesn’t have to feel like a lie. If Catra starts shaking her she can pretend to wake up then and everything will be okay.

“Are you…” her voice traces off. “Of course you are. Why do I even–“

Her voice cuts off and then it just goes very quiet for a minute. From her body heat alone, Adora can still tell that Catra hasn’t left the room, but why isn’t she saying anything? Or at the very least, why isn’t she trying to wake Adora up? Isn’t that what she came in here to do? Adora has to fight off every urge she has to sit up and ask Catra what she’s trying to do here.

Moments later, she feels Catra’s fingers on her face. Oh. Is her face dirty? Is there something on her face? Catra is stroking her face now. And her hair…

Adora nearly falls asleep again just from the sensation. She comes so close to protesting when it stops, and she fails to let out this little groan. Catra fully retracts her hand from Adora’s hair when this happens and it makes her want to kick herself for lacking the necessary self control. Thankfully, Catra doesn’t bolt out of the room just yet. She starts to pull Adora’s blanket over her properly, because she kicked half of it off during her sleep and hasn’t adjusted it back yet. It’s really endearing of Catra to be taking care of her like this. Adora wonders if she’s only doing it because she thinks Adora won’t know. But then why wouldn’t she want Adora to know? Is it because she knows Adora might make a big deal out of it again and try to insist that Catra still has feelings for her?

The thought fills her with massive shame. Oh, she really owes Catra an apology. She doesn’t want Catra to hold back her friendly gestures for fear that Adora would mistake them as romantic. Adora decides to leave behind everything she thought she knew over the last few months and focuses on the now. Catra wants to be her friend and not anything more. And Adora shouldn’t be questioning that.

She hears Catra sigh heavy as she grazes the scratched up hand Adora accidentally left sticking out from her blanket. Yes, she got a little banged up during the fight against the invaders earlier and no, she did not heal fully when she transformed out of her She-Ra form. It doesn’t hurt that much anyway, but even with her eyes closed completely she can sense that it worries and bothers Catra.

Catra leaves, and Adora can’t help but hold her breath until she returns. She hears this opening of a box, and then vaguely remembers it to be the first aid kit they packed for emergencies when they set off for their space trip, the one Bow himself used when Glimmer had gotten hurt. Catra carefully applies ointment to Adora’s hand now, and there is something about this moment that strikes Adora deep.

She can’t explain the feeling, but being cared for like this nearly kills her, yet it also breathes life into her in a way that she’s never quite experienced. Maybe its because after she became She-Ra she got so good at healing herself and others that getting treated for injuries of any kind never felt necessary. So no one really did it. And perhaps it is good and lucky that she has the power to heal on an almost instant basis for most of the damage she’s sustained since discovering the sword and realizing her She-Ra form but... perhaps the thing that is so good about having your wounds tended to is the care and love and concern you feel from the person doing it, not the actual reprieve from physical pain.

And maybe there is some extra catharsis from this, because the girl who used to throw punches and kicks at her is now the girl who gingerly holds her hand open as she dabs ointment on her broken skin. The girl who she _loves_ , as she is wrapping bandages around her hand now, the girl who she’s always loved, even when she was spewing snide remarks and scowling harshly… the girl who she quite frankly, will _always_ love.

Adora’s hand is fully and perfectly bandaged now, and she listens with a heavy heart as Catra packs up the first aid kit. This moment which she wanted to prolong is now coming to an end, and Adora’s eyes weren’t even open to experience it. All she has is this lingering smell of menthol and the memory of Catra’s fingers brushing against her own. Catra packs it all up and then she stands there for a moment, taking another audible deep breath. Adora feels her lean over and in an unexpected turn of events, Catra plants a kiss on her forehead. She walks away after that, with quick awkward footsteps, as if her gesture were some crime she was escaping from.

Something hot glows on Adora’s hand and then all over her body. She only realizes it as she inspects her bandages, finding unmarked skin and not even a tinge of pain. She is healed. Body and soul. By Catra’s kiss.

So that really _was_ all she needed after all.

* * *

She falls asleep for a long time after that, and when she wakes up for the second time, she finally feels refreshed, and also, incredibly hungry.

“Uh... where is everyone?”

Speaking of hunger, she’s having dinner right now, but the only one eating with her is Catra, and it’s not like Bow and Glimmer to be late for dinner. Entrapta can get a little distracted when she’s working on something sometimes, but for the most part she likes to sit and eat and talk with them too. Right now though... she doesn’t see any of the three of them.

Catra slowly munches on her noodles. Bow and Glimmer made ramen, one of the things they bought from the supermarket. Which. Is torn down now, but after saving the planet from space invaders they still managed to salvage most of the groceries they wanted to buy, transferring their food supplies onto the ship. If the brilliant tastes in her mouth right now are any indication, that was a great effort to make. Completely worth it.

“They uh, they already ate.”

Adora stops mid-slurp, and the noodles sort of fall out of her mouth and back into her bowl.

“They already ate? I thought you were gonna wake me up in time for dinner, what...” Adora briefly thinks back to when Catra came into her room but didn’t work hard to wake her up at all. “What happened there?”

“Uh, yeah, I tried,” she explains offhandedly. “You just didn’t wanna wake up or you just couldn’t wake up at the time, I’m guessing, so I left you alone and told the others to eat first.”

“Then why didn’t you eat with them?”

She seems to freeze up at this. “I... I wasn’t hungry. At the, at the time.”

“Oh.” Adora chews on a piece of meat like it’s rubber. “I see. You just... weren’t hungry yet. I guess that worked out for me.

Catra slowly starts putting her chopsticks down and sighs almost reluctantly. “Look. I... I’ll say it, okay? I didn’t want you to have to eat alone. I guess I care about you and uh... don’t want you to think that I–“ she clears her throat–“don’t. Because I do. Like. Care about you. You don’t deserve to think that you don’t matter to me, because you do. Just because I–“

“I know,” Adora interjects with a nod. She tries to look collected and reassuring. And then she prepares herself. “There’s something I need to say to you too. Lots of things, actually. I have to apologize, because I really am sorry for... all the lines I crossed earlier.” Her mouth sours a bit in shame. She was really upset and angry and in some ways she feels like she was allowed to feel that way but also... maybe she didn’t need to yell at Catra. “I thought about it a lot earlier. And also sleeping helped, like a lot. I said a lot of things that I regret, and I went too far. I even said things I don’t really mean, and you didn’t deserve to hear it.”

“You sure?” Catra twirls a strand of noodle over and over with her chopsticks, a good deal of guilt painting her face too. “I think I deserved it a little bit. I was... thinking about everything too. You were right anyway. I shouldn’t have tried to kiss you at all. I didn’t even ask, and, and... yeah you were right, saying everything that you said. I was way too harsh to you today even though it was my fault you thought–“

“Catra, no,” Adora interjects, her hand reaching over instinctively to quell Catra’s intrusive thoughts, realizing belatedly that touching Catra in a moment like this might be inappropriate, but nothing comes of it. She just stares back at Adora with those beautiful eyes. “You never deserve to be yelled at for your personal decisions. I shouldn’t have questioned your love for me as a friend just because–“ the word catches in her throat. Perhaps it is still a little hard to say it. To say that Catra doesn’t want her that way. But she’ll have to accept it _properly_ , come to terms with it _properly_ , sooner or later. “I know. I know you love me as a friend. And I think... I never want you to feel like being my friend isn’t enough. Because it is enough. Just... the fact that we’re finally together again, finally _friends_ again... those three years were too long, and I should have appreciated the fact that we’re on the same side and the same place, much... much more than I did.”

She says nothing for a moment. But Adora can tell she said the right thing. Catra needed this assurance and she needed this apology. Still, it’s a little nerve racking to be on the receiving end of complete and utter silence.

“I’m glad we’re friends again too.”

Adora smiles with relief. Catra’s response is good enough to get her motor mouth running once more.

“So, I’m not gonna assume anything ever again, okay? If dating me...” her chest tightens slightly. “If that’s something you want, you tell me. But aside from that, I’m never going to pressure you to be my girlfriend or anything... ever again. Not anymore. But whatever the case... I just want you to be honest with me, okay? And you can tell me, you know, anything you want. You’ll do that, right?”

She’s not sure what she expects. A detailed list recounting each and every reason why Catra stopped wanting to date Adora and why she still doesn’t want to? A confession that she entered Adora’s room earlier and bandaged her hand and kissed her on the forehead out of sheer platonic love? She’s not even sure she should be asking this of Catra. Is it too transparent? Is she being too obvious about what she wants?

Catra isn’t too fazed yet. She nods her head up and down. “I will.”

Adora quickly finishes her noodles, before getting a bit of an idea as she waits for Catra to finish eating too. She raises up her bandaged hand and begins undoing the bandages right in front of Catra, who looks ticked off and concerned, until she reveals her perfectly healed hand.

“Oh,” she says, filled with a tense sort of relief. “When did that heal?”

“How’d you even know there was something wrong with my hand?” Adora retorts, turning the question back on her in hopes that... it’s well, it’s really just an opening for Catra to admit that she bandaged it. She doesn’t know why she wants Catra to confess that so bad, but if it wasn’t anything weird or special why would she bother keeping it a secret right?

“Uh...” now this makes her freeze up for a moment. “I guess. I must’ve seen it when I went to uh, went to wake you up for the first time. Earlier.”

Damn. That makes so much sense. Adora can’t really get suspicious of that without revealing what she knows. “Right...” she says slowly, dragging the word out as Catra continues to eat as if nothing is wrong. “But, yeah, uh, you’re right. My hand did heal. All on its own, actually. I guess I just really needed some sleep. Someone came in at some point though. They treated the wound while I was asleep.”

Catra chews slowly on her food. She’s down to her last few bites, but the way she eats looks agonizing. She looks a little embarrassed. She starts to frown. “Guess whoever that was shouldn’t have bothered.”

Adora’s heart jolts. She didn’t intend for Catra to react this way. “No, no, I think it was really sweet. It definitely helped a lot. Whoever did this... their heart was in the right place, and that’s why my healing powers kicked in without me even knowing. It was... kind.” She picks up the courage to dig in a little deeper again. “Hey, uh. You were going in and out of my room to wake me up a few times right? Do you have any idea who did that for me?”

Her hands tighten over her chopsticks and her pupils shrink in fear. “Wh-what? Why... why would I know anything about that? I don’t know, I mean, it was probably Sparkles, or, or Arrow Boy. Maybe Entrapta thought you were part of the ship for a second and tried to fix you. Who knows?”

“I see,” she nods, almost amused by the levels of awkwardness Catra has descended to just to hide the truth. “Could it... have been you?”

Her face gets in a twist. “What? Why would it be me? I mean, if it were me, I would’ve just said it right?”

“Yeah,” Adora agrees with her teeth slightly clenched. “That’s what... anyone would normally do.”

* * *

“So... this is really our last mission?”

“Based on our original plan, yes,” Bow explains as he scans something with his tracker pad. “According to the set of missions we developed using Entrapta’s calculations, this is the last conductor device we have to install. And then you were supposed to send She-Ra’s magic through the transmitter so we can bring magic back to all the planets–“

“But then those stupid invaders just _had_ to show up–“ Glimmer interjects with annoyed hand gestures–“so now we have to figure out how to stop them too, because while bringing magic back will make everyone safer, it still won’t guarantee that no one will get hurt. We have to find out where these invaders are from, so we can stop them from attacking anymore planets.”

“And then... we have to figure out a way for planets to send distress signals to Etheria so we can help protect people if anything like this happens again. But that’s not... going to be easy. Space is so big... we can’t get to every planet in time, and who knows how many things could be happening? It’s something we’re gonna have to think long term about when we get back to Etheria. But Entrapta’s already starting to work on some ideas. Right, Entrapta?”

Entrapta’s not really listening, and she’s not exactly watching where she’s going either. Catra is subtly following her around, and trying not to make it look obvious that she’s protecting Entrapta from bumping into things and getting herself hurt. The things it does to Adora’s heart... it’s funny. Catra doesn’t even have to directly interact with Adora to make her fall harder. Just seeing her look out for the people they both care about does her in.

Adora pulls her eyes away from Catra and Entrapta to zero in on everything Bow and Glimmer are telling her.

“Right. I guess we have a lot of work to do. And... not a lot of time to do it.” The thought brings her down for a moment. She was under the impression that there was nothing to worry about after this whole thing, and she could just live her life with her friends without having to save the world ever again. But that was naive, wasn’t it? Evil doesn’t go away just because Horde Prime did. He just happened to be the most dominant source of evil at the time.

“We do. But... one step at a time. Bringing magic back to outer space is a huge thing. We deserve to celebrate when we succeed.”

“Exactly! We deserve to go home and have fun, and there’s always this chance that nothing bad will happen after we uh, fix this latest bad thing. Right?” Glimmer looks a little conflicted. “Uh... speaking of bad things we need to stop, Adora... how’s... She-Ra?”

“Oh! I uh, I’m feeling a lot better now,” she gives them a smile in hopes that that’s reassuring, confidently putting her hands on her hips. “I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to transform into her whenever we need it.” Bow and Glimmer exchange relieved looks, but it doesn’t seem entirely tied to Adora being able to access her She-Ra form again. “Here, I’ll show you right now. For the Honor of–“

She unfortunately gets interrupted. The things Adora says next are indiscernible, to her and to everyone else. Physically, she feels like she’s screaming, but no audible sounds are coming out. She feels herself get snatched away from the ground as her friends watch her with panicked eyes. Her vision turns green, and she realizes she’s been enveloped by this huge green blob. The very color of this... entity... it scares her, it creeps her out. She can’t move. What is happening?

“Adora!”

Her friends move towards the green source that’s captured her, fighting and trying their best to save her. Bow fires his arrows. Glimmer teleports to the surface of where Adora’s trapped and throws sparkly blasts. Entrapta flies this little drone to attack the monster. Catra scampers all the way to the top of where Adora is, and she’s clawing in desperation.

“Ew!” She raises her hands for a moment. “What is this? What are you?”

It is at this moment that Adora realizes she’s protected by some sort of air bubble or vacuum. She reaches past that and touches what appears and feels to be... some sort of goop. Some sort of... slime. Gross. Catra was right to react the way that she did. She then begins to wonder what the deal is with this whole thing. Is she trapped by something? Or is she... _inside_ someone?

Suddenly, an invisible force flings both Catra and Glimmer off the slime figure. Glimmer manages to teleport and catch Catra in time before she falls. It is an almost unnecessary action since Catra looked like she was poised to land right, but it still allows Adora to exhale. Brings her some relief in this very helpless situation.

A low, ominous laugh rumbles out from the slime monster. Adora starts trying to fight her way out, desperately tries to transform, do something, anything, so that she can save her friends. But the entire lower half of her body is stiff and unmoving. For the life of her, she can’t transform no matter what she does. She feels so helpless and useless. What’s going to happen to them? What if the monster hurts them? Oh, Adora should’ve transformed sooner. She should’ve been more cautious, more careful— _anything_ —that could’ve helped them avoid this situation.

“Oh, my simple friends…” he finally speaks, talking in a low voice. Adora finds it very reminiscent of a recently deceased enemy. For a moment, she wonders if she didn’t vanquish him after all. If he escaped somehow, or survived somehow, and _this_ is his new form. Her heart pounds so hard she can feel it in her ears. “No amount of fighting can stop me. Only the truth will set you free.”

“Where did you take our friend?!”

“Give her back, you freak!”

Oh. Adora realizes it now. None of them can see her even though she sees them.

He laughs again. “Worry not, you frazzled ones. I have no intentions of harming your precious friend. She is right here with me. So... so _broken_. But fret not. I can heal her. I can give her back to the lot of you, good as new. I just want to know your secrets. I _hunger_ for the truth. Tell me, friends, the things you keep to yourselves, the things you have sworn to tell no one, because no one can know! The deeper, the darker... the better. _Feed me!”_

“...what?”

They all look at each other in panic and confusion. Catra looks like she’s been slapped across the face. She looks skeptical and upset, and tightens a fist that seems to be shaking against her will. “How do we know you’re not lying? What kind of weirdo threatens someone’s life to hear secrets from some random strangers?”

“Yeah! That’s super weird!”

“Why would anyone _do_ something like that?”

The slime monster seems stunned for some reason. “I... well... you’ll have to take my word for it, won’t you?! I’m holding your friend hostage, is the, the normal thing not–“ he sighs very harshly–“You’re all supposed to be doing what I say here, in hopes that I return your friend to you all in good shape!”

“He… does have a point there,” Entrapta remarks with a shrug.

“Thank you,” he says, sounding almost grateful. “Oh, I do like this one. And, if it brings any assurance, I do not wish any harm upon your blonde little friend here. I am not your enemy. Perhaps mortals like yourselves gain sustenance through consumption. What I am... is something that knows the truth. I feed off of _lies_ and _secrets_ being revealed. The shame... the humiliation... it keeps me alive, and I see it, radiating off each and every one of you!” He cackles loudly now, and it makes Adora feel guilty. She doesn’t want her friends to get shamed and humiliated in order to save her. But she also knows she can’t do anything. She’s still trying, obviously. But whatever this thing is... it currently has a power over her that she simply cannot overcome.

They all exchange nervous looks. “Uh...” Glimmer clears her throat. “I guess... there’s nothing else we can do. Does anyone have any–“

“I KNOW DARLA CARNALLY!” Entrapta screams out suddenly with her eyes shut tight. The effect is instantaneous. The monster starts to shrink down in size.

“Yes... yes... very good...”

“It, it worked!” Bow looks very shocked, and they all look certain strange combinations of relief and amazement. Adora isn’t sure why none of them have reacted to the contents of Entrapta’s confession. Are they just... gonna gloss over that? Adora wishes she didn’t have to hear it. “Uh, does uh, anyone else have deep dark secrets they can share?”

“Uh... I...” Glimmer nervously starts off. “I HAVE... HAD A CRUSH ON... EVERYONE I’VE EVER CALLED A BEST FRIEND?”

Catra, who previously just looked very unnerved and shaken, now breaks out an incredulous expression. She turns to look at a very embarrassed Glimmer, whose fists are balled up. “You what? Wait, you’ve called me–“

“It was just a small one!” Glimmer explodes in a state of panic, hand moving to her forehead in frustration. The slime monster shrinks by a lot, and for a moment, it makes Catra giggle. “We’re trying to save Adora here, could you not–“

Catra lets out that loud, larger-than-life laugh of hers, and for a moment Adora nearly forgets that she’s trapped and unable to move. She sighs to herself with a smile as she watches her double back with chuckles. Beautiful. Just... so beautiful.

“Oh, Sparkles, I can’t believe you used to have a crush on me–“

“Well, I barely had one, and it–“ she groans in frustration–“you just, you _wait_ till it’s your turn–“

“I don’t think we even _need_ to get to my turn,” Catra says so snidely and confidently. “Maybe we’ll get Adora back once you spill about–“

“BOW!” Glimmer shoves Catra aside in frustration. “CAN YOU START TALKING ABOUT YOUR DEEP DARK SECRETS—PLEASE—CAN THIS JUST BE OVER NOW?”

Bow looks incredibly hesitant now. “D-Do I have to? Catra seemed to have the right idea with–“

“BOW–“

“Alright, alright–“ he takes a nervous breath–“ABOUT A MONTH AGO... SOMEONE STOLE A CAKE FROM THE KITCHEN. I SAID IT WASN’T ME, BECAUSE I DIDN’T THINK IT WAS, BUT THEN A FEW HOURS LATER I SAW SOME CRUMBS ON MY SHIRT. I HADN’T EATEN ANYTHING YET THAT DAY, SO HOW DID THE CRUMBS GET THERE?!” He clutches the sides of his head, looking distraught. “EVER SINCE THEN I’VE WONDERED... WHAT IF THE CAKE THIEF… WAS ME? WHAT IF I’M ACTUALLY A SLEEPWALKER, AND I SLEEPWALKED ALL THE WAY TO THE KITCHEN THAT DAY, AND I ATE THAT CAKE?” He sinks to his knees in shame. “I’VE NEVER PAID FOR MY CRIMES...”

The slime monster starts shrinking a lot after that, to the point where it’s the size and height of a regular person.

“Bow, are you kidding me?” Glimmer sort of scoffs as she walks over to comfort him anyway, gently patting his shoulder. “ _Wh_ y and _how_ is that your deepest, darkest secret? Why were you even keeping that a secret? The kitchen thing turned out to be a mistake, the cake just got misplaced and we found it later, no one stole it.”

“Wait, what?”

“Hey, I think Adora’s inside that thing,” Catra remarks as she narrows her eyes in observation. “It’s small enough now, we should just pull her out!”

Catra charges ahead, but the monster only backs away from her with a sarcastic laugh, the first sound he has made in a while and it makes them all freeze up.

“My child... why the haste? You have not yet spoken your truth.”

She grimaces in his face. “We’ve given you enough embarrassing truths, you creep. Now gives us our friend back!”

“Your _friend?”_ He only laughs again, even more unhinged sounding this time. It makes Adora get really nervous. “Young one... I sense your energy. It seems this girl has brought you much suffering. So much... pain. I see it all. Why would you persevere to save her? Tell it. Tell me the truth. And I’ll give her to you.”

Catra continues to stand her ground. A scoff escapes her lips, rebellious but shaky. “If you already know what our truths are… why are you making us say it?”

“Well that’s where the fun comes from, is it not?” He guffaws wildly in laughter, doing flips in the air and making the ground shake as he lands back down. “My dear… you have the biggest shame of them all. Feed it to me! I... AM... HUNGRY!” He starts stomping menacingly towards Catra, who falls back from the force of his footsteps and the terror in his voice. She is shaking, and Adora wants nothing more than to break free and make this evil sadistic glob pay. She wants him to die in her hands.

His laughs dwindle down to a short, almost friendly chortle. He kneels down next to Catra and regards her with an eerie concern. “Come on now. Shed a tear for me. Confess your greatest shame. Why do you care for this girl so?”

“Because…” she gulps, eyes welling up with fear. “I’m in love with her,” she admits in a small voice.

“Don’t be shy…” he rubs what looks like his hands together. “Say it louder.”

She scowls at him, standing back up in defiance. “No.”

“LOUDER!”

“Because I’m in love with her, you slimy little weirdo!” She shrieks this at the top of her lungs. “Is that what you wanna hear? Is that _loud_ enough for you?! I love her... and it drives me crazy. I love her so much it makes me wanna die! Are you happy now? Are you _fed?”_ She sinks down to her knees and wipes a tear away from her cheek. “Look… you already know. And I said what you wanted to hear, so hold up your end of the deal.” She scoffs, but it’s the sad kind. “I can’t live without her, and… just thinking that you might hurt her is killing me, okay? So please, just… just give her back to me.”

He doesn’t say a single word. Adora feels her body glow hot with some familiar yet new sort of power. It generates this force that gets her expelled and freed from his clutches, her body landing harshly in Catra’s arms as she catches her. The slime monster explodes and becomes a messy pile on the ground they stand on. The world spins slightly as Adora opens her eyes. Catra is holding her gingerly, staring at her with this cautious concern.

“Adora?”

This is when Adora realizes she’s towering over her in She-Ra form, now feeling more powerful than she’s felt in a long, long time. She smirks as she caresses her chin, tilting it up.

“Hey, Catra.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JDJDJDJDJ UH. I AM SO SORRY OMG. I CAN’T BELIEVE I MANAGED TO GET THIS UP BEFORE 2021. AHAHAHA. BUT ALSO I GUESS THIS MEANS CH10 WILL DROP IN 2021. I HOPE IT DOESN’T TAKE YET ANOTHER MONTH BUT WHO KNOWS. IM SO UNRELIABLE. I HAVE ADHD SORRY 
> 
> literally no one cares but bow said “Adora the only times u couldn’t turn into she ra were when u broke the sword and u got poisoned” and he’s missing out on the time she got like electrocuted in the middle of s5 leaving her she-ra-less before the events of 5x11 failsafe. i just wanna flex that i totally know that and that u don’t have to point it out to me. i made bow forget because it felt too clunky to say three things 
> 
> catra: she has blunt force trauma and quite possibly a concussion that’s why she can’t turn into she-ra can we please leave so she can be safe
> 
> glimmer: hm CAP. have u tried kissing her on the lips yet 
> 
> -
> 
> hi welcome to breakup fic. it’s a ten chapter long story adora would like to call ‘am i unlovable and does catra hate me or do i just need to go to sleep?’ and the answer to that is she needs to go to sleep and also they need to get better at communicating so they can work through their issues together because they both have shared trauma and mental health issues
> 
> also idk if u guys noticed but adora doesn’t talk much in this chapter. it’s on purpose. uh. i think. it creates an effect. maybe. and that means something cool. perhaps. hope it wasn’t weird 
> 
> if ur wondering whether the best friend squad stole from the supermarket. the answer is yes. but in their defense they saved the planet from invaders and also it was run by a huge corporation. it’s chill. stealing is woke and valid if it’s from a big company that makes way too much money anyway. as long as it doesn’t harm the underpaid workers it’s good ❤️
> 
> -
> 
> catra: i tried to wake u up for dinner but u just wouldn’t budge 
> 
> adora, internally: bitch said my name quietly like once HOW is that trying
> 
> -
> 
> who will win? months of pent up confusion and heartbreak or One Really Good Long Nap fbsbdbdndnd 
> 
> adora, some time later when they can laugh about all this: and then you came into the room and kissed me on the forehead and i felt so loved that i instantly healed myself 
> 
> catra: damn so i really bandaged ur stupid hand for nothing? 
> 
> -
> 
> adora: aha u know that if ur the one who bandaged my hand and kissed me on the forehead and caressed my face and touched my hair when i was allegedly asleep u can tell me right :)
> 
> catra: yeah. but i did none of that 
> 
> adora: we have one (1) impostor among us 
> 
> -
> 
> horde prime: *dies*
> 
> adora: oh boy! i can’t wait to chill out for the rest of my life :) 
> 
> horde slime: *sneaky tom meme* 
> 
> -
> 
> ok listen. i know this last scene is very cursed. but can we all appreciate how bow heard that a cake went missing and thought it was him even though he had no memory of stealing it, causing him to agonize over it for ages. i love him 
> 
> also yes. glimmer’s had crushes on the whole of the best friend squad. someone said that as a headcanon once and i think it’s fucking hilarious. i love her too 
> 
> the best friend squad: thanks for sharing a secret so that we can save adora, entrapta :) 
> 
> adora: SHE’S FUCKING THE SHIP. SHE’S FUCKING THE SHIP!!!!! HELLO???? SHE’S HAVING SEX. WITH THE SHIP. 
> 
> -
> 
> horde slime: i am all powerful and sexy as hell. i am unbeatable 
> 
> catra: i’m in love with adora 
> 
> horde slime: why do i hear boss music 
> 
> -
> 
> Soz I know the author’s notes aren’t that good this chapter. But I really hope u guys liked this!!!!! And also please give me kudos and leave me comments. I love u all happy new year

**Author's Note:**

> hi, op of the fic here!! oh wait there’s like a word for that. it’s. author. or writer. or either should be fine. fjdjdjdjdj ANYWAY 
> 
> please i am on my knees here :( i worked so hard on this fic and i have most of it written. almost done at this point but i jumped the gun because i promised to start posting this fic if kissing fic (titled five nothing kisses... unless? if u haven’t read it go do that it’s on my profile) hit 1k kudos which it did!!!! fucking nice!!!!! 
> 
> so please give this kudos and please comment :( if this flops i will literally cry so hard 
> 
> comments are very good and important to me please give them. even if u think what ur saying isn’t important. or u don’t have That Much to say. or u think other people already said it. i don’t care i want it. i love it. nothing gives me more serotonin than when my inbox number goes up. that’s so fucking sexy 😩😩😩 so yeah i love comments. make it as long as u want. as short as u want. comment as many times as u want i swear to god u are not annoying me. i am in love w u if u comment on my fic. i am in love with you if you give my fic kudos. u don’t need an ao3 account to give kudos and comment. isn’t that so hot ❤️
> 
> anyway yeah if u like this fic and u want me to update faster the answer is to give me kudos and comments. send me asks and shit. fucking DM me or tweet at me. my twitter and tumblr are both @scrawnycatra i got anon on u can go off bros. it’s not a scam i genuinely have this bitch of a fic written i spent like over a month writing this and my one fear this whole time is that u guys will hate it so if u like it please let me know 😔


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